yaboitombuto

[yaboitombuto]

I am entirely unrecognizable from me last year lol

Some of my commitments feel really rewarding in hind sight, and for once in my life I almost feel somewhat 'normal'

Maybe it was kind of a toxic point of view to see myself as below others because I felt jealous of others being photogenic, active on social media, and well known by everyone around, meanwhile I always felt kinda alone in the world.

Since the beginning of this school year I set a bunch of goals for myself, and one of the things I really wanted to do was to have more posts on my personal instagram account, I wanted to have that backlog, that history behind me and now -- I do!

It feels so nice to receive comments from my friends on my posts, to see pictures and stories from other people and not feel awkward about it, to be able to dm girls (as embarrassing and incel type shit as it is to say it this way I really couldn't talk to girls before especially through messages lmao), to just have more confidence in myself in general.

I still have issues for sure and I'm ways away from ever really being able to deal with them, but every time I get to look back I feel glad I got this far :)

[yaboitombuto]

Good lord it's all crashing down

Self worth issues and comparisons are coming back yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Also super stressed cause 3 tests next week and I've barely studied for anything and I have 0 energy for anything kms

I thought shit was gonna go well but I can't have nice things I guess... I'll just hold on for now and hope things do eventually get better but I'm scared asf that they won't. I'm honestly super nervous about my friends, like I'm worried that since I've been like so down these past few weeks all the plans we've been making as usual might not even come to fruition n shit and I'm scared that they might be feeling so bored around me that without thinking they won't bother the same way yktv

I'm scared that if I don't have these 2 friends of mine, what will I really have??? I'm aware that high school relationships are always like volatile and won't last for ever but I'm scared of spending my last 6 months of high school and childhood and all that all alone with all my friendships just being saying hello to people in the hallways and shit

I really want to be with that girl man, she made me feel so happy for a bit, and now that I miss her I just feel terrible wtffff

I just wish I could feel less lonely kms ksm kms ksm ksms ksk msmsk mksm sm

[yaboitombuto]

Novo updatee

Been vibin yo I think I'm finally feeling the 'effects' of trying so damn hard to be more social, it feels way easier to 'be social' and I'm not as scared of sharing things or asking for something of someone.

I've been so much happier too, despite some issues with school I think I'm doing better than ever, and just feel really proud of himself for all of this.

On a not so positive note I went and started crushing on a girl that i just now learned is still kinda into some other dude and I am probably the furthest thing from her type if she has one kmsssss

Ok so as of until this point I'm really enjoying capoeira, it's super fun and just doing physical activity in general feels great + my master and colleagues are all super nice and I'm really happy I started it, few days ago it was 5 months since I started so I hope I can continue for many more months now.

Update over c u in a month or so

[yaboitombuto]

Looking back

I think a huge pit shift in my personality and personal growth has unironically been my music taste lmao. Switching from j-pop and dubstep to just hip-hop has made me less self conscious about it, if that makes sense, and less self conscious about a lot of stuff.

I could not accept myself if I went back to how I used to be, and honestly I'm happy with that. Means I've changed and grown, and I'm hella proud, though I still have a ways to go: I need to be more confident and socially competent, and I have to go further in discovering hobbies and talents and shit I like and care about besides just pen spinning kekw, but I'll get there with time.

I have many people to thank for everything I've been through, and people I used to think of as 'elitist' or 'annoying' honestly feel very relatable now that I feel like less of a nerdy fucker (in the words of le chip chop)

dawg if I was you I'd kill myself

[yaboitombuto]

wowa update been so long

ok so a few things have been going on:

changed laptop since my old one was super slow and my school gave me (or lent idfk) one so ill use that one, the downside is that it doesn't have vegas and i haven't even started the edit lmao i'll try to get on it eventually enough i suppose kskskdfksfad

started capoeira, finally getting back into martial arts and it's super fun but also really damn hard and I feel like such a clown trying to do the moves ffs my weak self esteem cannot handle this level of distress

school year starting and I've been doing pretty alright, my new class seems fine but a girl I had a crush before on is there and I've been just feeling kinda shitty about it really don't know how to approach everything

trying my hardest to self improve hmhmhmhmhmhhmmh

still spinning but almost never recording lol i'll make a post when i fully quit spinning ig (also kinda quit graff as a hobby jsfadsfjiadflak)

update over

[yaboitombuto]

spoke with mumm3y for the first time in months, dude has changed a ton wow really grew up and matured and having a chat with him was nice

also liked how i had no resentment or hate towards him despite me despising him before, it's good to forgive people

this makes me wonder how people like void can hold grudges and hate people for like over 10 years lol

also decided to organize a cv and the person i rly wanted to submit is like getting married so awful timing should have done this earlier kskfhasdjfalsdhfuasdjfba

either way i hope i can get submissions for this shit tho honestly i feel like it will just be ass lol let's see how it goes then

