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awrdtothewise · 7 years

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I curled up next to her, I felt warm and safe. Nothing could take this away from me, or so I thought. I heard the key in the lock and the two of us immediately leaned away from each other. My dad walked through the door. “Emra could you please help bring in the groceries?” He poked his head over one of the brown bags in his arms. “Oh Cali, I didn’t know you were here, how are you?” My heart sunk, why did he have to come home so soon? I was so happy and it felt like every warm feeling in my body just froze. “Hi, Mr. Puji” Cali said while standing up and gathering her things. “I’m doing great, thank you, but I should really get home, good bye Mr. Puji.” She turned to face me. “Bye Emra, see you in school on Monday.” She left. Just like that and it was all gone. I stood slowly and folded up the blanket we were using. It still smells like her, like cinnamon and candy. I made my way to the car and picked out the last few bags.

“Cali seems like a really nice girl, shame she left right away, she could have stayed for supper.” My heart stuttered. “No.” My dad looked at me with wide eyes. “I just mean that it means a lot to her to eat supper with her family, it’s pretty big so they don’t usually spend that much time all of them together.” I totally lied but my dad just nodded. “I understand why that would be important to her and her family.” My dad mumbled. “It’s nice for families to spend time together, communicate, laugh together.”

“Dad?” His head shot up, breaking him out of another thought. “Are you talking about mom? About her leaving us?”

“Sorry Emra, I shouldn’t say bad things about your mother in front of you. It’s not right. Anyways, how are your classes, is Cali in any of them, you two are getting pretty close.”

“Yeah, she is in my science class. She tells really funny jokes!” I quickly bit my tongue, I didn’t want to gush too much about Cali, I didn’t want him to know anything. “Dad I’m not that hungry and I’ve got homework, may I be excused?”

“Sure sweetie, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just got things to do.” I sort of wanted to tell him about Cali, about Cali and me. I hated hiding things from him, I hated the lies, I hated the pressure. Sometimes the weight on my shoulders felt like it was suffocating me, but I couldn’t risk it. I just couldn’t.

Once I was in my room I had a shower, washing my long black hair and then just standing there, water pouring over me, the smell of coconut and jojoba oil surrounding me. Eventually I got out and put on my pyjamas. My phone buzzed as I lay on my bed. New message from Cali flashed across my screen.

From Cali

Hey Emra, sucks I had to go but I had a great

time with you! You may be the best snuggler EVER.

I smiled to myself.

From Emra

Nah Cals, you’ve got to be the best. I’m sorry

you had to leave too. Did you go right home?

From Cali

Yeah, my abuela is visiting from Mexico and she’ll arrive

In about an hour.

From Emra

Wow! Thats awesome, hope you have fun. How

long is she staying for?

From Cali

She’s staying for a few weeks. Em there is something

I really need to ask you.

Reading that last text my heart started beating like I’d run a marathon.

From Emra

Sure anything Cals, what’s up?

From Cali

I know ‘we’ are a secret but it’s been really hard on me

I’m sure it has been on you too, but Em, I think I want to tell

My brother and my abuela. I get that you’re not sure about

your dad and we’ve only been a thing for like two months

but my brother raised me after my mom and dad died and

we’ve never hid anything from each other. I know I said I

was cool keeping it a secret but that was more for you than

me Em. I want my brother to know this is a part of me. This is

who I am. I want to scream it you know ‘I LIKE GIRLS’ ‘IM A

HUUUUGE LESBIAN’ ‘IM HELLA GAY’ and I think its

perfect while my abuela is here. And we can keep it a secret

at your dads if you want but dammit Em I like you and that’s

not something I should be ashamed of. And Em, I’d like you

to be there when I tell them. You don’t have to be if you’re

uncomfortable with it but I’m just saying I’d like you to be. And

when you are ready to tell your dad I’ll be there for you if you

want me to be.

My fingers hovered over the keyboard. What am I supposed to do. I wanted to shout it too. I started shaking. I want to be there for Cali but I hadn’t even told my own dad. I clumsily responded.

From Emra

What about your grandma? What will she think?

From Cali

Emra she’s family. She loves me, she’ll either accept it

and continue to love me or she won’t and I’ll tell her I’m still

gay whether or not she accepts it. Either I be gay and she’s

still my abuela or I’m gay and she’s not. It’s her choice because

this is a part of me. It’s who I am and she has no right to take

it away.

From Emra

Tell me the time and I’ll be there.

I responded before I even really thought about it. I really like Cali and I wanted to be there to support her when she needed me.

From Cali

Perfect! I really like you Emra! Tomorrow at noon?

From Emra

Works for me, I like you too! See you then, night Cals

From Cali

Night Em <3

From Emra

I lay on my bed thinking about the next day with a pit in my stomach.

I woke up feeling refreshed before I remembered and my heart dropped again. I dressed nicely but not too fancy. I put on black pants and a collared shirt, with my hair in a thick braid going down my back.

“Bye dad, I’m going out for a bit”

“Sure thing, did you have something to eat? Where are you going? Who with? When will you be back?”

“Yes, Cali’s, Cali and her family, not sure but I’ll text you.”

“Okay, I don’t even remember the questions I asked, any way, one sec I’m coming down for a goodbye hug” He ran down the stairs and jumped down the last two steps. “You look lovely, have fun! Text me when you get there so I know you’re safe.” He pulled me in for a hug. “I will dad, love you.”

