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I loved my friend.

He went away from me.

There's nothing more to say.

The poem ends,

Soft as it began-

I loved my friend.

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the quiet tragedy of verin being the one who never quite made it out.

for most of their lives, essek was the one who was entrenched in expectations, in the politics of their den. while verin was stationed far from the heart of the dynasty, ostensibly free from the eyes of his elders, essek was sitting beside their mother in court and speaking before the queen. and it made sense, because essek had always been better at all of it — the posturing, the sweet-talking, the ladder-climbing. his brother the black sleep was still his brother the prodigy; his brother the heretic was still his brother the shadowhand.

but then, essek meets new people and they get through to him and change him and make him softer, make him better (and why them? what is it about them, that they could do what verin never could?) and he runs. he gives up the title and the status and the power and leaves it all (leaves verin) behind.

suddenly, verin is the lone newsoul of den thelyss, the one with all eyes on him, with the expectations meant for two brothers falling squarely on his shoulders and only his in the absence of their other target. he is still the youngest of his den, the one they all watch and wait to be disappointed by, but there is no one to share that burden with anymore and all at once it becomes painfully clear that distance never really was freedom.

essek has a family, then — not a den but a family, with love and trust and care and warmth and all the things essek once called verin childish for craving — and a welcoming home to go to with someone who loves him waiting there and a garden in the front yard, and verin is left still fighting demons under the banner of a god (of a family, of a home) he only half-believes in.

and maybe they see each other more often then. maybe bazzoxan is remote enough that it’s safe for essek to visit in disguise. maybe essek’s friends come too and are kind enough to offer a taste of what essek has now and verin can almost believe it’s his too. maybe essek doesn’t even fight it anymore when verin insists on hugging him. but how much can that really fix? how much can it really change?

an unloved man leaves no one behind when he finally makes a better life for himself, but essek was never an unloved man. not really.

#so well put and absolutely heartbreaking #cr meta

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Redraw of this because I felt like it

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I drew two cats ✨ little fanart from this lovely chapter of sleep, with benefits by @kmackatie

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den thelyss gossip

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i've been very busy with work recently and haven't been able to draw much fanart, but i did manage to finish this one today! i've wanted to draw Essek and Verin for months, and i also really miss fancy dynasty clothes 🤭

detail!

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what if we were soft wizard husbands and we danced on a beach

prints

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Huh, okay a thing I've noticed about shadowgast, just mildly interesting Caleb (at least once Liam said he was willing to drop the dirt disguise) is the one canonically with a bunch of decorations and embroidery and patterns and magic jewelry, and Essek's the one in near-black purple and dark gray, plus one of very few kryn not explicitly described with jewelry and embroidery and detailing

Yet, most fandom takes seem to switch the two in those depictions. I wonder if fandom just latched on hard to the dirt wizard so it's less likely for people to adjust to how he's updated his style when he has a chance, and then on the other side, art has just created such a strong fanon mental image of Essek covered in jewelry and bright colors for some reason

#essek #caleb #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #mighty nein #campaign 2 #critical role #c2

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prev tags

Okay, I'm looking at rarepairs for the fic exchange nominations, and I need y'all to level with me: why does no one write Fjord & Essek (platonically! not even romantically!) when, despite their canon conversation being minimal, every SINGLE instance of it is iconic. They do admittedly exchange very few words, but that's because they do not need any further conversation to absolutely carry a scene.

Have we forgotten the Dungeon of Penance con? "So are you saying you want to date Fjord?" Fjord egging him further into a panic attack in the middle of the arctic? THE RANGER MOMENT? THEIR EXCHANGE AT THE END OF 140???

Fjord and Essek are an absolutely buckwild duo who should absolutely not have the bizarre chemistry that they do and are complete opposites on a lot of surface levels, except for the fact that they are both the type of person (pointedly restrained, skillfully manipulative, ruthlessness simmering under the mask) who Caleb is immediately inclined to distrust but also, unfortunately for him, so incredibly attracted to.

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Essek!! I haven’t even met him yet 😭😭😭😭

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hope..

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The M9, returning to Essek’s outpost: yeah we don’t understand it none of our other wizard friends wanted to come with us into treacherous ancient ruins to kill a super-powerful anti-magic enemy because it’s “dangerous” and they “want to live”

Essek, the drow equivalent of 22, who sassed Ludinus Da’leth directly to his face, said yes when a crew of strangers invited him to their secret basement hot tub, and repeatedly teleported himself into a glacier out of pure stubbornness: wow lame what’s their problem

#honestly he fits perfectly into the nein's genius bad decisions #hot boi is high wis as hell and has the self loathing and self destructiveness to match

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grah pretty boy

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Ludinus's Research (and Essek)

Okay so. I actually think Essek might've known way more than the fandom assumes.

