DM: The Deadlord stares at you all and mutters something in Infernal. Four zombies arise from the graves surrounding him. Then he…*rolls in prep for attack, is a nat 20* Oh. Oh my
Ninja (OOC): No! Did he just roll a critical Thriller?!
Im playing a cleric with a nature domain, so i can talk to animals. The party was sleeping one night around the fire and me and our fighter dwarf are keeping watch. And a bear walks up, so i talk to it and. Offer it some meat.
Bear: can i eat the little one?
Cleric: i would prefer u didnt.
Bear. He looks yummy.
Dwarf: what does is want??
Cleric: nothing dont worry about it.
The bear then sits next to me like a dog for a while as we talk about him not being aloud to eat the dwarf. Apparently dwarfs are dense and yummy similar to a bagel.
I had a few AUs that I didn’t feel were worthy of being their own post?? So… here?
Also most conversations in the LOTR Au tend to go like this :
Gavin : Hey Ryan could you do a thing with magic
Ryan : I’m gonna do the thing
Everyone else : Ryan no
Ryan : Ryan YES
So, we’re playing what is planned to be a one-off campaign. I’m DMing and my friend is playing a druid. My other friend is playing an alcoholic pirate who has had 59 ex-boyfriends.
Me: And how about you? Do you have any experience with relationships?
Kauri (Druid):…Not with humans.
Me: So, with like, what?
Kauri: I like bears.
Later
Me: While you’re meditating in the forest, a bear approaches and sniffs at you.
Kauri: I turn into a bear. And can we just like, skip forward an hour?
Me: *Jaw drops* …
Me: …I wonder if you get pregnant. Roll a constitution saving throw.
Kauri: *Fails*
Me: You’re pregnant.
Kauri: So, how exactly does this work? Like what happens when I turn back into a human?
Me: …That’s a good question. Roll a luck check.
Kauri: *Nat 20*
Me: You have kids immediately.
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