a-purely-objective-frog

[a-purely-objective-frog]

[a-purely-objective-frog]

adult hood is just

*buys a half gallon of milk* *uses it all within a few days* *decided to buy a gallon of milk to not run out before next shopping trip* *uses a teaspoon of milk that week and it goes bad somehow* *buys a quart of milk instead so it won’t go bad* *uses it in one day* *buys a quart and a half gallon of milk because the gallon was too much but the half gallon was not enough* *only uses the half gallon* *gives up on milk for a few days in general* *buys a gallon of milk again just to tempt fate* *somehow uses all of it without realizing and then has to eat sad cereal with like the 5 drops of remaining milk*

[a-purely-objective-frog]

Ugh there was a store in my town with a "free coffee w/ purchase" deal and when I went there the cashier (who was super chill and nice and not to blame) was like, nah, that's just an advertising thing, it's not fr which, like, what the fuck!?

Anyways, perfect analogy for me walking into terf spaces looking for feminism. Yeah, it's on the label, but it's just an advertising thing

What the fuck?

#terfs are wild and i will never understand them #terfism: for when you understand a systemic problem #but punching up is too hard #and the status quo is just so comfy #frog thoughts

[a-purely-objective-frog]

Honestly, with all the tradwife cooking trash circulating, it only makes me love B Dylan Hollis more for baking vintage recipes while being openly gay, making sexual jokes, and screaming at the ingredients. He's the antithesis of every soft-spoken cishet woman cooking for her husband and children. You don't have to be an idyllic cottagecore housewife to cook.

[a-purely-objective-frog]

[a-purely-objective-frog]

Lmao how is this real, "the ambient sounds of the world were wrong, sir"

[a-purely-objective-frog]

[a-purely-objective-frog]

“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.

[a-purely-objective-frog]

[a-purely-objective-frog]

[a-purely-objective-frog]

[a-purely-objective-frog]

I dream of one day being able to craft characters as vividly and efficiently as Billy Joel in “Piano Man.”

Paul “the real-estate novelist”. Three words! That’s all we need to build a complete picture of this man’s personality and history. And then it just rounds out the picture with “never had time for a wife”.

And we don’t even pause a beat before jumping to the equally vivid tragedy of “Davy who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life.”

And these two are talking together! Because of course they are, these kindred souls stuck in their lives of mediocrity.

The whole song’s nothing but lightning-fast character sketches. The old man whose song is “sad and sweet and knew it complete when I wore a younger man’s clothes.”

John at the bar, so firmly established as cheerful and friendly and exuberant before the 180 turn to “Bill, I believe this is killing me.”

The waitress practicing politics.

Even the businessmen “sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it’s better than drinking alone.”

All these tiny little tragicomic figures gathered around a bar’s piano. Sketched in five minutes and thirty-nine seconds–and that’s counting the choruses and harmonica breaks.

I dunno, I just think about it every time I hear the song and think he deserves more credit for it.

[a-purely-objective-frog]

Doofenshmirtz is kind of proof that you can, in fact, make one of the funniest characters out there by throwing shit at the wall.

He’s a supervillain, he’s amicably divorced, he was raised by ocelots, his evil ambitions only stretch as far as taking over the tri-state area, he’s in a romantically-coded/joked about rivalry with a sentient platypus, he’s a good dad, he once lost a fight with a potted plant, he was forced to be a lawn gnome. But most importantly, he never gives up.

[a-purely-objective-frog]

#birds birds birds #i WILL be seeing all my extinct homies #new zealand!!!!! #with all the muas and the largest eagle ever!!! #they dont have mammalian predators so they might let me pet them #a whole bird based ecosystem #its legit so cool the only reason i am not petting a mua right now #is because theyre all dead :( #also i wanna catch an ivory billed woodpecker and bring it to my dads house #he would DIE but it would be so worth it #anyways #final answer: birds

[a-purely-objective-frog]

It puzzles me when people cite LOTR as the standard of “simple” or “predictable” or “black and white” fantasy. Because in my copy, the hero fails. Frodo chooses the Ring, and it’s only Gollum’s own desperation for it that inadvertently saves the day. The fate of the world, this whole blood-soaked war, all the millennia-old machinations of elves and gods, comes down to two addicts squabbling over their Precious, and that is precisely and powerfully Tolkien’s point. 

And then the hero goes home, and finds home a smoking desolation, his neighbors turned on one another, that secondary villain no one finished off having destroyed Frodo’s last oasis not even out of evil so much as spite, and then that villain dies pointlessly, and then his killer dies pointlessly. The hero is left not with a cathartic homecoming, the story come full circle in another party; he is left to pick up the pieces of what was and what shall never be again. 

And it’s not enough. The hero cannot heal, and so departs for the fabled western shores in what remains a blunt and bracing metaphor for death (especially given his aged companions). When Sam tells his family, “Well, I’m back” at the very end, it is an earned triumph, but the very fact that someone making it back qualifies as a triumph tells you what kind of story this is: one that is too honest to allow its characters to claim a clean victory over entropy, let alone evil. 

“I can’t recall the taste of food, nor the sound of water, nor the touch of grass. I’m naked in the dark. There’s nothing–no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I can see him with my waking eyes.”

So where’s this silly shallow hippie fever-dream I’ve heard so much about? It sounds like a much lesser story than the one that actually exists.

[a-purely-objective-frog]

Doofenshmirtz is kind of proof that you can, in fact, make one of the funniest characters out there by throwing shit at the wall.

He’s a supervillain, he’s amicably divorced, he was raised by ocelots, his evil ambitions only stretch as far as taking over the tri-state area, he’s in a romantically-coded/joked about rivalry with a sentient platypus, he’s a good dad, he once lost a fight with a potted plant, he was forced to be a lawn gnome. But most importantly, he never gives up.

[a-purely-objective-frog]

remember when nico told jason "yeah i had a crush on percy back then, but i was young and impressionable, i already got over it"? brother in christ you're still, like, thirteen, why are you talking about your elementary school crush like he's your ex-wife whose betrayal made you vow to never love again