First of all, he hints multiple times that he knew Da'leth had a secret weak spot, research that he couldn't afford for anyone in the Empire to discover. And as such, Ludinus needed the war to stop.

How much do you want to bet Essek keyed onto and was talking about the Martinet's secret dunamis research for his moon plans?

(91) Caleb: I want to see the conflict end and I do not get that sense from them. Essek: ...What is the biggest danger... to secret research? Caduceus: Discovery. Essek: Discovery. What better way to avoid discovery than to find a way to stop a conflict that pries into what you're doing?

(125) Beau: You'd be smart to focus your attention to Ludinus and Ikithon. Yudala Fon: It never leaves them. And they've been acting quite nervous recently.

(97) Essek: (...) you're all in terrible danger for the things that you know. Their research is to continue and we are to correspond as the research progresses. There is intent to end this war.

Also, common fanon seems to think Essek didn't get any research when Matt, Da'leth, and Essek himself said the deal was an ongoing cooperative exchange.

If anything, DeRogna, Yeza, and Ikithon said that the Assembly was having a massive amount of trouble on their end trying to work with dunamis and the beacons, and would really need Essek in their work for insights (as Essek said was happening) and to work with the dunamantic expert and intelligence lynchpin.

And another point. The raids. Even if Ludinus wasn't forthcoming with Essek in their meetings (which Essek said he was), the Kryn were raiding research facilities.

The Felderwin raid, which people seem to take as evidence that Essek wasn't getting information, kinda looks like it suggests the opposite. Only after months of experiments and effort and expense and problems did they get a single potion, and Yeza said it was barely days after the completion when the Kryn raided. Incredible timing.

Meaning that it sure seems like the Martinet gave Essek information, possibly even more than he intended, and Essek wasn't playing nice.

Essek, who said his being in Rosohna was the exception right up until the ceasefire (where we saw him constantly in both important wartime full den meetings and sparse late night meetings, seated on the council, deeply influential and personally requested for the Bright Queen's strategy and war efforts)

(94) Essek: It prevents me from some of my capabilities throughout the day each time I do this, so while I'm here in my home and things are not requiring me to be elsewhere rapidly, thankfully this is a moment in time in which I am more useful here in the city.

He could've even been in Felderwin.

Also, if Ludinus was trying to sway Essek over to the Vanguard and his side, easy money that the heretic (a self-proclaimed "coward" who refused self-preservation via consecution, and managed to annoy his own intensely religious father to the point of self-destruction) wouldn't be happy about it.

That attempt at recruitment and following rejection could've easily been the cause of the unpleasant dynamic and tense conversation between the two on the Assembly's boat.

Bonus, Essek's leyline device. That's relatively simple, and a friend clued me in. Essek being able to track leyline strength is just useful for timing dunamancy research for his "personal studies" as he calls them. It's been pointed out multiple times in CR lore that wizards like ley spikes and solstices because the flare in leyline strength and ley energy just means it's easier to manipulate arcane energy and make new spells.

Look where the Tal'Dorei Guide talks about leyline strength and spellmaking.

The Verdant Expanse is saturated with magic. The ley energies that suffuse the greenwood make it easy for arcanists to create works of spellcraft by themselves, when it might take a half-dozen mages working in concert in other lands.

#essek thelyss #essek #ludinus da'leth #ludinus #ruby vanguard #c2 #campaign 2 #cr meta #c3 #campaign 3 #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #critical role #mighty nein

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Okay so. I actually think Essek might've known way more than the fandom assumes (and I might make this into a separate post)

First of all, he hints multiple times that Da'leth had a secret weak spot, research that he couldn't afford anyone in the Empire to catch onto. And as such, Ludinus needed the war to stop.

How much do you want to bet Essek keyed onto and was talking about the Martinet's secret dunamis research for his moon plans?

(91) Caleb: I want to see the conflict end and I do not get that sense from them. Essek: ...What is the biggest danger... to secret research? Caduceus: Discovery. Essek: Discovery. What better way to avoid discovery than to find a way to stop a conflict that pries into what you're doing?

(125) Beau: You'd be smart to focus your attention to Ludinus and Ikithon. Yudala Fon: It never leaves them. And they've been acting quite nervous recently.

