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andieloves · 7 years

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Falling in love with an older man is not a sin, and it’s not wrong either. Do you know why? because there’s something about their maturity, because they have their shits together. They’d rather live their life to the fullest, because you can’t control anything in your life, so might as well live it happily.

I fell in love with you, with the way you talk to me, other people who are older than me thinks i’m immature, sees me as a teenager that doesn’t know anything in the world, has no problems. But you didn’t. you treat me as an equal, as someone who can understand problems, because i have them too.

But i also love your childishness, we can talk about anything, like my Favorite book, which you haven’t read, because you already seen the movie, and you don’t like that. you’d rather read the book before seeing the movie, so you can let your imagination run wild.

I love the way you’d look at me, i love your laugh, and i love the way you kiss me, so tender, so sweet.

But i’m scared to tell you that I love you, because i’m scared you’d leave, because they all did. but i hope you’re not like them, not like him.

and I miss you every time we part, because it feels like a lifetime when we’re apart, and the only thing that keeps me going everyday, is the message you’d send me everyday, even though i’d keep pestering you with questions.

I Love You ML, i’d still love you even after you leave me.

#personal #love

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andieloves · 7 years

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This is For The Guy That I Love but Loves Someone Else.

I fell in love with the the moment i saw you at that event for your Finals examination. i was a freshman in college, you’re a sophomore, just a year older, but felt like an eternity. You showed the world that you can be responsible but also laid-back, you had the right amount of bad boy in a person that it wasn’t overwhelming, maybe that was the reason i fell in love with you.

But i tried with all of my will to remove these feelings for you, because you have a girlfriend at that time, which worked as a reason for dismissing the feelings. but one day, i was scrolling through my facebook when my friend request chimed, and saw a notification from your second account, which was weird, because while would someone need another account? were you hiding something? (i found the answer to that later on). i decided to ignore the fact that you added me and went back to my business.

everyday at school, my eyes will always find you, no matter what. i’d see you across the halls, or even when your back is turned to me, i’d recognise you, which made me feel antsy, because i keep thinking that i can see you everywhere. I felt like i was going crazy.

that kept up for awhile, about a month, before i had the courage to chat you up. It was summer vacation, and i was out night swimming with two of my closest friends, which made me feel awkward, because they were dating each other, and we were the only ones at the pool (it was a private pool next to my house). I told them what i was going through, Sean, one of the friends i was out with, said, i can chat you up and see from there. Don’t think Sean is a bad influence, he said i should chat you up to befriend you.

When we went home to my house (they were staying over), I decided to take up Sean’s advice and chatted you up, with my goal, flirting with you, so i did chat you up. I messaged you on your first account, thinking that your second account may be down or you just forgot the password. I decided to ask you when the start of class is, not because i was acting stupid just to ask you a question, but just to ask, really, because i was still on vacation and doesn’t give a shit on the date, as long as it’s still summer. you replied with the date and i thanked you, then said the magical words. “you and your girlfriend look cute together”, because it was true! you two did looked cute together, but you replied “we only look cute on the outside” which made me curious, so i asked why, you said that you two fight often, more than other couples do, so i said, “you must love her so much, because you’re still together” i already knew the answer, but it was still a shock, you replied with “yeah, i love her” which crushed me, so i didn’t ‘seen’ the message, but to my surprise, you messaged me again, “how about you? how’s your love life?” i answered the truth, i said that i have a crush on a guy at school, you said which course, cause you might know the guy and help me with with him, so i said that it’s a guy from your course, and has a girlfriend on the same course your girlfriend has. then you got the idea who, and said we should continue the conversation on your other account.

We talked for a couple of minutes more, then the next day, you wanted to come over to my home, to know if i was really interested in you and that i’m not some kind of trap your girlfriend had set up, so i greed, after my friends left, i got in the shower, because let’s face it, i’m meeting up with my crush, and i’m not going to let myself be seen in pajamas and no makeup, so i got ready, put on my basic, which is eyebrows (for all the girls who can go out without putting on any eyebrows or just have thick eyebrows, i salute you girls) and my colored contacts, mascara, lipstick. I was very insecure before you came into my life.

at exactly 6:00 PM, you texted me to tell me you were outside of my house, i took a deep breathe and let you in. and i think my breath caught in my throat when i saw you outside of my house, because it was you!, you that I've been crushing on since forever, was outside my door. you showed me that smile that i couldn’t resist. i let you in and showed you to the living room before before fetching you something to drink. It was awkward at first, because we didn’t know what to talk about, so we talked about simple things, you at the sofa, while i was by the window, standing up, because i didn’t know what to do with my limbs, i was nervous, fidgety, and that stupid zoo in my stomach wouldn’t stop. You noticed that i was fidgeting from feet to feet, so you asked me to sit down beside you because you said i was top far from you, so i sat down next to you, on he farthest end of the sofa, but you nudge closer to me, so i was practically squished on the end. You laid your head on my shoulder and intertwined your fingers to mine. I was in cloud nine, because you were here inside my home, holding my hand, but reality kicked me in the balls (figuratively) immediately, when i realised that you had a girlfriend, so i brought it up. You said that you didn’t love her anymore, and that the reason you said that you still love her, because you were thinking that i was indeed a trap from your girlfriend, but i wasn’t, so we talked more, kissed, and you left.

You didn’t want anything to happen on that first day, because you said you only wanted to get to know me, which made me happy, because that proved that you were not after the sex.

nothing happened every time you came over, we would talk, kiss, and watch movies, like a regular couple would do, it made my summer fun, since i’m often alone at home, because my mom and dad works far from home, so they’re home 4 to 6 days a week, and you made my summer less lonely.

but when Classes started again, it became hard, because we couldn’t see each other often, and that you were with her most of the time that i saw you, which crushed me, and you were always busy with things at school. so i busied myself with school work too.

It was hard on me, because i kept seeing you (for real this time) at school with her but i couldn’t do anything, because you were hers, and i was nothing, just a summer fling, so i just kept my head low and studied, but it was hard to keep you off my mind, that i often burst into tears, and when the pain was unbearable, i drank myself to sleep. You were the love that i wanted to fight for, but couldn’t, because i don’t know how you feel about me, so kept quiet.

It’s been hard on me, but i’m trying, trying very hard to ignore these feelings, like nothing happened. and i just wanted this to get out of my system, so this must be goodbye.

#personal #summer love #almost lover

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