anon-ndrs

[anon-ndrs]

I wrote this post on November 15, and I didn't know if I should post it at all, wasn't sure it will help anything. Like I said at the start, it's not my voice that should be centered.

But I recently saw a video from a Jewish American man talking about his experiences with Zionist propaganda, and he said something like "I don't know how it is to someone that lives in Israel, but oh my god it would be 10 times worse."

He talked about the way Zionism uses our real tragedies and traumas as decedents of Jews to promote the idea that Israel has to exist. I've touched on it briefly in the original post, but I wanted to add a little more about it.

In that video he also mentioned how in Israel everyone knows someone who was affected by "terrorism". And how that is used to justify each and every war crime the IDF enacts on Palestinians.

I don't talk about it much (we don't really bring it up in the family), but the same is applied to me. My uncle got killed in Jerusalem, back when many would bring bomb vests to buses. He tried to get to work, tried sitting in the back of the bus, as usually they would go to the front. But that day, they went to the back.

So yeah, on the surface, it seems like I should hate the Palestinian Resistance as much as the other Israelis, with how it personally affected my family. I will never know my uncle, my cousin grew up without a dad, my mom lost another brother.

But in recent years, when these kinds of attacks would get more common again, I saw it differently. I saw the ages, the faces, the literal 14, 15, 16 years olds who go and attack the people taking their homes, knowing they will be killed instantly, or die in prison.

And I would think to myself, how unimaginable their pain and anger has to be, for a child to see no other way than that.

Before you call me a fucking terrorist (after I told you how it affected my family, because I feel like people will still ignore that), I want to ask you this: if someone attacks you, or your family, would you sit by and watch, or fight back? What if it wasn't just your family, it was everyone you know, your city, your country.

When the war started, I was so scared for my family. They were in real danger, as they live very close to one of the borders with countries that don't have a peace treaty with Israel, meaning they can attack at any point.

(Which, by the way, the reason we moved there is that taxes in those areas are lowered. The more dangerous, the more tax reduction. At least that's how it was back then, I don't know if they changed that.)

And in many arguments, my mom would ask me "if they killed us, would you still be on the Palestinian side?"

I want to believe I would. Because in those few weeks, I prepared myself mentally for that possibility. For my parents to die. My house be destroyed. And I told myself to look at the grand picture, that while my family doesn't deserve to die, I will not hate the Palestinians for fighting back against genocide. Against the monstrous evil that is Zionism and Israel. My family may die, my house may be gone, but it doesn't matter in the end. I won't ask for revenge. My heart will be broken, but I'll understand that the real enemy is Israel.

If my family did die, Israel wouldn't care, just like they don't care about the hostages. They would've used my tragedy to commit more and more war crimes, spill more and more blood.

My family didn't die, and as things look right now, thank god, they're safe.

My point with this addition, is to show you Israelis that read this that I'm just like you, in deep personally and emotionally just like every other one of you. And because of that, you have no excuse not to try and dismantle that Zionist cesspit in your heart.

Be empathetic. Try to think, what would I do if that was me, if that was my family. Don't say "better them than me", because no one has to suffer. They shouldn't have to be brutally killed for you to be safe, that's what Israel wants you to think, and that is wrong. That is wrong.

Palestine will be free. As all colonialism has, it will fall. You can choose to be dragged down with it, to clutch at your "safe" and your comfortable ignorance, or you can get out. Learn. Find that the world is not this grim place where safety can only be bought with blood of thousands. A world where you can see beauty in more places than just your own little bubble.

It's hard. I wouldn't lie and say it was easy for me to understand all of this, even with the head start I got from my parents, but it was worth it. I am a better person now, I understand the world better.

And you can be that too.

I'm not talking to those of you that won't listen to what I say. You chose ignorance, you chose racism, you chose to be evil. And I can't change you if you think you don't need changing.

If you're an Israeli leftist, or just a general centrist, I implore you, if you need a sign to start doing the work to unlearn and relearn, this is it. If you feel guilt, like you're letting down your ancestors, your grandparents, let me tell you this, they didn't ask for this war to be in their name.

A perspective on growing up in Israel, and the reality of propaganda

This post is meant to explain to outsiders of the current genocide what goes on in the mind of Israeli citizens. My voice shouldn't be more important than Palestinian voices right now. But I wanted to help, and I believe there's something to be learned from my insight on the situation, for people who are unfamiliar with it.