(97) Essek: (...) you're all in terrible danger for the things that you know. Their research is to continue and we are to correspond as the research progresses. There is intent to end this war.

The leyline device. That one's simple, and a friend clued me in. Essek being able to track leyline strength is just useful for dunamancy and his "personal studies" as he calls them. It's been pointed out multiple times in CR lore that wizards like ley spikes and solstices because the flare in leyline strength means it's easier to manipulate arcane energy and make new spells.

Look where the Tal'Dorei Guide talks about ley strength and spellmaking.

The Verdant Expanse is saturated with magic. The ley energies that suffuse the greenwood make it easy for arcanists to create works of spellcraft by themselves, when it might take a half-dozen mages working in concert in other lands.

Also, common fanon seems to think Essek didn't get any research when Matt, Da'leth, and Essek himself said the deal was an ongoing cooperative exchange.

If anything, DeRogna, Yeza, and Ikithon said that the Assembly was having a massive amount of trouble on their end trying to work with dunamis and the beacons, and would really need Essek in their work for insights (as Essek said was happening) and to play nice with the intelligence lynchpin and dunamantic expert.

And the final point. The raids. Even if Ludinus wasn't forthcoming with Essek in their meetings (which Essek said he was), the Kryn were raiding research facilities.

The Felderwin raid, which people seem to take as evidence that Essek wasn't getting information, looks like it could be the opposite. Only after months of experiments and effort and expense and problems did they get a single potion, and Yeza said it was barely days after the completion when the Kryn raided.

Meaning that it sure seems like the Martinet gave Essek information, possibly even more than he intended, and Essek wasn't playing nice.

Essek, who said his being in Rosohna was the exception right up until the ceasefire (where we saw him constantly in both important wartime full den meetings and sparse late night meetings, seated on the council, deeply influential and personally requested for the Bright Queen's strategy and war efforts)

(94) Essek: It prevents me from some of my capabilities throughout the day each time I do this, so while I'm here in my home and things are not requiring me to be elsewhere rapidly, thankfully this is a moment in time in which I am more useful here in the city.

could even have been there in Felderwin.

Also, if Ludinus was trying to sway Essek over to the Vanguard and his plans, easy money that the heretic (a self-proclaimed "coward" who refused self-preservation via consecution, and managed to annoy his own intensely religious father to the point of self-destruction) wouldn't be happy about it.

That attempted recruitment and rejection could've easily been the cause of the unpleasant dynamic and tense conversation we saw on the Assembly's boat.

is now a good time to state my headcanon that essek's theft of the beacons was a minimal contribution to ludinus's overall plans (in that, aside from the distraction of the war, he only gave lewds like a few months head start and maybe some dunamantic basics, since the assembly would get ahold of the pride's call beacon anyway) and that the part essek actually heavily affected was analysis of exandria's ley lines with that geometer on the top of his towers

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everything is fine

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Essek and religious trauma

Saw this post from @balleater here and having been meaning to write a meta on the subject, theorizing about what we know.

Essek admits to being seriously traumatized when Caleb talks to him in the Grove.

(141) Caleb: Somewhat hypocritical coming from me, but try to be kind to yourself.  Essek: You, more than anyone, showed me that trauma doesn't define you.

The simplest conclusion is religious trauma, along with neglect and abandonment.

In the wrap-up Matt puts serious emphasis on Essek's parents and family being "very deeply steeped" in the religious culture alongside how Essek has "very much eschewed" the religious culture, that no one has ever genuinely cared about Essek beyond his influence and talent, that his family didn't understand or support his focus on dunamantic research (or his career), and draws clear lines about the negative aspects of Dynasty's theocratic authoritarianism and uncompromising cultural zealotry, at points Mercer even compares it to evangelicalism and doomsday cults.

He also gives us hints that it's a bad situation for anyone who doesn't follow the official faith, like in Eiselcross when Caleb asks questions about the mandated religion and Kryn theories on the beacons:

(124) Essek: It is an interesting idea, though I would caution to keep it close to the chest. Such conversations might be considered sacrilege in some circles of the Dynasty.

Which as word of god tells us Essek had a very bad relationship with his powerful authoritarian den family that didn't understand him or his goals, and he grew up in the Bastion (which is a temple to the Luxon), when the Dynasty laws are founded on the faith and enforced by the military:

(EGtW) The laws of the dynasty, which stem from the faith of the Luxon, are enforced by a network of trusted Aurora Watch captains and soldiers

To the point where Matt emphasized how even petty criminals in the prison were systematically "beaten and emaciated", sacrilege could have ugly consequences, even growing up.

