becalmm

[becalmm]

[becalmm]

someone: lies to me once, compulaively because of a personality disorder, swears theyll stop because we worked out the issue

me: youre lying to me about everything. you have been lying to me about everything. i caught the one time but im sure theres more. maybe you hate me. what is your MOTIVE

#actuallyppd

[becalmm]

today’s impulse of the day: hurt your friends!!! you know exactly how to make them break down, you know their triggers! misgender them, call them their dead name!! fucking make them hate you!!!!! you know everyone does anyway, it’d be a relief to hear it!!

#ok yea

[becalmm]

boy oh boy do i feel appreciated and loved

#sarcasm ///

[becalmm]

someone with their hands cupped around their mouth, yelling: you're kind of really unapproachable and emotionally unavailable a majority of the time

me from behind the fifty walls surrounding me, all made of different materials, some i built myself and others that seemed to just grow there all on their own or feel like they were there all along: Huh

#.cht #me

[becalmm]

i either want all my empathy for everything to go away or i want to be a functioning person i don’t deserve this in-between struggling to not lose my friends but struggling to want friends at once bullshit. i want to stop caring about people so i dont have to worry about anything but myself

#ceo.txt

[becalmm]

i was so happy for a few days and welp. glad 2 see we’ve ruined that, self

#im such a gross hypocrite tho #im so fuckin bitter i want everyone to think like me i get so angry over the smallest of things for a little.... im fine now but im just #wow. what an asshole we have right here. fuck them right? (them is me)

[becalmm]

#IS THIS NOTME #relevant #but its relevant like all the itime with everythign so

[becalmm]

honestly... maybe im starting to want 2 them more because theyve actually tried a lot of my past hyperfixations... ugh

[becalmm]

this is the most immature way to get someone to see wy im feeling shit but hey im a whiny brat so its fine :^)

#id rather indirectly hurt him than say it to his face because tbh idk how to bring this up w/o being rude

[becalmm]

me: hey you should check out my hyperfixation its very important to me and is the only thing on my mind and i have no friends to talk about it to boyfriend: im sorry i cant watched subbed anime its hard to process :^( me: [heart crushed] ok!!

[5 days later]

boyfriend: haha im gonna watch this subbed anime on a whim because a character looks cute me: ah yes....................................

[becalmm]

stop interacting with others! stop liking others stop it they don’t deserve you im the only one who deserves you!! youre supposed to love me and only me

[becalmm]

tfw you realized youll never be anyones Best Friend or Number Oone because you can’t listen when they vent

#.txt

[becalmm]

love me  love me  love me  love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me love me

#actual transcrpiton from my brain at all times

[becalmm]

#.png #wow! how relevant

[becalmm]

“i’ll never be as good as them.

what have i been doing this whole time!?”

#i should rewatch c3bu because yura is relatable

[becalmm]

reeja isnt messaging me back and she’s probably just havin a bad mental health day but i always get so worried. i really really dont want to lose her if i did idk

#itd be really bad id probably go dormant honestly Kappa