youthslost

[youthslost]

#let me sleep. i am tired of my grief. — ( lan wangji visage. )

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screaming and crying rn is anyone familiar enough with google sites to tell me how tf to properly link between pages. I have my muse page set up but I don't understand how to then make it so u can navigate to each one's bio page. it keeps saying 404 error....

#> ooc. #> tbd. #I'm actually going insane . I need to step away for a moment

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face claim swap: xiaobo / 超不可爱小朋友 will now be the live action face claim of my nie huaisang!

#the boy who feels kept could be out of his depth. — ( nie huaisang visage. ) #bro is breath taking. #and he looks exactly like i pictured nhs so :3 yippeeee!! #hope u all see the vision 🙏

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— boyish lyrics by japanese breakfast

#let me sleep. i am tired of my grief. — ( lan wangji visage. ) #q.

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Nie Huaisang

X + X X + X

#i am no bird and no net ensnares me. — ( nie huaisang aesthetics. ) #q.

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Anyone need their wood chopped?

#bring the lion out. — ( nie mingjue visage. ) #wow. boobs #q.

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— a burnt child loves the fire.

#BYANYAN: an ind. priv. sel. original character exploring themes of: not being sure where your trauma ends and your personality begins, emotions that all seem to come out as anger, rebelling through self expression because it's all you have, the comfort found in self destruction, unlearning all the harmful things you grew up being told about yourself, and learning to love yourself and others. written by grey (30, they/them, pst).

♡ rules. ♡ bio. ♡ verses. ♡ credit. ♡

#WE LOVE BYAN (AND GREY) IN THIS HOUSE!!!!! #> promos. #q.

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Rati Saxena, ed. by Kate Rogers and Viki Holmes, from Not a Muse: The Inner Lives of Women: A World Poetry Anthology; "Mountain nights"

[Text ID: “Last night / there was a dream / And / In the dream? You / You / You / And / Only you”]

#knows everybody's disapproval. — ( lan wangji musings. ) #q.

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realized my extended character bio links wouldn't open on carrd on mobile. so i redid them as posts instead of pages. why are they STILL not opening for me.

#> ooc. #i rly wanna write with my oc's more but HELLO HOW CAN PPL READ ABOUT THEM. #they open fine on mobile if you use browser on your phone but not on the app? for some reason? #is it because they're private posts?????? does that matter?????? i don't wanna spam fdhgfjgk this is frustrating #i love this functional app!

[youthslost]

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐄   𝐎𝐅   𝐆𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐒   𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒   all   quotes   and   sentences   are   taken   from   sarah   j.   mass's   throne   of   glass.   spoilers   for   the   book.   change   names,   pronouns,   locations   and   whatever   else   you   see   fit.

“Libraries were full of ideas—perhaps the most dangerous and powerful of all weapons.”

"You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most.”

“No. I can survive well enough on my own— if given the proper reading material.”

We all bear scars,... Mine just happen to be more visible than most.”

“My name is Celaena Sardothien. But it makes no difference if my name's Celaena or Lillian or Bitch, because I'd still beat you, no matter what you call me.”

“Names are not important. It's what lies inside of you that matters.”

“Still, the image haunted his dreams throughout the night: a lovely girl gazing at the stars, and the stars who gazed back.”

“Sometimes, the wicked will tell us things just to confuse us–to haunt our thoughts long after we've faced them.”

"No fair maiden should die alone,"

“We each survive in our own way.”

“As my friend, you should either bring me along, or keep me company."

“Second place is a nice title for the first loser.”

“I wasn't going to kill him, you buffoon.”

"Now you must pretend that you like me, or else everything will be ruined.”

“I'm not married,because I can't stomach the idea of marrying a woman inferior to me in mind and spirit. It would mean the death of my soul.”

“Apparently, a woman can only go so long without a sword between her hands.”

“I never intended to escape.”

“I don't quite comprehend why you'd force someone to bow when the purpose of the gesture is to display allegiance and respect.”

“What's the point in having a mind if you don't use it to make judgements?”

“Would you like to dance with me?”

“If he weren’t here, I would have said yes.”

“I mean it. Why aren’t you dancing with anyone? Aren’t there ladies whom you like?”

