bipolbur

[bipolbur]

this too shall pass

[bipolbur]

oh! i should totally tell them about- *glances at my "am i being annoying" meter in the corner of my vision* ...i often find such peace in silent reflection 😌

[bipolbur]

no matter how many times i reread my chapters i find new mistakes, i've read chapter 4 of washed up like 20 times since posting and i've had to edit three things Today im not even done rereading this time sobs

#text

[bipolbur]

i will not accidentally put myself in a bad mood. i will take a shower and then write and be so happy forever

#text

[bipolbur]

[bipolbur]

i truly believe that if i didn't have anxiety everything else in the world would be fine. depression bipolar whatever the fuck else if i was not an anxious mess about literally every decision or action i make i would be perfect

#text

[bipolbur]

made breakfast and made lunch im sort of the bravest person alive

#text

[bipolbur]

i already have a job and it's called keeping myself alive. why do i have to be employed on top of that

[bipolbur]

u ever wish ur mind would just shut the fuck up

[bipolbur]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[bipolbur]

Yeah i have a dark past (being 13). Just an absolutely horrible backstory (being 13). It would keep you up at night if i told you about it (i was 13 one time)

[bipolbur]

like i have my s5-s6 buffy dsmp au but s6 is Very different bc 1. wilbur’s response to coming back has its differences and 2. there is no spike. has a lot to do with kristin actually bc she is trying to kill wilbur. Badly.

#text #story ideas

[bipolbur]

i think i have an ear infection

#text

[bipolbur]

making a list of foods in my house so i dont forget them and it became so clear i need it when i thought i was finished with the list and later remembered the whole fridge in my room that holds many of my foods

#text

[bipolbur]

trying to clean my room except my glasses keep falling off my face due to being so fucking broken + i am sweating like crazy and my allergies are killing me due to the carpet being fucking made if cat hair and everything else for that matter and i just wish the universe saw that my room made me sad and would just magically clean it except unfortunately im on god’s most hated list this month so the universe is not fucking doing that

#text

[bipolbur]

I hate work I should be at the (remembers I don't want to go to the club) the imagination

[bipolbur]