Especially considering that all we know of his father is that he seemed to have a temper to the point of extremely self-destructive tendencies, and that he was possibly military and thus law enforcement (warriors function as both in the Dynasty).

Even in the dinner conversation when he was being outstandingly open, Essek was very careful not to tell the nein anything that could allow other Kryn to question his faith:

Marisha: So his lying about it [consecution] was just about going along with the zealotry and not- Matt: Exactly, because he didn't want people to think that there was something up.

And then there's Essek's massive trust problems, which are specifically focused on the word "trust":

(131) Caleb: We feel we can trust you more than my old teacher. (You see, when you say the word "trust". It's simultaneously like seeing a small hit to the heart... and whatever icy bit that cracked melts away for a minute. There's a moment of him hearing the word and letting it wash over him.) Essek: I'm thankful for the trust you put in me. And I hope to make this up to you.

(124) Essek: I've never really been trusted and so I did not trust. When I- when you gave me trust, it gave me a perspective that was so agonizingly striking. So easy to see that I refused to acknowledge it at first, even. (135) Essek: The more I begin to see Beauregard, yourself return with these markings- I've only just recently learned to trust. It's hard to begin to mistrust so quickly.

Where there's a theory that it might stem from the Dynasty's training for echo knights and dunamancers (when we've heard Essek tell Caleb that the training is comparable to that of scourgers), and we even see the echo knight in Zadash react very strongly to the word "trust":

(13) Mollymauk: We just need to know who we can trust and who we can't.  Thuron: You cannot trust anybody in this city. You cannot trust yourselves. Anyone who has not bound themselves. They are the enemy.

Other context and info gives us that consecution and worshipping the Luxon and following the umavi-written "system of pure faith" created from their interpretation of the beacons (as EGtW dictates the Luxon is canonically silent and unconscious) is required for people to hold Dynasty political/spiritual/military office and influence, to work for the theocratic government (comprised of the 12 noble religious den families), and that dunamancy and the Dynasty's dunamis research is only accessible to those working for the government.

And it seems like Essek hints at unattractive consequences to others discovering he's been lying about his faith (and/or the dangerous nature of his career):

(131) Essek: I just know that I've also survived this long, weaving the intricacies of deceit like I have, by knowing how best to keep myself out of the complications as best as I can.

Finally, we have Essek's relationship with punishment and pain, alongside the Dynasty's systematic religious corporal punishment:

(57) In the shadows there look to be multiple figures. Some human, some ogre-ish with more reinforced bars, drow. Emaciated, beaten. Not looking happy and healthy, but then again, what good Dungeon of Penance would?

(77) ...days of chosen sunlight in which the nightfall is dispelled and the people of Rosohna and Xhorhas bask in the sun. Even those who find pain and challenge in its presence, as it is part of the worship. (EGtW) The Kryn drow who emerged from the shadowed depths of the caverns beneath Xhorhas now endure periods of sunlight as part of their worship. Periods of days, sometimes weeks, will transpire in a state of perpetual evening, enabling the darkness-bound denizens to go about their work. Such periods briefly come to an end to usher in periods of scheduled, mass worship under the sunlight.

(99) Essek: I will take my leave for the night. Thank you for not throwing me into the water. (97) Essek: The pain is somewhat comforting because I am my own punishment. (91) Essek: I have seen those far older than you that have experienced maybe half the pain I see in your eyes. Age isn't everything. Experience is what hardens you, prepares you for the worst. (138) Beau: My essence will haunt you. Essek: And I would deserve it, like I deserve all of the things that haunt me. Jester: Aw, Essek... Essek: Don't- offer me any solace. (141) Essek: Maybe it's time I just found my way. Really began my penance. I've procrastinated long enough in dealing with my sins. I convinced myself I'd be alone for so much of my life. It's hard to say goodbye when I don't feel alone anymore, but… I understand. I understand and accept what I've done.

#essek #essek thelyss #kryn dynasty #kryn #egtw #cr meta #cw religious trauma #den thelyss #verin thelyss #critical role #c2 #campaign 2 #the mighty nein #mighty nein #shadowgast #caleb widogast

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I've seen people saying Ludinus is an age of arcanum wizard at 1000 years old, but do we know that?? Leylas is 1200 and she was deep in the calamity, where the drow still worshipped Lolth until the first beacon was found almost 1000 years ago.

From the sound of it, Ludinus would've been born during the calamity, or maybe with the elves who lived in the feywild until they came back

#ludinus da'leth #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #campaign 3 #c3