“You always wear that necklace”

“No one deserves to be whipped like an animal.”

“You’re remarkably judgmental.”

“Magic makes people dangerous. ”

“The fear of loss … it can destroy you as much as the loss itself.” 

“There was good in people - deep down, there was always a shred of good.”

Well, 'scowling escort' is a better description. Or 'reluctant acquaintance', if you prefer.

I'm the Captain of the Guard-I'm not exactly a catch for any of them."

I want a husband to warm my bed, and my bed alone.

"I can act and talk like a lady, if it pleases me.

“If you'd like to unwrap me, we still have an hour until the temple service.”

“Perhaps you should consider your difficulty in getting past Wendlyn's naval defences to be a sign that you should stop playing at being a god."

“You deserve to be laughed at for such foolish thoughts! I spoke from my soul; you speak only from selfishness.”

“What’s the point in having a heart if you don’t use it to spare others from the harsh judgments of your mind?”

“Marriage is a legal contract -- it's not a sacred thing.”

“I hate women like that. They're so desperate for the attention of men that they'd willingly betray and harm members of their own sex.”

“I was merely observing; I have no agenda."

"If it pleases Your Magnanimous Holiness, I shall call you by your first name.”

 “You look rather pretty today,”

“Shall I gag you, or are you capable of being silent without my assistance?”

“If you don’t stop feeling and start instructing, I’m going to rip out your eyes and replace them with these billiard balls.”

“Perhaps allowing them to be friends was a horrible, dangerous idea.”

“I win,” he breathed.”

 “I am still your king. You will obey me, Dorian Havilliard, or you will pay. I’ll have no more of your questioning.”

“I can survive well enough on my own—if given proper reading material.”

“Beautiful. Deadly. Destined for greatness.”

“This is the most beautiful dress I’ve ever worn,”

“You could win the hand of a king, looking like that.Or perhaps a Crown Prince will do.”

“What a miserable state for a girl of former beauty!”

“This is Her Royal Highness the Princess Nehemia Ytger of Eyllwe.”

“The princess tires of your company.”

“You’re awfully quiet today,” 

“The city on the Silver Lake?

“to face a featureless young woman with golden hair and a crown far too heavy for her to bear—”

“Stop whining. No one gives a damn about your clothes.”

“You’re immensely entertaining when you’re hopping mad.”

“You certainly have a lot of stamina,"

"While some parents hit their children, mine also punished me with dancing lessons."

“Magic calls to magic.”

I like music,because when I hear it, I … I lose myself within myself, if that makes sense. I become empty and full all at once, and I can feel the whole earth roiling around me.”

“Light and darkness. Life and death. Where do I fit in?”

“I should go to bed,”

“Winter was unforgiving when you lived in the shadow of the Ruhnn Mountains.”

“I  sort of wanted to kiss him.”

“Are you going to kiss me again?”

“Cain seemed bigger and bigger.”

“Dorian is more inclined to associate with ladies of better breeding and beauty.”

“What a foolish tradition.”

“Princes are not supposed to be handsome! They’re sniveling, stupid, repulsive creatures! This one … this … How unfair of him to be royal and beautiful.”

“Something about him makes me want to beat in his face.”

“She knew that sword. Nothung was its name.”

“Damn him for being so handsome!”

#> memes.

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Anne Carson, from Red Doc> [ID in alt text]

#knows everybody's disapproval. — ( lan wangji musings. )

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nie huaisang text post meme p2

the last one might only make sense to me i fear but in my heart it's nhs-core. do u see my vision

#“what's going on in that head of yours?” nothing i want to be a part of. — ( nie huaisang musings. ) #incredibly important to me

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“ byan-ah, please. let joy into your heart. he lives with the raccoons, okay? trust haneul. ” he is all but pleading now, unsure if he's trying to convince byan or himself.

but the prospect of a new friend brightens him up right away. “ okay, yes! his name is sol, he must like stars! destiny! ” he claps, a big smile taking over his features. haneul absolutely loves rambling about space to anyone who will listen... which is not a lot of people, so actually having someone interested in the topic sounds extra exciting.