“Love you too kiddo”

I left the house and prepared myself for what was coming next.

I knocked on the door. “Emra! You really came, thank you!” The door had swung open almost immediately. She pulled me in. “Are you ready for this?” She whispered in my ear. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” I whispered back. She dragged me into her small living room where her brother and abuela sat. Her brother was tall, he had a few scars from the car accident that killed Cali and his parents, he was extra tanned from long hours of working outside and smiled brightly when I came in. “Ah ha, I guess you do exist, Cali told us all about you, I bet abuela four dollars you weren’t real. I mean Cali with friends, and you conveniently leaving just before I get home. I guess I was wrong.” He laughed to himself and Cali smacked his arm. “So that’s my brother, he thinks he’s funny.” I held out my hand and we shook. “And this is my abuela, she’s really awesome!” The small old lady turned to me. “Hello sweetie, you look beautiful! Your braid is so long and thick, what amazing hair you have, and so polite, shaking hands, what a sweet girl.” I smiled. “It’s lovely to meet you-uh-”

“Alvera, and what is your name darling?”

“Emra”

“A lovely name sweetie”

I felt Cali breathing deeply next to me. “So Yeah I’m gay.” I turned to her. “Oh that was-”

“Quick and easy” she cut in. “Look I didn’t want to make it a whole huge thing because I didn’t want to. I’m gay, that’s it, the end.”

“Ahhhhhh” her abuela sighed. “So this is your girlfriend?”

“Uh, yes Alvera, I am.”

“That makes much more sense, friends don’t look at each other they way you two look at each other, and sweetie call me abuela.”

“Cool” her brother said before getting up. “So anybody want anything to drink? I was going to ask before Cali rudely interrupted.”

“Some water please.” Abuela responded. “So how did you two meet?”

“Wait, that’s it? You just carry on? Nobody has anything to say? You even let me call you abuela?”

“Yeah duh” Cali’s brother called from the kitchen. “She’s my sister, I don’t care if she dates a boy or a girl I just want her to be happy.”

“Of course.” abuela chimed in. “She is a whole person, smart and funny, very talented, I am not going to make a big deal out of her liking young ladies, she has no choice in that but she does choose to do well at school, so I would rather make a big deal out of that, congratulations, by the way, darling, for the amazing report card. Again, how did you two meet? And Emra I want you to tell me all about you!” I sat there stunned as Cali dove into story after story, she talked to both her brother and abuela and neither of them seemed and different. I thought there would be more yelling, either mad or happy, but I guess this isn’t a movie. I was so proud of Cali for what she did, for how she handled it.

“That was amazing Cali!” I squeezed her hand as we walked to my house. Cali had offered to walk me home, her brother offered to drive but abuela had giggled and told him to sit down and give us some alone time. “Your family is awesome!”

“I know, I got so lucky, like I could’ve gotten a family who would’ve been really upset or kick me out but I didn’t. I get that this doesn’t happen every time, and I won’t like pressure you into coming out to your dad or whatever, but it meant a lot that you came today. My abuela really seems to like you.”

“And I really like your abuela!”

“No! She’s also your abuela now, she wants you to just call her abuela!”

“Wow, I am just so happy right now.”

“Me too, well, we’re at your house. So I have something for you.” I looked at her stunned. “What?” She leaned in and kissed me, just a little more than a peck but not intense, just pure and sweet. That was our first kiss. “See you tomorrow?”

“Uhhhhh, yeah” I answered, my head was buzzing. I ran up to the door and swung it open. “Hello father dearest”

“Emra? You’re in a great mood! How was Cali’s?”

“Dad, it was awesome”

“Glad you had fun. And kiddo, if there’s uh, anything you want to tell me, you know you can right?”

I felt my face flush. “What do you mean?”

“I just want you to know you can come to me about anything, I love you.”

He must know! How does he know? “Um yeah actually there is.” My dad’s face calmed and he looked at me. “Do you want to sit down? I can make tea or something?”

“Uh let’s sit, tea after.” What was I doing?! I am just on a high after coming back from Cali’s, that doesn’t mean he’ll be okay with it. DON’T SAY IT. “I’m gay.” I felt the words fall out of my mouth, the felt so strange, so foreign. “I’m gay.” I said again with a quiver in my voice. I couldn’t do it anymore. The tears began to pour out. I couldn’t believe I’d said it. My dad rushed over to my side and knelt on the floor next to me. “Okay, I love you and I understand what you are saying. You are valid, you are a whole person, this is you, and I love you, the whole you, every little bit.” I looked at him, my dad, my amazing dad. “Thank you, I love you.”

“I love you.” He hugged me tightly. When he finally pulled away he looked into my eyes and brushed the loose parts of my braid out of my face. “Now do you want some tea?”

“I would LOVE some.” He stood up and paused. “How did you know?” I asked him. “You are my daughter, I can feel these things.” I stared at him. “I saw you sucking face with Cali and I wanted to talk to you about it, but I wanted you to come to me when you were ready, I didn’t want you to feel forced, did I push too much?” His face changed to worry. “No, it was perfect.”

“So now do I finally get to spend time with you and Cali without either her or you disappearing the second I get home?”

“For sure dad.” This was probably the greatest day of my life, before it felt like I was pushing my dad away and now I have two families.

#kinda bad but oh well #cheesey #first story

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