Please, if you don't already, seek Palestinian accounts on current events. They are, first and foremost, the most important accounts to listen to.

If you don't know already, you'll understand why Israeli Zionist accounts and official Israeli statements aren't reliable.

I'd also like to add that you should take my own point of view with a grain of salt, as I'm myself still learning and unlearning what I've been taught. And I don't want to delude myself into thinking I haven't been ingrained with extremely racist biases from my environment.

I'll give a short explanation on my background because it's important for understanding my point of view of Israel in general. My parents arrived to Israel after the fall of the Communist dictatorship in their country. They chose Israel because they knew of the laws about Jews and their decedents receiving financial aid from the government. They themselves are Christian, and have strong belief in their religion.

In short, they came to Israel for money, a better job, a better life for their children. And because of that, they weren't interested in the Zionist dream of a Jewish ethno-state. That made them teach me a different version of what Israel is. And so, from a very young age, I didn't believe fully in what I was taught. That led to several memories of mine, that looking back at, are horrifying.

One very strong memory is from age 10, 4th year. The teacher of our "Tradition" class didn't arrive on that day, and instead a substitute teacher filled in. She decided to have a debate in class. A debate on the Israeli-Palestinian "conflict".

I say Palestinian, but in reality she said "Arab". When I was young, they wouldn't talk about Palestinians. They talked about Arabs.

Back then I preferred to read in class rather than participate, so for the first half, I was quiet. I heard bits and pieces of what the kids said, and it all boiled down to a similar final verdict:

"We don't want to kill the Arabs, we just want them out of our country."

I put my book down eventually. I remember that statement felt wrong, but back then I couldn't place why. I started arguing with them, "you say you want them to leave like that's easy for them. Do you know how hard it is to leave your home, everything you ever knew, behind?" I thought about my parents. How hard it was for them to move, how they were, and still are, ridiculed for having an accent, for being so obviously different. I obviously didn't know much if anything about the harsh reality. But even as a 10-year-old, I understood you can't just banish an entire ethnicity like that.

The other kids, my classmates? They argued back with me. Not a single one was on my side. All of them saw their point of "making the Arabs go away" correct and reasonable.

And I think this memory reveals a lot about the way Israeli children are grown.

What kind of parents did they have, to make them so emotionally detached from who they deem "other"?

As a kid, I preferred not telling others I wasn't Jewish. I knew it would just give them another thing to bully me with. But my little sister, who went with me to the same school at the time, was more outspoken than me. She challenged the school principal when she said all the kids in our school are Jewish. And she got her results, of kids making fun of her on Christmas and tearing her drawings of santa apart.

Regardless of that, all the bad things that happened to us, we were one of the lucky ones. Those incidents are nothing compared to what others go through.

Because me and my family? We're not outwardly "other". We are not Arab. And even with all the laws against non-Jewish people in Israel, we don't experience the same treatment Palestinians and Arabs do.

Because those laws aren't meant for us. They are meant to oppress the Palestinians. And my family is living proof this was never about religion.

Religion is just another tool to set the boundaries between "us" and "them". It is by chance me and my family fall between it.

I went to the honorary class of my middle school, made for children with exceptional grades. Supposedly, we were the smartest kids. I found a lot of like-minded people there. Since then, I decided to not go to the army, and to live abroad the moment I could. I had no connection to Israel, I didn't feel Israeli. I owed the country nothing in my books.

My friends mostly agreed, and had similar notions. But they didn't have the disconnect I had with Israel.

In every ceremony, we would finish it by singing the national anthem. I wouldn't really sing, but I mouthed along to the words. I felt like I would get in trouble otherwise.

My friends looked at me weirdly one time, and after it ended asked me "why do you sing when there's a line about Israel belonging to the Jews?"

I said I don't know. But I knew it was part of the "show". Sing the anthem, don't ask provocative questions, don't mention you're not Jewish to everyone. Don't say what you really think.

Towards the end of my middle school, I was bombarded with military flyers in the mail. Soldiers would come specially to the honorary classes to promote special units, show how cool they are.

I would hear this sentence over and over throughout my entire school years, that going to those units meant "you would have a significant service in the IDF".

Me and my friends would make fun of that. But some would later on find their way there.

I went to a different high school then the rest of them, and lost touch. It was in a kibbutz, which is a sort of village, that used to be a communist community of sorts. Those villages are known for being either dirt poor or extremely rich, often closed communities with strong patriotic sense. There you would find the rare third generation Israelis, people whose grandparents were born in Israel.

