bitter-gingerbread-man

[bitter-gingerbread-man]

Before going to sleep I imagine myself skydiving but without a parachute, plummeting towards the earth without restrictions with a clear end. Somehow it makes me feel calm and more sleepy.

[bitter-gingerbread-man]

Bad Luck

So lately I have been on a streak of bad bad luck as the title clearly states. Main reason being obviously that I have been stuck for a long time, things not going my way and a lot of denials, a lot of nopes from life.

Before I would get depressed, or at least that’s what I would call it, depressed. I used to love to give it that ultimatum that depression is or people make it to be. I am sad, not in the best of moods because understandably things aren’t going my way, but thats all it is, sadness. I believe life is like the Sisyphus myth but with less drama. You just keep going, you keep on swimming(Dory from finding Nemo), because that’s all life is about. Some like to work, some are wanderers and the ones that don’t move or swim, are genuinely depressed.

I like the fact that no one will read this, I don’t write these for anyone else but me to look back and reflect on my stupid thinking which at the time I am writing this I do believe it to be semi decent. 

I am sad now, will be many times, but unless you keep on moving you won’t find new opportunities or new places to wonder. It’s a pretty big world if you consider walking to most places. Walk, don’t take the shortcut of flying, you have no idea how many things you are missing. Take baby steps, step out of your comfort zone in respective personal ways. You don’t have to travel to different countries to get out of your comfort zone. Most importantly make yourself better in any way you can. Be better than yesterday, for yourself and your family, nobody else.

Be grateful for what you have and for what you achieve. You don’t see the small steps now but you will look back one day and see the process and be thankful that you never stopped. 

Keep on walking wanderer, daydream, improve, forget and remember.

[bitter-gingerbread-man]

I love sleeping, as most people do.

Window wide open, the cool breeze coming in and you feel it on your skin while yawning and your eyes start to burn mildly.

Me personally I like to leave something playing on the tv, preferably something cheerful but it rarely matters as I am not paying attention or barely listening even because I always leave it on minimum volume. Somehow this makes me feel like I am not alone and in a safer place.

What I love about sleeping in all honesty, being an atheist, I hope that dying is just the same.

When I was young, my mom would beat me up a lot. I would get bruised up get scarred across my face often and the best part of it all was sleeping, sleeping made all of that non existent. I could somehow sleep so easily because of the pain and tears it became addicting, getting lost in dreams completely far away from reality. But oh did I fear mornings.

I love sleeping because now I am 25 and have grown up problems. Always good knowing that that sweet escape is always there because I am tired.

I truly am tired even now, wrote this right before bed. In all honesty I wouldn’t mind not waking up one morning in the future if it will be the same as all this. And believe me I do fear dying, not until I have seen all there is to see. Until my dreams are properly fed from all the experience this world can offer. At least half of it, not that rich and less ballsy even.

Off to sleep now

#dreambig #dreams #sleep #i just want to sleep