askgothamshitty

[askgothamshitty]

I am not gay but I do find most men gross. I don’t think I am asexual because I do have the desire to engage se sexually with a guy, and I don’t think I am aromantic because I do consider myself a romantic person. However I recently came to the conclusion that I find most men gross. I thought that maybe I was gay but I honestly only see women as friends.

I find most men gross too lol I feel like that’s just a normal acknowledgment since like 90% of dudes are misogynists.

You don’t have to put a label on anything if you don’t want to!

[askgothamshitty]

Is casual sex bad?

No, not at all. There’s no rule that says sex has to be between married people or whatever. Well, there is, but it comes from religion lol so it’s bogus.

IMO the thing that can make it bad is the hookup culture surrounding it in which men’s interests are prioritized over women’s. But that has to do with misogyny and not the “casualness” of the sex, since these problems can still exist in committed relationships.

[askgothamshitty]

Book recommendations on critique of puritan culture or reading recommendations on the idea that casual sex is "bad"

I’ve heard good things about The Purity Myth by Valenti

[askgothamshitty]

I hate when people say

"XY has killed XYZ amount of people , mostly WOMEN and CHILDREN"

as if women and children's lives are property or something

Yes that’s exactly what they mean by that. Some people think it’s a positive sentiment but it’s really just them saying “not only are they killing us but also our things! 😱”

[askgothamshitty]

I'm so frustrated. I can't even escape misogyny (that isn't properly addressed nor rebuked) in YouTube videos 😒. I'm just appalled with the conversation of these men, but I'm even more appalled that none of it were countered.

Basically: This main guy can't think for his own so he follows his incel friends, which is why he slutshames and judges his crush's looks. One of his friends thinks japanese girls are easy (s*xual context). Then, in the last part, two of his friends called his crush ugly, the other girl "old", and none were opposing the other friend for saying how he wants to bed another girl cuz she's drunk. All of this reminded me of the burning sun scandal. I feel bad for Korean women.

 https://youtu.be/JrlFCryhU6U

Damn and he’s got a ton of views and subscribers! Korean women aren’t kidding about nuclear levels of misogyny in their culture. Under my feminist dictatorship these men will be sent to reeducation camps.

[askgothamshitty]

I often hear people say they engage in some types of sexual activities as a way to regain power and control and I’m like ok please explain to me how that works? Because that does not make any sense to me 🫤

Maybe they mean that by engaging in sex “their way” they’re exercising a type of autonomy they were denied. That’s my best guess. And that’s fine but people usually say this when they’re advocating for pretty serious and risky stuff and that’s where I have an issue.

[askgothamshitty]

do you have any feminist book recs about critiquing heterosexuality specifically? also sorry if you get these kinds of questions a lot

btw, if you read any fiction books, do you know any with anticapitalist themes?

It’s no problem :) the essay “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence” by Adrienne Rich is really good, and so is Intercourse by Dworkin.

#book recs

[askgothamshitty]

The “spell pharaoh” girly was right

Prophets are always dismissed at first but soon enough people come around and realize their insight…

[askgothamshitty]

I'm Pro-Palestina liberation but I'm tired and burned out of seeing daily news about bombings, videos of ppl dying/carrying their kids dead bodies, ppl justifying the genocide in social media, and I want to stop watching all those horrible things and take me a break but at the same time, this is a privilege that palestinians doesn't have.

And It doesn't help that there's netizens guilt-tripping ppl that if they doesn't post or speak about palestina 24/7 they are doing nothing. I follow tons of pro-palestina sites, I spread awareness, i'm actively boycotting the brands that the bds movement suggests, i donated my money to pro-palestinian orgs and i've even got to protests! But at the final of the day I'm just a person with a regular job and a regular life and this makes me kinda bad and useless. 🫤

Sorry for my vent... but the good thing about have to boycott McDonalds and Starbucks is that I don't have to spend another coin in it not just for Palestina but because (at least in my country) buying a big mac or a frappuccino IS FUCKING EXPENSIVE 😂

War in the age of social media sure is interesting. I don’t think one has to subject themselves to gore content to be a good ally. That materially does not help anyone.

This boycott has definitely helped me realize how much of a scam Starbucks is 😭 it IS fucking expensive!!

[askgothamshitty]

what did wittig mean when she said a woman can never become a man 😕 like that's kinda ..

French people 🤦🏻‍♀️ perhaps she didn’t know any trans men, or didn’t care enough to reach out to one for his input. Which is a shame because their insight would only strengthen materialist feminism!

[askgothamshitty]

I agree with third point, because why it’s it that people use sex a therapy to treat some type of trauma. Like iv seen people say they engage in bdsm as a way to get over or cope with some type of trauma and I’m like huh?? 🤔

I’m really curious to know what therapists out there are prescribing rape simulation as treatment. That just sounds like a way of re-traumatizing yourself.

[askgothamshitty]

Silly question perhaps but how do I as a women could enjoy sex in a healthy way?