[yaboitombuto]

Exchange trip wtf

Had the best week of my life how does this happen ahdsyufhaskdf

Spent 11 days in catalonia with an amazing group, shit was genuinely so fun, also managed to fall in love, unsure how but I'm just so fuckin flabbergasted basdfhasfaa

Leaving some names here so I'll remember people when I re-visit my old posts mayb someday zzzzzzzzzzzz Júlia, Zoé, Domingo, Nerea <3, Nestor, Liza, Iryna, and many others ig lol

This was so much better than the trip to belgium, I didn't even wanna go to this one but it was such an adventure I can't put into words

I'm so glad I got to meet everyone, I'll never forget you guys

[yaboitombuto]

Finalsssss

Got a 16.3 in biology or smth and feel super dead. Leaving the exam room I just thought I'd get a better grade and feel very disappointed in my performance, some very bad interpretation on some of the exercises and just feel pretty shit about the whole thing. I think most of it is because of envy of students with whom I was on par with getting way higher grades than me which makes me feel like complete shit since that's what happens when you develop your entire persona on being a smart boy who gets very good grades and sndjjfjejsjhfjskkd

aaaaaaaanyway... still have physics and chemistry left to go and I got 6 days to study since I spent all of the other 3 weeks doing biology because I'm very smart and my time management is immaculate.

Let's see how that goes.

In the meantime here's a clip of me with nails bc ig my parents don't want to bother me abt it when I'm alr so stressed with this bullshit lmao

[yaboitombuto]

school is over but i feel so fucking lost

finals in like a week and I'm not ready at all i suck hot ass at studying and can't focus for 20 seconds because I'm a fucking moron

idk how I'm gonna manage because I NEED a good grade for this shit but i can't imagine how I'd possible get anything above like 14/20 which scares the hell out of me

I'll post updates ig....s.djfkshfhjehdndjsofknwj

[yaboitombuto]

you ever just want to stop being terminally online so you try to go out with friends but you have no one to go out with

i don't even know what i'm really supposed to do anymore...

things made so much more sense 2 years ago when i could be in my room all the time

now, the music i listened to, the things i enjoyed, the person i thought i wanted to be, it feels so distant... it makes my stomach turn and i feel so uneasy, but why if i felt so comfortable with it just a few months ago...

ill go do the mountain of schoolwork i need to do now ig

[yaboitombuto]

No clue where to go with my spinning kms

I've been losing motivation for ps a lot recently, don't rly have the same drive to improve anymore. idk if continuing to grind the makin bust thing is worth it or not after might saying it looked ass lol

I'm getting into other hobbies now, got myself a clone naut so I'm actually trying to learn bali after like 2 years of having a ccc

Also trying out graffiti stuffs, saw some irl friends doing tags and for some reason to me it seemed like the coolest shit ever so here we are ig joined a disc server and alr got blasted like 3 times for trying to add style and told to go back to basics

can't say i didn't expect this to be the case but it still kinda stings lol

On the bright side, the graff community seems, surprisingly enough, very very similar to how the ps community was before to me. Very gatekeep-y where you'd get shit on if you were a clown like if you don't accept criticism you just get a warning and get the "fucking retard" role which i think is pretty based contrary to how you can get away with refusing criticism in the ps servers and still call our community toxic zzzzzzzzzzzzz

i also love the idea that you only become a graffiti "king" after someone calls you one (and you reply with smth like "nah im just a random ahh mf") which reminds me of the intermediate card shit that was so fun omg i still remember it was hobby who called me intermediate at first ily hobby

also the toy shit its like all the beginners asking if they were intermediate and getting told "you become intermediate when you stop giving a shit about it" its the same like you stop becoming a toy once you understand the culture and the rules (like knowing spinners and mods and all that) and when you're that good you can already tell by yourself that you're not a beginner (once you can do combos and freestyles with good structure you can tell you're no longer a beginner lol)

Wow this turned out to be a long ass rant abt the ps community and all that i think i really just need to cope lmao

[yaboitombuto]

Finally got a new phone holy shit that was annoying, now I'll have to get used to the new open camera settings gg

[yaboitombuto]

I'm liking these webcam videos more than my actual old phone recording stuff, I guess the low res and the lighting in them hid my bad attributes. I should probably record more with my webcam, took me about a year but I finally got some good looking settings with it lol

Freestyling in style just feels so much more fun and rewarding than making combos that just get filtered lamoaamoa, idk if people like my spinning as much though

[yaboitombuto]

dread

I feel so fucking dead, I haven't felt really horny in days, I don't know what my hobbies are, I don't know what person I want to be, where I want to orient myself towards, and what do you know, amazing timing: School is becoming more and more punishing...

