b-movie-mondays

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B Movie Mondays

Llamageddon (NR, 2015) Amazon - Tubi Run Time: 1h 9m Watches: 6 IMDB Rating: 3.8/10 My Rating: 🦈🦈🦈🦈🦈 Word Count: 725

A cinematic masterpiece. Perhaps one of the only movies I’ll ever review to get all five sharks. Unironically one of my favorite films of all time. Comedic genius. 

What’s good about Llamageddon isn’t that it’s good; no, this movie is awful, but it has charm. It’s funny. It’s endearing. It ever gets old. There isn’t a boring scene in this godforsaken film. Llamageddon knows what it is. It’s a self-aware, on-purpose, B-movie-with-no-budget. That’s why I love it! The 6 watches is an estimate, because I’ve probably watched this movie countless times. Enough about my praises, let's get into the meat and potatoes of the 2015 Sci-Fi horror comedy “Llamageddon”.

Llamageddon follows the story of 20-something siblings Floyd and Mel, along with Mel’s friends, who she invited to their deceased grandparents’ home. How did their grandparents die you may ask yourself? A killer llama from outer space, of course! That’s right; the villain of this movie is a space-llama with laser eyes. 

The film starts with a lovely animated sequence of the killer llama planet, in which we see our Killer Llama (played by animal actor Louie the Llama) crash landing on planet Earth. Killer Llama, who I’ll be calling “KL” for short, wanders onto the property of MeeMaw and Pep Pep, our protagonists' grandparents. MeeMaw and Pep Pep assume the llama belongs to one of their neighbors…which turns out to be a grave mistake. MeeMaw and Pep Pep are brutally murdered. Shenanigans ensue.

Mel is a popular party girl and Floyd is a nerd. They really make sure you know this man is a loser in this film. It is referenced constantly. Floyd is cringe-fail. Floyd is a little meow meow. He is sopping wet and pathetic. I want to throw him around like a football. I want to put him in the washing machine and watch him spin. He’s like a milk-soaked Webkinz cat to me. 

Our two protagonists are joined by Mel’s friends, and all of them are incredible. The characters in this movie are just so strange and lovely. They’re flat yet 3-dimensional at the same time. My personal favorite is Dan, who changes his shirt 23 times throughout the whole movie. Let it be very clear that I don’t mean he changes his shirt on camera, but rather every time he’s on screen he’s wearing a new one. The first time it happens you think “Hey, look at this little inconsistency thing that happened” but  once you get up to about 5 you start anticipating and looking forward to it. 

Now the cast doesn’t particularly matter because save for Mel and Floyd, everyone dies. I like to try to make sure my reviews are at least somewhat spoiler free, so if you decide to watch it for yourself there’s at least some surprise, but this is just something that needs to be said. They all die. There are so many very, very absurd and over the top deaths that it’s laughable. Remember the game Dumb Ways To Die? It’s like that. Sometimes it's in a car explosion, sometimes it’s getting electrocuted in the jacuzzi, sometimes it’s getting shot after turning into a semi-sentient llama-man and laying tons of fuzzy alien llama eggs (yes, that really happens). You never know. KL spares no one. 

Llamageddon’s soundtrack is something worth mentioning as well. There is an original song created specifically for the movie played at the end of the film and it’s…kind of a bop? It goes kind of hard? I don’t want to sing too many praises to Llamageddon but this movie really does have it all. There’s no trope that goes untouched. It’s truly a masterpiece of cinema. 

Honestly writing this was a tad hard because there’s just so much that happens and so much to talk about. I don’t like posting super long reviews because I feel like no one reads them, but holy shit. I could write about this movie for hours and hours and hours. There’s just too much to touch on. I really can’t recommend you watch it enough. Get some friends to do it with though. I assure you this movie is a million times funnier if you’re subjecting someone to it. Have fun making your loved ones turn to you in confusion and concern and ask, “What the fuck are you making me watch?” 