Oooooh okay here are my thoughts:

It always starts with a good sex education. Learn about STI’s and the risks, as well as birth control methods. Take time to understand the pros and cons of each and determine what’s best for you.

Self-exploration also plays a role because it helps you understand what you like and how you like it. Cultural norms and the way sex is depicted in the media often tells women what they should like when that may not actually apply. There’s also a huge general lack of knowledge surrounding female pleasure and orgasms. So put in the effort to discover your body, your erogenous zones, what works, what doesn’t, etc.

Understand what sex is NOT for: self harm, healing your insecurities, getting over grief, getting back at someone, etc. Sex should be about sex and one should not be using it as a substitute for another act.

Learn how to voice what you want and what you don’t. As women we can definitely be very passive and appeasing, sidelining our needs for others, but we must resist that. Know how to say NO even if it “ruins the moment” or whatever. (Of course you should also be with someone who understands communication in the first place).

Determine what your standards are and stick to them. Convince yourself and believe that you are worthy of someone who meets them. Do not settle! Do not go into anything you are less than enthusiastic and willing about!

Gain a good feminist understanding on how sex is “supposed to be” in a patriarchal society: unequal, performative, transactional, alienated. If you know it, you can identify it, and reject it. In its place, cultivate an approach to sex that is centered around feminist values. As John Stolternberg (Dworkin’s widow) put it, good sex is when “mutuality, reciprocity, fairness, deep communion and affection, total body integrity for both partners, and equal capacity for choice-making and decision-making are merged with robust physical pleasure, intense sensation, and brimming-over expressiveness”.

[askgothamshitty]

are you anti religion

In the sense that I think religion should have no place in a society’s institutions, structures, or systems.

[askgothamshitty]

Thoughts on furries? Is it a style of expression/aesthetic?

Yes I definitely think it’s a form of self-expression. I have no qualms with furries.

[askgothamshitty]

Do you have any critiques of "amateur porn" between consenting adults? If so, what are they?

My criticisms of porn revolve around two points - the first being that the billion-dollar industry of porn economically exploits the women involved, traffics them, and abuses them. The second point is that the thematic content of porn promotes the essential logic of patriarchy: that women and other gender oppressed people are objects to be sexually subordinated for male consumption.

When it comes the amateur porn, both of these points can still apply. Regarding the first one: not all “amateur porn” is actually amateur. Due to the genre’s popularity, studios will cater towards it by trying to mimic the look and feel. What may look like two amateurs can actually be the result of good lighting, camerawork, and direction.

When it comes to amateur porn that is not tied to a major studio, it still operates within the mainstream market. It’s uploaded to the same big sites as professional porn and thus makes them money through advertising. Some sites even have a creator program that allows amateurs to monetize their videos. And that again means that the porn isn’t actually amateur.

So amateur porn is not outside the reach of the mainstream industry. The bigwigs still benefit from you watching it, and the profit motive involved can mean abuse and exploitation are still present.

Regarding the second point: simply put, amateur porn can still evoke misogynistic themes.

#sex trade

[askgothamshitty]

White people aren't hated enough /hj

There can never be enough hate against white people that can even come close to the levels behind white supremacy.

[askgothamshitty]

Hello! This is totally random but before you became a feminist, uh let's say you haven't read theory or any literature and you only know about feminism through mainstream media, did you also feel confused with the disparities between men and women when it comes to privilege? I haven't read any feminist theory at all, so maybe I feel this way (I definitely think I have some sort of internalized misogyny): I over-obsess with women's actions towards men and how men perceive them (like if she treats him unkindly, then I fear that he would use that as an excuse when he does something rude back). This society is heavily imbued, covertly, with “m*ns right activists” rhetoric so I unfortunately guilty when I don't sympathize with a man during real life situations where people tend to skewer it as “oh they're both at fault” when there's obviously an imbalanced dynamic present. Also, I tend to fall for those “if the roles were reversed” or “if a man did this” posts too 😖. It's like the situation has to be less complex and just blatantly misogynistic for me not to be lukewarm 🫤. I don't like it!!!! Maybe I just grew up within a really patriarchal society or I feel terrified with what people would think if I took a stance and wouldn't know how to defend it properly. Idk I sincerely want to be pro-women that wouldn't cede feminism for male opinions or in times of a woman committing a crime.

I definitely think it’s easy for most people to be swayed by MRA and anti-feminist rhetoric, especially in the age of social media. Don’t beat yourself up too much - at least you’re aware of what’s going on!

I’m getting the sense that you’re maybe referring to abusive situations and not knowing which side to take. These topics are perfect breeding grounds for misogyny because MRAs have a whole slew of tactics up their sleeve for DARVO-ing the situation.

Once you get a firm grasp on feminism and learn how to think like a feminist, the misogynistic motivations behind that rhetoric will become more obvious to you because you’ll know what the actual realty of man/women relations are.

Is there something specific you want to learn about?