bos0rka

[bos0rka]

#i smoked semi-regularly for like 10 years even though i have asthma and heart issues #its okay if it kills me i enjoyed every single one of them #but i havent smoked for a while now cause im constantly sick #i cant stand weed tho it makes me feel horrible and it smells and tastes like shit

[bos0rka]

this is exactly how it feels to get depressive moods at 4pm on a wednesday

[bos0rka]

Reblog if you didn’t write My Immortal

We’re going to find the author by process of elimination.

[bos0rka]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

#i went from being a child making beautiful things #to being an adult making ugly below average things #not on purpose lmao i just peaked in hs and entering the work force fucked me up pretty bad #and honestly both of these suck big time #im sure id speak differently 15 years ago but rn id rather be good and keep it to myself than constantly keep living in shame

[bos0rka]

saw a poll about dry/humid heat and like OBVIOUSLY everyone preferred dry heat but. would love to know what everyone considers to be “too hot”

me personally it’s a hard cutoff at 75°F. don’t need anything more than that thank you 🫶🫶🫶

#anything above 20c usually makes me sick #fuck that

[bos0rka]

[bos0rka]

hey. hey you. you should tag this with your favourite picture book from your childhood!

#ronja the robber's daughter #and pippi longstocking #id like to say it wasnt because of the horses but it was because of the horses 😔

[bos0rka]

#id say more? #but im basing that solely off of how often i see myself in someones dni lmao

[bos0rka]

#living in grandparents basement and aging like fine (?) wine 💅 #couldnt afford rent even if i moved 3 hours away from the capital and changed jobs

[bos0rka]

#this is the low tier monster stage where men start looking like hear me out

[bos0rka]

Ace Week Comic...2!!

#my porn addicted ass feels so called out rn #i only hate horny stuff if its irl and involving me everything else is game #but also if you cant enthusiastically share pictures of boobs are you even friends

[bos0rka]

if you got an additional line of income that guaranteed your basic needs would be met, (notes below)

notes:

- the money can come from whatever source you'd like to imagine. UBI, sugar daddy, magically delivered in unmarked bills onto your dining table overnight by elves, blackmailing jeff bezos, wherever

- it will keep coming indefinitely

- basic needs: housing, food, medical care, clothes, etc. You would not be rich, but you would have enough. It will rise with inflation and such, to have the same purchasing power as before.

- any money you earn at your job (or anywhere) is on top of the basic needs money. How much you get is not affected by how much you make elsewhere

- vacation doesn’t necessarily mean you go anywhere; you just don't need to go to work

#oh id be out there so fast #id live off of moldy bread and water if that meant no regular job no people

[bos0rka]

When someone says these days sexism and misogyny don’t exist anymore show them this.

#yeah this shit is real af and its exhausting #luckily i dont do many emails these days #but i still have to use obnoxiously high pitched voice with customers because if i talk normally they think im being rude

[bos0rka]

Hello! No questions, just wanted to say that I miss seeing your art around </3

hii! im sorry:(( im not comfy posting full pics rn; but i can offer a random wip? :,d 🤍

#will yeet later cause ofc i will #youre not missing out dw

[bos0rka]

after fighting for my life with long covid the past 16 or so months i am so happy to inform yall ive got covid again and im back on square one 💅

#the way i wanna gorge on all the pills i own rn #unreal #sorry for all the spam and no art the past two years are hell

[bos0rka]

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

#i miss school #it sucked but at least ive had friends and some sleep #now i sleep 3 hours doing 12h shifts i have 2 long distance friends and i cant even afford moving away from my toxic ass family lmao

[bos0rka]

basically every day i feel like i have to post this meme i made a while back

#reblogging for the occasion of our whole staff being sick again because noone except me masks even when they are sick af #love having my organs obliterated by a diff plague variant every other month