The majority of Israelis I've met are second generation, meaning their parents were the first to be born in Israelis. Many are like me, first generation, the first of their families.

In that high school, the pressure of military service was getting stronger on me. For the average Israeli teen, at 16 we would get a letter from the military. An invitation to get tested, sorted and eventually placed in a unit. The whole process is in theory efficient, but I lived far from the capital, so our area was worse.

When I got the letter, I knew I was starting a race with the IDF. I really didn't want to go to the military, so I had to find a reason, anything to get me out.

Luckily, I was depressed enough to get a release. Apparently, the IDF doesn't like taking suicidal people. It looks bad when they kill themselves while in service. I hear now they've changed that, because too many teens were faking mental illness and not going to service. 50% of Israeli teens don't go to the army, for a verity of reasons.

While that was going on, we had discussions about this in school. I would always state I don't want to go to be a soldier, and I would ask others "why?".

They would say, "to protect my country." I'd tell them the country didn't do them anything, that a country isn't something you give your life to. I didn't understand the connection they had, but I understood Israel isn't worth it.

In response to me questioning the army, they would say, "you're Christian, you wouldn't understand."

I will hear this sentence again and again whenever I would question Israel. I'm not Jewish, so I wouldn't understand. I'm different, so I can't understand what Israel and the "conflict" is. It was the ultimate excuse to not listen to me.

One day, my homeroom teacher was talking about a law. The nationality core law, a law driving the boundary of "us" and "them" further. A law that, among others, makes Arabic not an official language in Israel, and allows closed communities, like a kibbutz, to refuse housing for non Jews.

That's right, it is legal to be racist towards families who wish to live in certain communities. There are places me and many others can't live in. And it's by design.

That was in 2018. I don't want to mention my age, since I mentioned too much already, but I'm not that old. These are not things of the past. My schoolmates are still soldiers. If me and my sister didn't find a way out of the army, we would've been in the war right now.

When I was 17, another "operation" began. Operation is what the Israeli government calls when a small scale war happens. It was the first in 7 years, since 2014.

I was too young to understand the full horrifying details of what happened in 2014. But at 17, I had full access to the internet. And I found the truth. The actual history, not what I was taught. More than what I father would mention sometimes.

I found out what Apartheid truly means. And that Israel fits in perfectly within that.

I stayed up awake all night, thinking "whose land am I sleeping on?' and "who's dying so I can be at peace right now?"

I tried finding out. All I could find is that some rich Zionist bought my city 100 years back. What was here before was erased.

There's a notion within Israeli citizens that before Israel there was nothing. A desert. Palestine and the remnants of it are forgotten, or actively erased. It is one of many ways to make Palestine seem like a pipe dream at best, a fanatic delusion at worst. In history classes, there's a gap. We are taught about WW2, about the Holocaust. Before that, about Jewish history. But between those? 1000 or so years that are left unmentioned, and what is boils down to "we fought the Turks and Brits for Palestine and we won."

I talked with my dad about all this, about what horrible country we live in, and he said he was proud I wasn't brainwashed like the rest.

He also said if we ever talked like this in public, we would be beaten up. And I sadly have to say that's not far-fetched at all.

Being called a leftist in Israel is as good as a curse. A leftist is a traitor, a leftist is a terrorist supporter. My sisters would call me radical, an extremist, said I was like since I was a kid. They said that with no malice, and I take pride in that, but I'm no extremist. Outside of Israel, I would be called normal.

It's just that this country lives in a bubble. Somehow, we are both the victim and the strongest army in the world. Somehow, we must all join the army at 18, but when 3 soldiers younger than me disappear all it leads to is war crimes after war crimes, their bodies never recovered. Because They wanted Israel to release prisoners, and that's too high a price. Looking at it from an outsider's view, it doesn't make sense. Why would they still follow this? Why would anyone believe this?

This is why I needed to talk about the context. Israeli citizens are raised to be racist, to be hateful of the "other", in the name of preserving Judaism.

And if anyone reads all this and thinks "well, they're just antisemitic, why would I listen to someone like this.". My great-grandfather almost got murdered by Nazis. My grandfather fought them, and it left him traumatized for life. My mother got traumatized in return, and she passed it on to me. I am not against Israel because I hate Jews. I considered converting for a while, I know more about Judaism than the religion I was supposedly born into. I have deep appreciation for the kindness many teachings promote.

