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If now isn’t a good time for the truth I don’t see when we’ll get to it.

Nikki Giovanni 

#black girl thoughts

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Just Another Sad Love Poem

How am I suppose to write about love, With my heart breaking, Been years, Same old situation, I love you masking same lying faces, Gentle touch means nothing, Fingers closer to fakeness, Tear stained pain covers our sheets, Where soft words are spoken, Soon faded, Not often love made, You and I will grow distant, Cold heart will soon replace this, Then me lying to you will become complacent, Fighting for a fairy tale that use to be  stary, My eyes viewed you as the moon, Pulling me deeper to you, But what happens when gravity has faded, Those waves of emotion press pause, Leaving everything at a stand still, Nothing moves me, Fought so hard to see you different, Cause different is what I deserved, Guess you didn’t get that memo, ©Alluring.Havoc

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A Fucked Up Situation (CodeName Letter To My Baby’s Father)

I should’ve kept ignoring you, Scrolling by that looming question you asked me daily, “Can I take you out”, I should’ve deleted it, But that hunger for desire kept gnawing, So me being me, I answered, Hopped up and steady myself, I made time to spend with you, And from that first time, I should’ve rethought my lines, Cuz see you was a fuck up then, Wrapped up in nice clothes and smarts, You were still a mess, But me being fluent in the language of Fuckery, I decided to deal Now here I am, 8 years and 9 months later, With a reminder of our first conversation, Who looks like you when he’s in trouble, Brown skin and minature muscle, He is the blessing drawn out of our mess, And yet you still are a fuck up, No calls on birthdays, No hugs at bad times, You aren’t present, And yet his stature is undoubtedly yours, The ever growing bass in his voice screams you, And low and behold you’re still a fuck up, Living, I have tired to find rhyme to your reason, Why you never decided to stay, Not for me, but for him, Each excuse is shitier then the last, “He had to grow up Victoria”, “Maybe he was scared Victoria”, Well for me growth and fear didn’t have time to wait, It lived inside of me, Sprouting limbs that would never stop moving, Eyes that would constantly seek answers, And mind that would keep me up at night, And still with all this beauty you continue to be a fuck up, Maybe putting your mama in it would change you, Open your eyes to see your creation, But shit if she wasn’t crazy too, Telling me your absence was my fault, That loose girls aren’t the ones that men want, Funny, cuz your up to 3 kids now with no sights of stoping, Steadily prasing your constant lack of compassion, So now I see why you became the fuck up, You so adamantly are, Tho I can lay all blame with you, Cuz I extended my womb so graciously, Knowing that fuckery lived in your eyes, And that laying with you would, Only be met with inconsistencies and court room visits, So I guess my decsion was fucked up too, But if ever in the late nights, it troubles your mind, Or cause stress in your sleep, How “your” child might turn out to be, Let me reasure you this, With every ounce of me, A “Fuck up” that deals in fuckery he will never be ©Alluring.Havoc

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Pay it Forward

Many hearts cloak my path leading up to this, I can admit that love was all games and no fun, And like checkers, I jumped over each one grabbing it up like casualties, Until I undoubtedly felt like the queen. False representation, I suppose Cause late nights when my loneliness swallowed me up, I knew I had no prize. For I am sleeping Beauty, laying upon a slab of insecurities and day dreams Waiting ever so patient for the kiss that never comes, For my princess that never appears Only dragons of broken souls like mine, Lost as I am, we only give each poisonous wine to sip, Half hearted promises, And lust filled night masked as devotion. I can admit to you that I was never fully equipped leading up to this, The knowledge of love of jaded by imperfections of others emotions, How can baby girl give love, if all she encounters is self loathing,  hidden behind a mask of strength,

©Alluring.Havoc

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Let Me Just

Let me just stop for a moment, Stop trying to be perfection, Stop trying to be someone I’m not, Stop trying to be whoever the hell they thought I was. Let me just stop, Stop you right there, Cause the illustration you tryin to paint is just a illusion of who I really am, Just pretty pastry puffed up verison of lies smudged into the corner of me you find lacking, Let me just stop you, Stop you from making my decisions, Declaring my revolution, We you have no idea of the battles I’m daily fighting, Torn between being convincing you I’m everything and feeling less than nothing, Between being a creative genius or a lazy bag of creative shit, Between learning to fight on or accepting my damned defeat, So let me, just stop, Stop entertaining “everyone’s” ideas, That because I’m black and single mother, That I’m suppose to be unfit, Or that since my son is fatherless, That he deserves to be killed, Or because I’m a woman, who happens to like pussy, married to a woman, That I’m going straight to your lilly white version of hell, Cause no one truly know what lies on the other end, So let me be my best me and leave the judgement to the father. But let me stop, Stop, Stop, Stop, Trying to live for you, And enjoy these breaths I’m breathing, Unborthed and cool ©Alluring.Havoc

#poets on tumblr #poems for girls who love too hard #poet of color #poets of instagram

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