artieredwood

[artieredwood]

You're a wee fool.

I feel really fat.

#abigailmallard

[artieredwood]

Ah'm a slanderous kind'a prick.

artieredwood replied to your post: I pricked my finger…

What d’ya call a prick who pricks his finger? A prick.

That’s uncalled for and slanderous.

#mellarkthebakerson

[artieredwood]

Aw, Ah dunnae. Priesthood always looks pretty appetisin'. You look younger than us now. We can see tha' baby face behind tha' beard, Clary. You're nae hidin' anythin'.

You’re not still doing that celibate shit are you? It’s fucking unnatural, Artie. I am a big lovable sleaze. Would you prefer me to shave? I’d end up looking younger than you or Jameson.

#claryfinn #u gh #precious relationship #gumdrops

[artieredwood]

I thought it wis jist a bowel movement tae be honest.

What in the hell was that?

Did anyone else feel that?

#laureledenthaw

[artieredwood]

'S been fuckin' years since a lovin' touch, pal. Yer a sleaze. Total sleaze. The beard jist makes it worse.

What’s wrong, Arthur? Has it been too long since you felt a loving touch?  I’m not a sleaze, I’m married… which is the same thing really.

#omfg me too #i love their dynamic so much tbh #claryfinn

[artieredwood]

'Cause Ah'm sae fuckin' likeable.

Because you’re so good with babies?

#laureledenthaw

[artieredwood]

Obviously. Goes wi'oot sayin'.

Speakin' ay fallin' back on somethin', how's your love life?

Oh, but of course. You’re the most selfless person I know. You’re going to be the next Gandhi, obviously.

Why not get both? You know, in case Laurel flakes out on giving you her kid, you at least have something to fall back on.

#johomason #i actually can't deal with them

[artieredwood]

Aw, fuck off. Naebody wants tha'. Least of all me. Dunnae fuckin' wink at me, ye sleaze.

Do not tease my beard. It is glorious. You’re just upset because you will never feel it’s roughness tickling your skin.

#s a m e #omfg i forgot all about artie's baby crush on clary #claryfinn

[artieredwood]

Hurtful, Nanc'. Hurtful.

I actually wouldn’t mind wasting you.

#nancydicarlo

[artieredwood]

You obviously havnae met me.

I don’t know. The woods? A pet shop? I think she would love it, especially if it hurt someone.

Whenever you want is fine with me. I dunno, Artie, I don’t think you could beat me and Titus for favorite person~

#i'm not sure if his cockiness is ironic or if he got trapped being ironic years ago and it's turned into genuine cockiness #laureledenthaw

[artieredwood]

Ye hate wastin' tea like ye hate wastin' a beautiful man.

[She narrows her eyes, the kiss surprising her, and suppresses a smile.] Always did, but you never showed up so it got cold. And you know how much I hate wasting tea.

#he actually just talks shit constantly #nancydicarlo

[artieredwood]

Aye, I reckon sae. They're selfish animals. 'Nd you know me. Entirely 'nd resolutely unselfish.

I think Ah'm gaen tae git a hedgehog. Or Laurel's baby. Ah'm pretty sure she's alright wi' givin' it tae me.

I guess it sucks to be whoever ended up eating that stew or sweet and sour chicken then, hmm? Please tell me you’re over that godforsaken cat phase.

#johomason #these are my babies #actual angels #i love them ok

[artieredwood]

Oy. Get tae fuck. I'll start speakin' English the day you buy yourself a chin sae ye dunnae huvtae hide behind that beard.

I was hoping that one day you might start speaking English.

#c l a r y baby #i love them #claryfinn

[artieredwood]

Where the fuck do Ah get a hedgehog? 'Nd Jo will probably kill it. Or she'll love it. She loves pricks.

When should Ah come over tae become yer bairn's new favourite person?

Then go and get one. I hear they’re really nice animals. I dunno, Artie. I think I should see how you are around him before I let you babysit.

#laureledenthaw

[artieredwood]

Jist one. Aw well, that's all right then, isn't it. They'll give you diseases, them cats. Fuckin' mangy. Alley rats like us. 

I may or may not have put one of them into a stew, but it was just one.

#I'VE MISSED YOU TOO OMFG #IM SO EXCITED #[whispers] dream team #johomason

[artieredwood]

Ah'm back now, never you fear. [He kisses her on the cheek and ducks away before she can slap him upside the head for his efforts.] You got a mug ay tea waitin' fer me or what?

No, I’ve just noticed you’ve been absent from tea for A LONG FUCKING WHILE. As you should be.

#do i need to kill you #dO I #what are you going to do to her? #[tenses in fearful anticipation] #nancydicarlo

[artieredwood]

I'd love a hedgehog. You evir need a babysitter, you ken who tae call. 

I vote hedgehog. Oh— a baby? Think you can handle one of those? No… no, stealing one wouldn’t be so easy. But you’re always welcome to come over and visit mine. You can’t have him, though.

#never call him #never let him babysit #you've met him #you know the danger laurel #[hisses] don't do it #laureledenthaw