But that kindness isn't present in Zionism. "ואהבת רעייך כמוך", "love thy neighbor as you love yourself", can't exist alongside Zionism. There's a certain cruelty, an unempathy that must be present in order to be Zionist. And That goes against what I learned of Judesim.

After I finished high school, I kept reading on the subject of Israel's ongoing genocide of Palestinians. I taught my little sister what they lied about. I talked with people online about it, and explained what they should listen to. Because as the first Israeli they've met, I felt an opportunity to lead them to the right direction, before they sink in the same lies I was pushed towards as an Israeli citizen.

I met my friends, both Arab Muslims, and one by one we breached the topic of Israel. Turns out they've met 2 Israelis before, and got into fights. They agreed to not talk about politics after that, but one of them told me they didn't want to be close to them. I obviously can't blame them.

They were happy I wasn't supporting Zionism or Israel. And we talked a lot about politics and the situation. One of them is from a country bordering Israel. And from him, I got an insight on what they think over there.

And we were great friends. I had a fallout with one of them, but the other is my best friend. The so-called "other" turned out to be one of the best people I've ever met, someone that understood me more than most. And this part isn't for the outsider, this is for Israelis-the "other side" is much more like you than they'd like you to believe.

For outsiders, the reason I took a minute to talk about this is the general feeling of separation in Israel between Arabs (specifically Muslim and Christian) and Israeli citizens. Some people (many, this isn't a tiny minority) believe I, as a non-Muslim non-Arab, shouldn't have friends of "the other side". And they would blame my friends for "brainwashing" me.

Too bad, I was already a brainwashed traitor before I knew they even existed.

I am showing you, Israelis, that the separation we live in is actively making things worse. Who is the separation good for? The Zionists, the government, anyone who has an interest in keeping Israel alive and killing Palestine. And that might align with your needs and wants, to keep the status quo, to keep your well paying job and your children "safe". But tell me, how much blood are you willing to have on your hands? How many lies are you willing to let out of your mouth? How many kids need to die for you to be comfortable?

I find any number beside 0 repulsive. I rather have everything change then see the number of children, women, man and elderly dead go up by the thousands.

And there are those who will say "but Hamas kills too! But if Israel doesn't exist the Jews won't exist! but but but-"

First of all, you're comparing what you call a terrorist organization (and I personally don't like calling it that, because it comes from a very Zionist point of view) to what is supposed to be "the most moral army in the world". And I'd call the IDF a terrorist organization, if you look at their actions.

And in this current war, and yes, Israel does recognize this time it's a war, which I haven't seen since 2006, more Palestinians have died than Israelis. Much, much more. So if we compare with an objective eye the two, Israel is the bigger evil, no?

And yet they say Hamas was more cruel, killing babies in front of their parents, burning people alive, using the cries of 10 months olds to attract more victims (that particular story by the way, ends with "our brave soldiers" killing the awful "terrorists" and saving the babies. And when I heard it, it sounded as fake and propagandist as it probably sounds to you). And they say, "Israel at least just bombs them. They die quickly, and no soldier goes in and takes pleasure in the killings. They are necessary. There is no other way."

All the talking points come from real arguments I had with my mom. My mom isn't as well versed in politics as my dad, so when she hears these wild stories about pain and hate, she believes them and starts hating whoever did it. Because my mom declares times and times again that she is on the side of love, and any war is bad and she hates it. When I buy a book with a skull on it, she tells me to rip the cover off, and when I play a violent game she doesn't like it. But when asked about the war, she says, "I don't see another way than this".

And I argue and argue, and my sister and dad take my side on some points, but in the end she says "you're not here, you still don't understand".

She convinced herself I believe in lies. She tried to bring up my friends, saying she doesn't know what they told me, and I tell her to not dare to use that against me.

My mom knows, in general, that what Israel does is bad, towards non Jews and Arabs. But in this war, she sides with the murderers. Because her emotions were used against her.

And this might be you, or your friends, or even your parents as well. And I'm here to tell you, that sometimes you have to be alone in your belief. Sometimes being right goes against those around you.

And to the Israelis that read, this is the least you owe all these Palestinians, dead and living, whose lives our so-called army compromises so we can have a safe childhood, so that our sisters can go to school and not look at the sky worrying about missiles, so that our parents can provide use with food, so that our grandparents can live to see grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. So that we can be here, in this place of great, immense privilege, discussing this on the internet, in the comfort of our home. Recognizing the facts as they are, and fighting the lies you've been told, is truly the least you could do. If you want to be a better person, of course. You can stay ignorant, but know you're complacent in a genocide, the murder of so many innocents.