#llamageddon #b movie mondays #b movies #b movie #bad movies #horror #sci fi #comedy #movie review #movies #2010’s movies

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Beta Readers and Helpers

------------ Ash - She/Her Insta: ash_luvs_u Tumblr: @slipknot-enthusiast-ash Hi I’m gay and I have funny glasses. Follow my instagram and tumblr because I’m pretty cool. Also I’m Del’s favorite, I don’t care what anyone has to say. ------------

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B Movie Mondays

Robert (NR, 2015) DVD - Tubi Run Time: 1h 30m Watches: 2 IMDB Rating: 3.1/10 My Rating: 🦈🦈 Word Count: 420 

This movie might not actually be a B movie, by my God is it a bad movie.

Robert is your run of the mill haunted doll movie, complete with a strange little boy and oblivious parents. What separates Robert from other spooky doll movies? I'm not sure. Maybe it's them being British. 

Now Robert is meant to be a horror movie. Or at least that was the assumption. Jam packed with homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and classism the only horrifying thing about this movie is the blatant bigotry.

I think they were trying to make a doll that looked like Chucky, but ended up giving us Shane Dawson on an episode of Botched. Robert is a try hard prop that somehow didn't try hard enough. It's trying so hard to look scary and grotesque that it's almost funny. There’s nothing unsettling about him. They try to make Robert do heinous things such as…steal sugar and ruin a painting? He also murders people, but that's so mundane it hardly matters.

The mother in the movie is supposed to have schizophrenia or some sort of psychotic disorder and the way this movie handles it is unbearable. Her husband is such an awful person to her and it's almost hard to watch. The husband isn't supposed to exactly be likeable, so I suppose they did that well, but at the same time he's unlikeable in what seems like an unintended way. Regardless, the entire family is quite insufferable. The wife is shrill and generally annoying, the husband is a class act asshole, and the son is so boring that I can't even really remember him doing anything noteworthy. 

No one in this movie is a particularly good actor either. None of the performances are exactly convincing, which tends to be important in a horror movie. This felt like a soulless parody more than a movie of its own. Chucky walked so Robert could crawl.

Would I waste an hour and 30 minutes of my time on this movie again? Absolutely not. Do I recommend you waste an hour and 30 of your time on this movie? Also no! Unless you really love bad horror, there's nothing to watch this movie for. No interesting scenes, no character development, no meaningful twists. 

This movie was based on a real doll. They had a real paranormal event to draw from and yet they still fell short. They pride themselves on being different from Annabel and Chucky, but it's just another clone. This movie is boring and uninspired.

#robert #horror #b movie #b movie mondays #b movies #bad movies #movie review #writing #horror movies #horror film #horror genre #doll #horror dolls #robert movie #robert doll

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B Movie Mondays

Mom, Murder, and Me (NR, 2014) DVD - Tubi - Amazon - YouTube Run Time: 1h 33m Watches: 2 IMDb Rating: 5.4/10 My Rating: 🦈🦈 Word Count: 494

This movie feels like a Christian Hallmark Fever Dream. I refuse to believe anyone in this movie is actually an actor. They all feel like Townies in the Sims.

Mom, Murder, and Me (MMM for short) is a film by Shadow Angel FILMS and as such is one of the most…bizzare things I’ve ever watched? This feels like a movie that would be on at your aunt’s house on Lifetime during Easter and you never actually watch the whole thing but you kind of get the premise and no one actually pays attention to it except your weird Uncle Gabe’s new girlfriend Rebecca.

MMM is about a San Francisco woman named Annabel (the last M) and her increasingly confusing relationship with her mother (the first M). Annabel is possibly the most obnoxious woman I've even seen, and her entire personality is a disaster. Her mother, Joan, is even worse. I hate them infinitely. Annabel's neighbors, Frank and Wanda, end up dead and Joan is convinced it's murder (the second M). 

This is suppose to be a murder mystery and oh boy is it a mystery. The main characters are grasping at straws the entire time and all of the plot twists are painfully predictable. No one can act, either, so it makes all of it so much worse.

