yolasams

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bts “butter” interview with zach sang

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A heart that always understands also gets tired.

Unknown

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it’s 3 am and i feel happy and sad at the same time: happy that you finally have a hand to hold on to amidst these monstrous waves, an anchor—just like what you said; and sad because that anchor used to be me.

—030818 0244

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“Slow breathing is like an anchor in the midst of an emotional storm: the anchor won’t make the storm go away, but it will hold you steady until it passes.”

— Russ Harris

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“Waves" by Uehara Konen 上原古年 (1877–1940).

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daechwita 👑✨ #AGUSTD2

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on soulmates

f. scott fitzgerald / friedrich nietzsche / florence and the machine / andrea dworkin / kiersten white / euripides / audre lorde / phillip pullmann / bob hicok

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one of my favourite things in the world is casual intimacy. a small hand on your back when you’re in crowded streets. a gentle kick from where they’re sitting across the table. a head on the shoulder, a hand in your hand, a squeeze on the arm as they’re walking past you. and i think maybe love isn’t made up of grand gestures or explosive displays but that it’s made up of the little things. the little things that say i’m here and i care for you and that your life has intertwined so deeply into mine that that there’s no need to think, because casual intimacy comes easy

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“Uh oh, the boys!”

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Quarantine, Parents, & Self-care

It is now the 8th month of quarantine period.

Go home and reunite with your family during this hard situation, they said.

But why do I feel hesitation about this?

Most people are in the same situation as me right now, going back to their parents' house (or any family's house), enjoying the home-cooked food, chilling with their loved ones while staying safe from the outside world.

Yes, I do experience all these things, but why I don't feel comfortable mentally?

One of my favorite lyric from Greenday maybe can explain this:

"They say home is where your heart is, but what a shame, cause everyone's heart doesn't beat the same."

Yeah, maybe my home isn't the one people said to me?

What if my 'home' is different than a family's house or the presence of my parents?

No, I do love my parents. A lot. Making them proud and happy is my one life goal.

But one thing I realize during my 25th year of living and still trying to deny this is, I don't feel comfortable going home to my parents anymore.

I don't like how everytime I went home, they are always argue about something and they tried to involve me in it.

I don't like seeing the house turned out right now. And I still try to ignore it since I don't have the 'power' to decide on things in that house.

I don't like the way my Mom always acts like she can micromanage me, deciding on every little thing that I do. I think when being 25 you can cut the ketchup pack correctly, but according to my Mom, I was wrong! Imagine how crazy that is.

There are times when I got so annoyed and frustrated, I tried to clear up my mind and think about it. Maybe she does meant something good. Maybe she is trying to make me a better person. Maybe I already being comfortable of living alone, not care of anything else and here is Mom who tried to fix everything. But again, I'm 25 I think she really needs to move on being a Mom to a 5 year old because... We're not that young kid anymore.

Anyways, being here does make me feel stressed out more. I lose my self care time to do some reflection, workouts, etc. Right now I might feel frustrated, not knowing what to feel and what to do. But I like to think it's worth it since I'm spending my time with them.

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tuesday morning

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“The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all.”

— Søren Kierkegaard, The Sickness Unto Death

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KODAK GOLD 200／夜熱

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art history + colors [light blue]

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@zeewipark 

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Summer hours