And I know I myself am not doing enough. But I'm hoping by doing this, sharing my perspective, more of those on the fence will hop on the right side. Because if I, someone who was born and raised in Israel for 19 years, and has family there that yes, for a while I was worried about their safety and were in actual danger, can look at the other side, listen to the voices of the people living through it, and understanding that Israel existing is wrong?

Then you, outsider, or Israeli like myself, can do it too. You don't have an excuse.

And a message in Hebrew, for those who are fluent

אני יודע שכל זה נשמע מתנשא, שאני מגיע ממקום שך פריוילגיה בזה שאני לא יהודי ואני אומר "ישראל לא צריכה להיות קיימת". אבל כמו שאמרתי, המשפחה שלי חוותה אנטישמיות בצורה שפוגעת בי עד היום, ואני יודע שכל החיים שלי, בתור מישהו שנולד ישראלי, יחשבו שאני יהודי. ותאמינו לי, אנטישמים לא יבואו ויבדקו אם אני יהודי או לא אחריי שהם ישמעו את המבטא הישראלי שלי.

אני אומר, שאין צורך בלהתחשבן על חיים בצורה שישראל מתחשבנת. עם אחד לא צריך לסבול בשביל שעם אחר יחייה בשלום.

יש דרך אחרת. תמיד יש דרך אחרת. ואתם חייבים לראות את זה בעצמכם, ואני רוצה להאמין, בתור מישהו שלפעמים תמים מדיי, שאתם תבחרו בדרך אחרת.

ואם אתם פה רק בשביל לקקל אותי, אתם מוזמנים. אני לא הולך לענות לכם.

I hope this is something that helps, if it isn't, you're welcome to criticize this. I've learned long ago that criticism is a great way to grow.

#israel #ישראל #ישראבלר #palestine #free palestine #free gaza #israel is an apartheid state #long post

[anon-ndrs]

A perspective on growing up in Israel, and the reality of propaganda

This post is meant to explain to outsiders of the current genocide what goes on in the mind of Israeli citizens. My voice shouldn't be more important than Palestinian voices right now. But I wanted to help, and I believe there's something to be learned from my insight on the situation, for people who are unfamiliar with it.

Please, if you don't already, seek Palestinian accounts on current events. They are, first and foremost, the most important accounts to listen to.

If you don't know already, you'll understand why Israeli Zionist accounts and official Israeli statements aren't reliable.

I'd also like to add that you should take my own point of view with a grain of salt, as I'm myself still learning and unlearning what I've been taught. And I don't want to delude myself into thinking I haven't been ingrained with extremely racist biases from my environment.

I'll give a short explanation on my background because it's important for understanding my point of view of Israel in general. My parents arrived to Israel after the fall of the Communist dictatorship in their country. They chose Israel because they knew of the laws about Jews and their decedents receiving financial aid from the government. They themselves are Christian, and have strong belief in their religion.

In short, they came to Israel for money, a better job, a better life for their children. And because of that, they weren't interested in the Zionist dream of a Jewish ethno-state. That made them teach me a different version of what Israel is. And so, from a very young age, I didn't believe fully in what I was taught. That led to several memories of mine, that looking back at, are horrifying.

One very strong memory is from age 10, 4th year. The teacher of our "Tradition" class didn't arrive on that day, and instead a substitute teacher filled in. She decided to have a debate in class. A debate on the Israeli-Palestinian "conflict".

I say Palestinian, but in reality she said "Arab". When I was young, they wouldn't talk about Palestinians. They talked about Arabs.

Back then I preferred to read in class rather than participate, so for the first half, I was quiet. I heard bits and pieces of what the kids said, and it all boiled down to a similar final verdict:

"We don't want to kill the Arabs, we just want them out of our country."

I put my book down eventually. I remember that statement felt wrong, but back then I couldn't place why. I started arguing with them, "you say you want them to leave like that's easy for them. Do you know how hard it is to leave your home, everything you ever knew, behind?" I thought about my parents. How hard it was for them to move, how they were, and still are, ridiculed for having an accent, for being so obviously different. I obviously didn't know much if anything about the harsh reality. But even as a 10-year-old, I understood you can't just banish an entire ethnicity like that.