The entire movie is so racist and classist and misogynistic it hurts. The amount of snide comments against homeless and poor people, the racial stereotypes and double standards, the subtle homophobia, the crushingly traditional gender roles…it's all just so much. They somehow managed to shove every trope ever into this movie. I literally refused to watch this movie alone because I knew I couldn't get through it without emotional support.

My absolute favorite part of this movie is how no one ever seems to know what's going on. Even the characters who definitely should know what's going on don't have a clue. I don't have a clue. The people I watched this with don't have a clue. There were so many times I had to turn to one of my friends and ask, “Wait, what just happened?” It's truly an experience.

The cinematography is a whole nother story. The choices they make are just so strange! I can't tell if it's inexperience or if it's trying to be artsy but either way it's damn near intolerable. The perpetual shaking and odd angles and contant camera pans is all so annoying to try to watch. 

Even getting past all of that there's just nothing that makes this movie truly worthwhile. I guess the premise is alright? The conclusion was mediocre and the last minute forced focus on the romance between Annabel and Buck was weird. It's only fun if you watch it with someone else and even then it's not that entertaining. It's 2 sharks just because I'm making snarky comments about it with someone else was fun. I just don't think I ever do this alone.

#mom murder and me #b movie #b movie mondays #b movies #bad movies #movie review #this is actually a movie i got at the dollar store so like #you get what you pay for i guess

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I'm going to the dollar store to find some DVD's! I'll do a haul in a little while.

#del speaks #finally the blog is set up enough for me to post things other than reviews and pinned assets

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B Movie Mondays

The Frog Prince(ss) (NR, 2009) DVD - YouTube - Amazon Run Time: 40m Watches: 2 IMDb Rating: 1.6/10 My Rating: 🦈 Word Count: 288

Man I don't even think I can call this a movie. Dear god. This might be the shortest review I've ever written just because there's really nothing to talk about.

So this “movie” is a knock-off of Disney’s The Princess and The Frog. The voice acting and the animation and the story and the characters and the everything! It’s all so so so bad! I could hardly watch this thing! 

This clipart animation has me at my wits end. The characters hardly move and the sprites are so boring and unexpressive that it makes you wonder what emotion they're trying to portray.

The voice acting isn't even laughably bad, it's just bad. The delivery of lines is so poor in so many places that they would have been better just cutting them out of the script. To be fair this was originally dubbed in Portuguese so maybe that was good and the English is just trash.

The story is boring and dare I say non-existent. There are multiple points in the plot that seem like they’d be important (princess school, the Rain Spirit kingdom) that are just never brought up again. 

The characters are all horrible people. The protagonist, Princess Iria, is so self centered and judgmental and just cruel that it makes it impossible to like her. The frog is a sleazy, misogynistic asshole. So are half of the other men in this movie. The only decent character is Iria’s father, but even he’s kind of annoying. 

Overall I cannot recommend this movie less. If I could give this zero sharks I definitely would. Alas, that would defeat the point of my rating system. Long story short, don't watch this movie. It's not worth the 40 minutes.

#the frog prince #bad movies #b movie #b movie mondays #b movies #disney knock offs #movie review #2000's movies #i wanted so badly to write a decent review for this one!!!! but there's just nothing to talk about!!!!!!!!!!!

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B Movie Mondays

Mac and Me (PG, 1988) DVD - Tubi Run Time: 1h 39m Watches: 2 IMDb Rating: 3.3/10 My Rating: 🦈🦈🦈 Word Count: 745

I honestly like this movie. Is it so cheesy it’s bad? Yes. Is it a good family watch together? Also yes.

Mac and Me was a film produced by McDonald’s. Yes, that McDonald’s. That being said, this is a fairly solid 80’s family movie. As all do, this has its flaws. The characters are flat, the story line is a little boring, and the aliens are the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen in my life…but all of these things make this movie so charming. You’d think this film would feel soulless and dull because it's more or less 99 minutes of product placement, but it doesn’t. There are moments, of course, where this is a ridiculous commercial rather than a movie, but overall I enjoyed watching this.

