angstyaardvark

[angstyaardvark]

stuck in a thought loop

fulfilling a self sabotage prophecy against my will

i just want to curl in a ball and cry

but here we are

at work

#she's not going to leave me #she's not going to hold this against me #but what if she does #what if this is the last straw #what is she's over this #over me #and my stupid ass thoughts and past

[angstyaardvark]

some of yall need to hear kyle maclachlan yippee today

[angstyaardvark]

i am mentally ill

#how would i even bring these thoughts up to her without her feeling bad or looking at me like im insane or her hating me or

[angstyaardvark]

I've been assigning them modern styles

[angstyaardvark]

stalking her tumblr and the stalking someone else's and the stalking another. creating stupid crazy theories in my mind like a lunatic. she is not in a secret relationship with someone else. she loves me. even tho there's that fucking pin

i can't imagine shouldn't spiral like this

#i feel so fucking stupid

[angstyaardvark]

lololololililololololoololilil

#losing my mind

[angstyaardvark]

my gfs friend blocked me on snapchat.

we've met maybe twice

didn't even add me back just blocked right away

#i'm not sure why #idk what i did? #i'm worried it means something more #like does this friend like my gf? #has there been something going on between them this whole time? #i get so in my head #i'm kinda spiraling tbh

[angstyaardvark]

i need a bullet to my brain

#thought looping #it's okay #we can work through this #had a long weekend #it was stressful #she loves me! #i'm so thankful she loves me! #there is nothing else going on #she's not in love with her friends #she's in love with me! #she's not seeing anyone at school #there is no plot against you #or our relationship #it's okay !!

[angstyaardvark]

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me

she loves me!!!

#she doesn't need to know every scared and insecure thought you have #that will push her away #she loves you #she doesn't need to tell you everyone she texts #it's not weird that she hasn't mentioned it #you're crazy for expecting it

[angstyaardvark]

cant tell if my mood is just my period pms or if i'm actually getting worse

#i guess we shall wait a week and see

[angstyaardvark]

i am too mentally i'll to have a girlfriend

#all i do is cause hurt! #day in and day out! #there's always gotta be a problem with me #i don't know what's wrong with me

[angstyaardvark]

i hate that i am like this! truly!

#the insecure thoughts fueled by past trauma go crazy #i feel bad telling her about these things #because i know they're irrational #but it feels like it could be real #like i know it's not #but it feels like it #she doesn't deserve to deal with this

[angstyaardvark]

i am crazy cookoo banana pants

#she cares about me #she loves me #she is not in love with her friends #she wants to be with you #i need to keep reminding myself #you do not have to inquire about what she was talking about #that's stupid #and controlling #you need therapy #she is not hiding anything from me #she loves you #she would never keep anything from you #if you ask she would tell you #but you don't need to ask #because that's crazy #you're crazy #fuck

[angstyaardvark]

goin to going to rip off boob

[angstyaardvark]

[angstyaardvark]

ngl i really wanna see them being silly again

[angstyaardvark]

i don't know why i post here.

just talking into the void

#it's calming in a way.