“ sci-fi? what is sci-fi? ” he pauses, thinking carefully over the words in his head. sci... science? and then... “ ah! 사이언스 픽션 ! yes! but, it's good! very realistic. also, mulder and scully are my parents. you will like it. ” haneul actually doesn't know what sorts of things byan likes to watch, so he's unsure if they'll like it, but..... at the very least, they can enjoy the pretty fbi agents with him! he stares at byan, clutching their sleeve and doing his very best puppy dog eyes expression. “ come onnnnn. imo's ordering pizza tonight! maybe you can sleep over, too? ”

ㅤㅤ" okay, but a selfie with raccoons doesn't necessarily mean he lives with 'em. "ㅤnot to mention it wouldn't be particularly hard to photoshop such a thing, but if han really wants to believe it... they can at least keep that part to themself. it's not like they've seen the pictures, right?

ㅤㅤ" yeah? i think he'd prob'ly like that. "ㅤsmiling a little harder than they want to be over the idea of having haneul meet sol, byan brushes his hair back out into its usual style with a shrug.ㅤ" i'll hafta introduce ya sometime. y'know, i dunno why it didn't occur t' me sooner, 'cause he likes stars too — you guys'll have loads to talk 'bout. "

not expecting that the topic of aliens to be the one haneul is the most serious about, they give a faint start when he suddenly grabs at their arm, eyebrows jumping up their forehead.

ㅤㅤ" wh— wait, wait, wait, now? "ㅤutterly perplexed by the complete shift of the room's energy over one (arguably ridiculous) subject, byan exhales a somewhat bemused laugh.ㅤ" right this second? i got shit t' do, man— "ㅤthey don't.ㅤ" an' isn't the x-files just, like, some old sci-fi show? how's'at s'posed to convince me? i mean, s'not even like i don't believe, i just haven't really thought about it— "

#byanyan #haneul > ic. #hes yapping again.... oh lord #also haneul has never had a sleepover in his life #have u seen that picture of the sad hamster with the really big eyes. thats han rn asking byan to come over #also the hangul is literally just science fiction. yes i googled if scifi was a term they used in korean

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i saw an actor/model on tiktok that looks EXACTLY how i picture huaisang in my head and i just can't get over it.......... i love jili but............. i'm thinking thoughts

#> ooc. #hes so pretty and he does xianxia shorts and stuff and has long hair so....... i could pretty easily use him....... #he also does erha cosplay sdjkhg

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nie huaisang did not particularly dislike lan wangji. in fact, he'd quite liked his company as a child. it did not take many of their forced interactions to understand that the other boy was not particularly social, and nie huaisang was quick to adapt to that. he remembers how elated lan xichen had been when he'd found the two of them one day, sitting in the library where he and dage had left them, quietly painting on their own parchments side by side. ‘ i knew they would get along, with their artistic inclinations! ’ erge had said, smiling as if he'd watched his baby take his first wobbly steps. unfortunately for everyone involved, the bond was short lived as the two grew — lan wangji into a diligent, stern gentleman, and nie huaisang into a lackadaisical, flightly slacker.

now, though, nie huaisang sees him with the same curious eyes he had as a child. the illustrious hanguang-jun looks utterly lost in his aviary as if he'd been plucked from another universe entirely.

“ nonsense, nonsense ! it is my pleasure to host the great hanguang-jun and welcome him to qinghe. ” the words are spoken as delicate hands slide a cup of tea towards the other man, a small smile pulling at his lips. “ i'd wondered when the man who goes where the chaos is might turn up around here. oh, it really is so much work. how is one man meant to do it all by himself? utterly preposterous, if you ask me. ” the ornate fan of the day slides open as he speaks, then abruptly snaps shut as a thought seems to occur to him. “ wait ! if you're here—- oh no. something's happened, hasn't it? ah, i really shouldn't have fallen so behind on my correspondence.... oh no. how bad is it ? tell me, erge hasn't sent you, has he ? ”

-ˋˏ🌥 ┈┈ @youthslost Nie Huaisang ; ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀ ᴄᴀʟʟ

   THERE IS A CERTAIN LEVEL of familiarity that comes with growing up when your brothers are best friends with each other. For the two of them, it meant in some people's eyes, they were childhood friends. However, to be childhood friends, the word friend needs to be given, and Lan Wangji would never place that title on Nie Huaisang’s head. They’re not friends, he’s never had friends. Even the other children in the Sect when he was little had kept their distance from him. The cold, emotionless, perfect student of the Cloud Recesses. However, with Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue as close as they were, Nie Huaisang and him had spent time together often.