The other kids, my classmates? They argued back with me. Not a single one was on my side. All of them saw their point of "making the Arabs go away" correct and reasonable.

And I think this memory reveals a lot about the way Israeli children are grown.

What kind of parents did they have, to make them so emotionally detached from who they deem "other"?

As a kid, I preferred not telling others I wasn't Jewish. I knew it would just give them another thing to bully me with. But my little sister, who went with me to the same school at the time, was more outspoken than me. She challenged the school principal when she said all the kids in our school are Jewish. And she got her results, of kids making fun of her on Christmas and tearing her drawings of santa apart.

Regardless of that, all the bad things that happened to us, we were one of the lucky ones. Those incidents are nothing compared to what others go through.

Because me and my family? We're not outwardly "other". We are not Arab. And even with all the laws against non-Jewish people in Israel, we don't experience the same treatment Palestinians and Arabs do.

Because those laws aren't meant for us. They are meant to oppress the Palestinians. And my family is living proof this was never about religion.

Religion is just another tool to set the boundaries between "us" and "them". It is by chance me and my family fall between it.

I went to the honorary class of my middle school, made for children with exceptional grades. Supposedly, we were the smartest kids. I found a lot of like-minded people there. Since then, I decided to not go to the army, and to live abroad the moment I could. I had no connection to Israel, I didn't feel Israeli. I owed the country nothing in my books.

My friends mostly agreed, and had similar notions. But they didn't have the disconnect I had with Israel.

In every ceremony, we would finish it by singing the national anthem. I wouldn't really sing, but I mouthed along to the words. I felt like I would get in trouble otherwise.

My friends looked at me weirdly one time, and after it ended asked me "why do you sing when there's a line about Israel belonging to the Jews?"

I said I don't know. But I knew it was part of the "show". Sing the anthem, don't ask provocative questions, don't mention you're not Jewish to everyone. Don't say what you really think.

Towards the end of my middle school, I was bombarded with military flyers in the mail. Soldiers would come specially to the honorary classes to promote special units, show how cool they are.

I would hear this sentence over and over throughout my entire school years, that going to those units meant "you would have a significant service in the IDF".

Me and my friends would make fun of that. But some would later on find their way there.

I went to a different high school then the rest of them, and lost touch. It was in a kibbutz, which is a sort of village, that used to be a communist community of sorts. Those villages are known for being either dirt poor or extremely rich, often closed communities with strong patriotic sense. There you would find the rare third generation Israelis, people whose grandparents were born in Israel.

The majority of Israelis I've met are second generation, meaning their parents were the first to be born in Israelis. Many are like me, first generation, the first of their families.

In that high school, the pressure of military service was getting stronger on me. For the average Israeli teen, at 16 we would get a letter from the military. An invitation to get tested, sorted and eventually placed in a unit. The whole process is in theory efficient, but I lived far from the capital, so our area was worse.

When I got the letter, I knew I was starting a race with the IDF. I really didn't want to go to the military, so I had to find a reason, anything to get me out.

Luckily, I was depressed enough to get a release. Apparently, the IDF doesn't like taking suicidal people. It looks bad when they kill themselves while in service. I hear now they've changed that, because too many teens were faking mental illness and not going to service. 50% of Israeli teens don't go to the army, for a verity of reasons.

While that was going on, we had discussions about this in school. I would always state I don't want to go to be a soldier, and I would ask others "why?".

They would say, "to protect my country." I'd tell them the country didn't do them anything, that a country isn't something you give your life to. I didn't understand the connection they had, but I understood Israel isn't worth it.

In response to me questioning the army, they would say, "you're Christian, you wouldn't understand."

I will hear this sentence again and again whenever I would question Israel. I'm not Jewish, so I wouldn't understand. I'm different, so I can't understand what Israel and the "conflict" is. It was the ultimate excuse to not listen to me.

One day, my homeroom teacher was talking about a law. The nationality core law, a law driving the boundary of "us" and "them" further. A law that, among others, makes Arabic not an official language in Israel, and allows closed communities, like a kibbutz, to refuse housing for non Jews.

That's right, it is legal to be racist towards families who wish to live in certain communities. There are places me and many others can't live in. And it's by design.

That was in 2018. I don't want to mention my age, since I mentioned too much already, but I'm not that old. These are not things of the past. My schoolmates are still soldiers. If me and my sister didn't find a way out of the army, we would've been in the war right now.

