beelzuhh

[beelzuhh]

i updated it due to current happenings

edit: FUCKING REBLOG IT. LIKES DONT MEAN SHIT!

[beelzuhh]

As someone who has been living with severe suicidal ideation my entire life I wanna tell you all something, you don’t have to stay alive for yourself. People will say it’s a bad idea to live for external things because they’re temporary, and it’s true living for yourself is ideal but if you’re not to that point yet that’s ok too. 

I’ve lived for my dog for the past 4 years, before that I lived for my snakes, before that I lived for my cat. You can live for whatever needs you and whatever matters to you. Live for your best friend, live for your plants, live for your pets, live for your animal crossing town. Live for whatever keeps you alive and the day will come when you can live for yourself.

[beelzuhh]

I'm begging other trans people to read an ounce of Black Feminist or Decolonialist Feminist writing. I'm on my hands and knees and begging you. I promise you, I promise you, there is so much more to Feminist theory than anything you have picked up from White/Radical/Pop/Liberal Feminism I promise you. Read There Is No Hierarchy Of Oppressions By Audre Lorde. I have a link to the PDF right here you can read it for free. Take my hand I can't do this alone (thanks glass beach). Peace And Love On Planet Earth.

[beelzuhh]

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

[beelzuhh]

"I would kill for you. I would die for you" would you take a break for me? Would you sit down and rest? For a day, a week, a year? Would you let others take care of your needs for me? Would you let yourself be held for me? By me?

[beelzuhh]

folks, on a scale from :| to :D how are we feeling today

#art #drawing #doodle #i don't know why i made this #look how gleeful that idiot is on the right #i can't stop laughing at his expression of unadulterated joy #help me

[beelzuhh]

[beelzuhh]

“what if a heterosexual cisgender man said he was aro just to get access to the queer community” what if

you just made up a guy to get mad at. i get it you hate alloaros and think theyre weird and are using the word “man” to get everyone to think some outside force is invading your pure lgbt community but like. really. if some mlw aromantic man wants to share his community with me then great whatever i dont care.

[beelzuhh]

tweet

Something like this would be so colossally helpful. I'm sick and tired of trying to research specific clothing from any given culture and being met with either racist stereotypical costumes worn by yt people or ai generated garbage nonsense, and trying to be hyper specific with searches yields fuck all. Like I generally just cannot trust the legitimacy of most search results at this point. It's extremely frustrating. If there are good resources for this then they're buried deep under all the other bullshit, and idk where to start looking.

[beelzuhh]

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

[beelzuhh]

not sure if this will make sense to anyone besides me but: the antidote to negativity is not positivity, its warmth

[beelzuhh]

[beelzuhh]

diet culture is so fucking sad.

i once played the asking game with my mom when she was talking to me about her diet plans.

why are you dieting? because i've gained loads of weight recently. who cares? everyone does. i don't care. but i do. why? because i don't want to be fat. why don't you want to be fat? because it's embarrassing and i don't want to be an ugly pig. is being fat hurting you? not especially, but it's not nice for other people to look at.

at this point i looked at her and said "don't you think it's sad that you're spending your whole life putting these rules upon yourself, rules that naturally skinny people aren't expected to abide by, all for the effort of trying not to be fat?" and she looked back at me with suddenly wet eyes and said, with an amount of difficulty, that yes, it is sort of sad when you think about it.

she's been fat ever since i, her eldest child, was born. she was always super skinny in her youth, but pregnancy changed her body shape and her metabolism, and i only ever knew her as a very fat woman growing up. chances are, she will never be thin again. her lifestyle is no different to how it was before my existence; her body just works differently now. she sees it as a personal failure. she doesn't eat her favorite foods anymore, doesn't go out dating, doesn't make friends, doesn't go to events, doesn't allow anyone to buy her clothes for her birthday because she can't bear anyone knowing her size. she lives a lonely life, unwilling to do her favorite things. she elected for a gastric bypass surgery which, over the last few years, has introduced multiple complications that came very close to killing her, and yet she doesn't regret the surgery because it helped her lose a few pounds. she basically does not have a stomach anymore and she still believes her fatness is because she's been doing something wrong for the last 20something years.

diet culture is deadly not only because of the self-starvation and malnutrition but because it rips away pieces of your life that you're supposed to enjoy. relationships and sex are only for thin people, a glass of wine and some chocolate at the end of a difficult day is an indulgence only allowed to thin people, cute clothes are only for thin people, family photographs are only for the thin relatives, riding a bike on vacation with your kids is only for families with thin parents.

doesn't your soul ache? doesn't it hurt you to see people doing this to themselves, to inflict this on YOURself? you can do all of these things. your life can be lived fully and joyously and with love, but you distance yourself from the things that make you happy because you feel like you aren't good enough for them. it breaks my heart.

fatphobia is something oft inflicted upon people by others, but it comes from inside too. kill the part of you that thinks you aren't good enough. your body is perfect already, my love.

[beelzuhh]

I think people would armchair diagnose bad people with cluster B disorders much less if psychiatric disorders hadn't all been given names by ableists who of course picked the traits most unberarable to "sane" people to name them rather than, you know, the ways it affects the people that have them. It's like, when doctors are all "this disorder gives you extremely low self esteem. and it's called the Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder" or "this disorder makes you want to die so bad. and it's called the Hysteric Bitch Disorder" or "this disorder disconnects you from your peers. and it's called the Insane Evil Cunt Disorder" and so on and so forth, so of course you have people going "oh, this person is a selfish fucking asshole, they MUST have Selfish Fucking Asshole Disorder! this further proves that all people with this disorder are like that in the first place!" Do You See It

[beelzuhh]

For anyone worried about missing anything in BG3 or replaying the game and wanting to find something they missed there’s a ton of checklists available online and I’m just gonna post the ones I’ve been using for all the acts in case anybody else wants to reference them!

[beelzuhh]

“Hamas shouldn’t have attacked”

🙃

The Israeli genocide of Palestinians has been ongoing for 70 years.

[beelzuhh]

God’s favorite princess and the most interesting girl in the world✨