   After Nie Mingjue passed, his brother’s visits to Qinghe had diminished quite a bit. Nie Huaisang visited the Cloud Recesses more than his brother visited the Unclean Realm. Lan Wangji himself, when he passes through Qinghe, he doesn’t usually stop to visit. He’d been intending to do the same thing this time, move through chasing the chaos the Cultivation World accused him of doing. However, he had run into Nie Huaisang in the forest that bordered the Unclean Realm and after a very long time of just staring at each other–he ended up here. 

   Here being what looked like some sort of bird sanctuary with the offer of tea. 

   Truly Lan Wangji isn’t good with people, he might manage words better than he actually manages social situations. Which means, for once, Nie Huaisang has him at a loss. Awkwardly his gaze shifts around the room, glancing from the table being set with tea to the birds that were around the place. Sliding his bright gaze back over it landed on Nie Huaisang. “You do not have to.” Force himself to have tea with him, out of respect and being polite. Out of familiarity for each other. “I was only passing through.”

#guqinstrings #nie huaisang > ic. #// im so sorry this took 500 years for me to get to oh my word #my huaisang is a lil rusty so hopefully this is alright!

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haneul really wishes the ground would just open up and swallow him right now. that, or to instantly teleport anywhere else like in one of his comics. anything that got him away from here, having to listen to joonki talk in circles to explain himself. he gets that the boy didn't mean it like that ― they never mean it like that. but it hurt his feelings, damn it !

and when he sees joonki rubbing his eyes, it feels even worse. his brain is screaming conflicting things at him ― in one corner, we've got: oh god, you made him cry, haneul! you have to apologize! and in the other corner is: what the hell is HE crying for? you're the one that had to sit and listen to one of his buddies insult you!

“ it's fine, joonki. really. ” he manages to force out, panic rising in his throat. the guilt for making someone upset with his emotions is winning the boxing match in his brain. “ it's not like i'm not used to it. ” being made fun of, and having nobody stand up for him. “ really. don't feel bad, okay? it's fine. i can stick up for myself. if you don't mind, kiha hyung is waiting for me, so.... ” he's not. haneul isn't even sure he's still at school. but he just wants to get out of here and go cry in peace.

“ Please don't go. ” He picks his words carefully, thinking them over as if saying the wrong thing would completely push Haneul away from him; never to return. It's not necessarily the truth, or rational, he knows Haneul would understand and forgive, because that's the type of friend he was -- and he understands that explaining himself is just going to be a list of pointless excuses. “ I froze up, that wasn't a fair reaction. It wasn't the right reaction, and I don't ... I just don't want you to think I'm anything like them ... like that. And I know actions speak way louder than words and I'm just ... saying things now and you don't even have a reason to believe me. ”

Joonki didn't want to cause hurt, but he doesn't stop himself from rambling either, eventually trailing off his focus to the pair flirting by the benches (if flirting consisted of Daesung throwing compliment after compliment to a flustered, dark haired, upperclassman). The boy in the back of the car isn't used to being speechless like this ... utterly hopeless.

Haneul may be promising not to tell anybody, but Joonki isn't embarassed of anything that had happened in the first place. His sense of panic is completely self inflicted, contained completely internally, and the shame of not sticking up for his best friend was a worse feeling. “ I'm not ... like, embarrassed about being your friend or ... even you liking boys. I don't ... fuck. I don't know what's wrong with me. ” He's wiping oncoming tears with the back of his sleeve, tilting his head back and away from the other boy. Voice soft as ever, gentle in his emotions. “ I don't like it when you're hurting. That's all. ”

#wingached #wingached > joonki. #haneul > ic.

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' you think you got me ... but i got you seeing in PINK '

yoon. jihoon , aka kitty former dancer , turned killer independent original character penned by bee , est 2020

#> promos. #my sweet cheese!!!!! i love kitty sm smsmsmsmsm