Now, I only gave it a 3 for a few main reasons. The characterizations, the plot, and the design choices. If that seems nitpicky it’s because it is. Starting with the characterizations, I didn’t really expect much. This is a failed Mickey D’s cash grab family film, so I didn’t think there was going to be any good or interesting character growth. That being said, the character development was so bland, and damn near non-existent, that it was hard to actually like anyone in this movie. 

Small side tangent, I do enjoy the way that they incorporated Eric’s wheelchair. As a disabled person myself, it means a lot to me that they were so casual about it. Of course this movie is from 1988, so the representation isn’t flawless, but it’s still pretty good for its time. Something that bothers me a lot about other reviews of this film is people making fun of the wheelchair for simply existing. Was the wheelchair needed for plot development? No, it wasn’t, and that’s what makes it good. Now bear in mind that I cringe every time I watch the wheelchair-falling-off-a-cliff scene, but seeing as that was the only major flaw, I don’t have much to say about it.

Moving on to the plot, it was just…boring. Nothing very notable was happening in the story that impressed me. I’m okay with this, and I wasn’t expecting a groundbreaking script and writing, but I wanted something a little more exciting. I found myself on my phone a lot while watching this movie. Long story short, this is an E.T. rip off; boy finds alien, boy befriends alien, boy goes on a wacky adventure to return alien to family, and boom, happy ending. But the difference between Mac and Me and E.T. is that E.T. was good. Don’t get me wrong, I like Mac and Me, but it’s not original. It doesn’t have anything special going for it. 

There are a few moments where I couldn’t help but laugh, whether that was because a joke they made actually landed or because a scene was so bad it was funny. More of the latter than the former, but there are a lot of good one-liners here and there. None of their visual gags were that funny, but the jokes were pretty good for a kid’s comedy. 

Last but not least, let's talk about the design choices, because oh boy, choices were made. These aliens, man. They are so goddamn ugly. E.T. was kind of ugly too, but in a cute way. The aliens in Mac and Me do not have that going for them. The baby aliens look better than the adults, but even they’re scary. I think if I were a small child watching this I might’ve cried. The way these things move is so surreal that it triggers my fight or flight, and the weird whistling they use is so grating that I had to mute it at times. They tried too hard to make a cute alien with big eyes that didn’t look like E.T. and they ended up re-inventing El Chupacabra instead. 

The sets were lack-luster and didn't feel memorable, but I thought the costuming was nice. The only time I really thought “Wait, what?” about a set was in the McDonald’s scene, where they are in some sort of Mega McDonnies with a massive dining room and full service waitstaff. Also people were singing and dancing. I thought I was having a fever dream. Do not watch this movie while high. Or do, whatever makes you happy.

All in all, this is a mediocre movie. It’s good for what it is, but it’s not particularly special in any way.

#b movie #b movie mondays #b movies #mac and me #80s movies #bad movies #1980s movies #movie review

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Welcome to B Movie Mondays

My name is Del! My pronouns are they/she. I'm a bad film enthusiast and DVD collector. Here, I try to watch and write reviews for bad movies at least bi-weekly.

My reviews are very informal! They are meant to be comedic and are just my thoughts on the film.

FAQ - Shark System - Suggest a Movie - Movie Review Masterlist - Beta Readers and Helpers

⬇️ Additional Info Below ⬇️

If you ever want to watch the movies I review, I usually say where I watched it in my review. A lot of them are on DVD, but I'll try to provide a few other places to watch it (as well as a link to buy the DVD, if you feel so inclined).

The other main place I watch movies is Amazon Prime. No, I don't willingly pay for it. I'm still living under my parents' roof. Rest assured, I have never paid for a movie on Amazon.