When I was 17, another "operation" began. Operation is what the Israeli government calls when a small scale war happens. It was the first in 7 years, since 2014.

I was too young to understand the full horrifying details of what happened in 2014. But at 17, I had full access to the internet. And I found the truth. The actual history, not what I was taught. More than what I father would mention sometimes.

I found out what Apartheid truly means. And that Israel fits in perfectly within that.

I stayed up awake all night, thinking "whose land am I sleeping on?' and "who's dying so I can be at peace right now?"

I tried finding out. All I could find is that some rich Zionist bought my city 100 years back. What was here before was erased.

There's a notion within Israeli citizens that before Israel there was nothing. A desert. Palestine and the remnants of it are forgotten, or actively erased. It is one of many ways to make Palestine seem like a pipe dream at best, a fanatic delusion at worst. In history classes, there's a gap. We are taught about WW2, about the Holocaust. Before that, about Jewish history. But between those? 1000 or so years that are left unmentioned, and what is boils down to "we fought the Turks and Brits for Palestine and we won."

I talked with my dad about all this, about what horrible country we live in, and he said he was proud I wasn't brainwashed like the rest.

He also said if we ever talked like this in public, we would be beaten up. And I sadly have to say that's not far-fetched at all.

Being called a leftist in Israel is as good as a curse. A leftist is a traitor, a leftist is a terrorist supporter. My sisters would call me radical, an extremist, said I was like since I was a kid. They said that with no malice, and I take pride in that, but I'm no extremist. Outside of Israel, I would be called normal.

It's just that this country lives in a bubble. Somehow, we are both the victim and the strongest army in the world. Somehow, we must all join the army at 18, but when 3 soldiers younger than me disappear all it leads to is war crimes after war crimes, their bodies never recovered. Because They wanted Israel to release prisoners, and that's too high a price. Looking at it from an outsider's view, it doesn't make sense. Why would they still follow this? Why would anyone believe this?

This is why I needed to talk about the context. Israeli citizens are raised to be racist, to be hateful of the "other", in the name of preserving Judaism.

And if anyone reads all this and thinks "well, they're just antisemitic, why would I listen to someone like this.". My great-grandfather almost got murdered by Nazis. My grandfather fought them, and it left him traumatized for life. My mother got traumatized in return, and she passed it on to me. I am not against Israel because I hate Jews. I considered converting for a while, I know more about Judaism than the religion I was supposedly born into. I have deep appreciation for the kindness many teachings promote.

But that kindness isn't present in Zionism. "ואהבת רעייך כמוך", "love thy neighbor as you love yourself", can't exist alongside Zionism. There's a certain cruelty, an unempathy that must be present in order to be Zionist. And That goes against what I learned of Judesim.

After I finished high school, I kept reading on the subject of Israel's ongoing genocide of Palestinians. I taught my little sister what they lied about. I talked with people online about it, and explained what they should listen to. Because as the first Israeli they've met, I felt an opportunity to lead them to the right direction, before they sink in the same lies I was pushed towards as an Israeli citizen.

I met my friends, both Arab Muslims, and one by one we breached the topic of Israel. Turns out they've met 2 Israelis before, and got into fights. They agreed to not talk about politics after that, but one of them told me they didn't want to be close to them. I obviously can't blame them.

They were happy I wasn't supporting Zionism or Israel. And we talked a lot about politics and the situation. One of them is from a country bordering Israel. And from him, I got an insight on what they think over there.

And we were great friends. I had a fallout with one of them, but the other is my best friend. The so-called "other" turned out to be one of the best people I've ever met, someone that understood me more than most. And this part isn't for the outsider, this is for Israelis-the "other side" is much more like you than they'd like you to believe.

For outsiders, the reason I took a minute to talk about this is the general feeling of separation in Israel between Arabs (specifically Muslim and Christian) and Israeli citizens. Some people (many, this isn't a tiny minority) believe I, as a non-Muslim non-Arab, shouldn't have friends of "the other side". And they would blame my friends for "brainwashing" me.

Too bad, I was already a brainwashed traitor before I knew they even existed.

I am showing you, Israelis, that the separation we live in is actively making things worse. Who is the separation good for? The Zionists, the government, anyone who has an interest in keeping Israel alive and killing Palestine. And that might align with your needs and wants, to keep the status quo, to keep your well paying job and your children "safe". But tell me, how much blood are you willing to have on your hands? How many lies are you willing to let out of your mouth? How many kids need to die for you to be comfortable?