I almost feel like I wasted all these years so far... and now that I'm trying to do it all at once i feel so overwhelmed by everything... I just hope shit turns out fine im so tired and im doing my best i swear

[yaboitombuto]

LPSA encore https://youtu.be/pH_YqAPsTIU I have no words for how this video makes me feel...

From how unbelievably awesome the combos from Might, Sherni, Taichi and Vstrike were, to the absolute shook of seeing the Wai, Hurricane and Lekunga still be so damn strong...

Anyone checking up on my solos, style edits and just talking to me in general will know just how much I have gotten invested in LPSA. Even though I only started spinning when it was long-dead (or so I thought), I learned about it from talking to older spinners and quickly started to grow a liking for p0kergraph!c's editing, the PSWS view of 'style' and just the atmosphere in the mixclips, the spinning, the projects... I know it makes me a fanboy but I have no shame in admitting all of this. Taichi1082 easily became an idol to me and a huge influence, in spinning, in editing, and just in my way of viewing pen spinning, as corny as that may sound...

So when I heard that a new LPSA video was going to drop today, I had no idea it would be as intense as it was before all the hype started to build up, and so, today at 17:00 UTC on point, i refreshed youtube and there it was, the first result in the home tab

as for the full reaction:

>the teasers for the cv's 1st, 2nd, 50 and wc14 were really cute and a great way to start along with the wholesome relay

>awesome atmospheric setup from might as well as the usual really cool style >recognized lekunga before the name drop hehe, didn't expect to seem him again, much less him being this good

>bbr's usual banger consistency, wished to see better camera settings though w

>product lol

>sherni is probably one of my favorite spinners at the moment, and while I'm certainly a huge fan of his old clips, this one was fantastic and I loved to see it <33333

>hurricane's nails ! ! ! ! ! love to see him still spin :3

>a pleasant surprise to see N30N and Norix still kicking

>god i still love impulse's finishers they are banger

>wholesome hype transition

>taichi's combo was just... wow.... that finisher...

>wai ! ! alive and awesome it seems, also stealing vstrike's op camera lol

>fideua still has his dc comssa control ! <3 ; see >bbr

>vstrike still producing bangers on the daily

>finishing it off with the 22.02.2022 which made me realized the importance of the date the video was uploaded on....

wow this might be my longest post and it's not even related to me directly lol

I have never been this hyped watching a cv, every single combo made me lost my shit, the music was a banger as is usual with taichi's awesome music taste, the editing was super hype and really put it all together

I think these words were able to better describe how I felt then, I'm really happy to be able to appreciate all that was this collab and this hype...

Go LPSA ! !

#Youtube

[yaboitombuto]

s-rok

is now really becoming like me, styler, lpsa obsessed nerd and making unoffs

i kinda love this but also scary, I hope I'm not a bad influence lol, but I have high hopes for him, like he's doing really well and improving very fast and I'm really liking how motivated he seems

I hope he continues to enjoy ps this way

btw please don't read this but if u do I am proud of you s-rok

look at him go

[yaboitombuto]

aesthetic tech drama

This is honestly so fucking stupid, it's just a group of tech spinners making up problems that either don't exist or exacerbate them to such an unnecessary extent so they can shit on others and make themselves look better than everyone. I don't even know what it is but it just feels like some crippling lack of self esteem shit by now. We've devolved to the point where if you don't agree with them you are racist and they'll try to trap people while arguing with them so they can make you say things you don't want to say, screenshot it out of context, and post it everywhere.

I feel bad for mustard this is just so fucked

this whole thing in the end is just not seeing things through other people's perspective the whole point of aesthetic spinning is to look good

at least for me, being good is secondary, so of course, setup, camera settings, angle and genetics are incredibly important

but now they've taken to shitting on anyone who does this so they can jerk off how not carried they are

oh well what do i know anyway

and side note, they keep bringing up skin color in aesthetics because afro got like one weird comment a few years ago and even though I have never heard anyone say anything about anyone's skin color ever in my time it's suddenly a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge problem

idfk man skin color was never an issue, good looking black spinners probably exist I just haven't seen any except like shonen (he's awesome btw) and I'm pretty sure it's not because the racist ps community bullied them out of the hobby, probably just cultural reasons

this is getting long and i'm just ranting