My all time favorite movie franchise is Sharknado. Yes, I've seen every single one. No, I don't regret it. I also love other bad shark movies like Jaws and Sharktopus.

I might also give updates about my DVD collection. These movies won't always be bad; if the movie is good I just won't review it here. Almost all of my DVD's are second hand. If they aren't, I'll probably say so and leave a link to where I got it.

Everyone's standards for good and bad movies is different. I don't care if you think I movie I reviewed is actually good. It's my blog. That being said, if there were things that I didn't state in my review that you thought were worth noting, I'd love to hear it! I'll try my best to respond to replies, reblogs, and asks.

#b movies #b movie #movie reviews

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FAQ

Q: Where do you watch the movies you review?

A: DVD and other streaming services. Occasionally I'll pirate something.

Q: What's your favorite B-Movie?

A: Sharknado (All Of Them)

Q: Can you you a review of ______?

A: If there's a movie you want me to review, you can submit it here.

Q: Have you done a review of ______?

A: If you want to know if I've reviewed a movie you can check the masterlist.

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The Shark System

Here, instead of 5 stars I do 5 sharks. This is just because I think its funny. Below is how my ratings work.

1 - Horrible

2 - Bad

3 - Okay

4 - Good

5 - Great

For the record, bad movies can be great. There is inherent value in all the films I watch and that's what I'm judging.

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Movie Review Masterlist

My Mom's a Werewolf (PG, 1989)

Mac and Me (PG, 1988)

The Frog Prince(ss) (NR, 2009)

Mom, Murder, and Me (NR, 2014)

Robert (NR, 2015)

Llamageddon (NR, 2015)

#b movie mondays #b movie #b movies #this is sad now but i promise the list will look better soon

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B Movie Mondays

My Mom's a Werewolf (PG, 1989) DVD - Tubi - Amazon - Youtube Run Time: 1h 30m Watches: 1 IMDB Rating: 4.5/10 My Rating: 🦈🦈 Word Count: 420

Wow. Where to start. This Is Certainly A Movie.

First I'd like to say that the acting in this movie honestly wasn't too bad. It was definitely a cheesy 80's movie, but compared to other movies I've seen this was very professional.

Second I'd like to point out that this is was 100% not a PG film. Between the sex scenes and jokes, the constant swearing, and general subject matter, I am incredibly amused by the idea of this being a family movie. Sitting down with the kids and wife and then watching Hetero Werewolf Hornfest: Family Edition.

The overall premise of the movie is something I wish I could call simple. It should be a pretty straight forward plot; Mother feels neglected by constant working Husband, Mother finds tall dark stranger, Stranger is a werewolf, Stranger turns Mother into a werewolf. But no. There's so many leaps and bounds made here, so many strangely unnecessary scenes that did nothing to contribute to the film, story lines that are never explored, and so many unneeded characters.

I can appreciate something being in a movie for the sake of being in the movie but with MMaW it all felt very...unfinished. Like the Movie wasn't actually edited. Sure, they half all the footage spliced together, but I feel like i'm watching a blooper reel sometimes.

Adding to the messy nature of this movie, I didn't feel like it was meant to be a werewolf movie. It feels like it's supposed to be a vampire movie but they changed the script last minute. The themes and characters and costumes all feel much more vampire. Theres something of a ghost of foreshadowing of vampire themes, only for it to be a werewolf movie. Of course I knew the monster going in, but while watching it I couldn't get the thought out of my head.

This movie also went on Way. Too. Long. Every time I thought I had reached the end there was a new strange plot twist. This felt like it was supposed to be a trilogy but they only had the budget for one film and they were desperately trying to fit all of their ideas into one movie.

I definitely have a lot more thoughts on this movie, but I'm going to leave it here for now. Would I recommend this one? Absolutely not. It was bland and boring and an honest waste of 90 minutes. I tried to do a second watch through but couldn't bring myself to finish it.

#b movie mondays #my moms a werewolf #bad movies #b movie #1980s movies