I find any number beside 0 repulsive. I rather have everything change then see the number of children, women, man and elderly dead go up by the thousands.

And there are those who will say "but Hamas kills too! But if Israel doesn't exist the Jews won't exist! but but but-"

First of all, you're comparing what you call a terrorist organization (and I personally don't like calling it that, because it comes from a very Zionist point of view) to what is supposed to be "the most moral army in the world". And I'd call the IDF a terrorist organization, if you look at their actions.

And in this current war, and yes, Israel does recognize this time it's a war, which I haven't seen since 2006, more Palestinians have died than Israelis. Much, much more. So if we compare with an objective eye the two, Israel is the bigger evil, no?

And yet they say Hamas was more cruel, killing babies in front of their parents, burning people alive, using the cries of 10 months olds to attract more victims (that particular story by the way, ends with "our brave soldiers" killing the awful "terrorists" and saving the babies. And when I heard it, it sounded as fake and propagandist as it probably sounds to you). And they say, "Israel at least just bombs them. They die quickly, and no soldier goes in and takes pleasure in the killings. They are necessary. There is no other way."

All the talking points come from real arguments I had with my mom. My mom isn't as well versed in politics as my dad, so when she hears these wild stories about pain and hate, she believes them and starts hating whoever did it. Because my mom declares times and times again that she is on the side of love, and any war is bad and she hates it. When I buy a book with a skull on it, she tells me to rip the cover off, and when I play a violent game she doesn't like it. But when asked about the war, she says, "I don't see another way than this".

And I argue and argue, and my sister and dad take my side on some points, but in the end she says "you're not here, you still don't understand".

She convinced herself I believe in lies. She tried to bring up my friends, saying she doesn't know what they told me, and I tell her to not dare to use that against me.

My mom knows, in general, that what Israel does is bad, towards non Jews and Arabs. But in this war, she sides with the murderers. Because her emotions were used against her.

And this might be you, or your friends, or even your parents as well. And I'm here to tell you, that sometimes you have to be alone in your belief. Sometimes being right goes against those around you.

And to the Israelis that read, this is the least you owe all these Palestinians, dead and living, whose lives our so-called army compromises so we can have a safe childhood, so that our sisters can go to school and not look at the sky worrying about missiles, so that our parents can provide use with food, so that our grandparents can live to see grandchildren and even great-grandchildren. So that we can be here, in this place of great, immense privilege, discussing this on the internet, in the comfort of our home. Recognizing the facts as they are, and fighting the lies you've been told, is truly the least you could do. If you want to be a better person, of course. You can stay ignorant, but know you're complacent in a genocide, the murder of so many innocents.

And I know I myself am not doing enough. But I'm hoping by doing this, sharing my perspective, more of those on the fence will hop on the right side. Because if I, someone who was born and raised in Israel for 19 years, and has family there that yes, for a while I was worried about their safety and were in actual danger, can look at the other side, listen to the voices of the people living through it, and understanding that Israel existing is wrong?

Then you, outsider, or Israeli like myself, can do it too. You don't have an excuse.

And a message in Hebrew, for those who are fluent

אני יודע שכל זה נשמע מתנשא, שאני מגיע ממקום שך פריוילגיה בזה שאני לא יהודי ואני אומר "ישראל לא צריכה להיות קיימת". אבל כמו שאמרתי, המשפחה שלי חוותה אנטישמיות בצורה שפוגעת בי עד היום, ואני יודע שכל החיים שלי, בתור מישהו שנולד ישראלי, יחשבו שאני יהודי. ותאמינו לי, אנטישמים לא יבואו ויבדקו אם אני יהודי או לא אחריי שהם ישמעו את המבטא הישראלי שלי.

אני אומר, שאין צורך בלהתחשבן על חיים בצורה שישראל מתחשבנת. עם אחד לא צריך לסבול בשביל שעם אחר יחייה בשלום.

יש דרך אחרת. תמיד יש דרך אחרת. ואתם חייבים לראות את זה בעצמכם, ואני רוצה להאמין, בתור מישהו שלפעמים תמים מדיי, שאתם תבחרו בדרך אחרת.

ואם אתם פה רק בשביל לקקל אותי, אתם מוזמנים. אני לא הולך לענות לכם.

I hope this is something that helps, if it isn't, you're welcome to criticize this. I've learned long ago that criticism is a great way to grow.