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The last apology
Ya know, I had a freak out today with how I am moving out of my apartment. Just sitting here and it's damn near empty and just ya know during my freak out no one wanted to help me cause of my "attitude" and what I was saying cause they weren't doing the things I wanted. All I kept hearing for the pass hour and a half. "Michael chill" "Michael your anger! It's ugly ! People don't like that ! You do this every time and you say sorry and you repeat the cycle!" And just yea I'm sitting here alone now and I realized my brother was the only person to help me despite how I was acting and I really thought about it. Like me freaking out and my brother staying was like our situation kind of. You can only put up with so much shit from someone and that was my family not wanting to help me so they shut me out but my brother stayed and it made me think of you and all the shit I've put you through and I put him through too if I just chilled out. I feel really bad for how I act and I finally found the source of how I act and why I get like this. Like im sure it was plane as day for everyone else but it wasn't for me and I am so sorry for how i treat you. You deserve better from me. If I come off as toxic, I am sorry. If I come off as rude or how I go about things is ugly to you. I am sorry. During these two weeks I'm really gonna try and fix it all so everyone not just you can see a different me. I want you to stay so bad that I put aside your shit and only think about me and That's not good. I am selfish and I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me
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They looking at me like we should murder this king! But when they see me in person all they do is bow at my feet cause Ima god.
My mama always told me "fuck what you heard! When you see your haters staring at you in public just make sure you give them the bird !"
And when I see them at parties all they do is mumble and slur, hop in their rental cars and crash it cause their vision was a blur
All I ever do is just mind my own business, I keep my head down Cause i am so anxious, so timid.
I had confidence issues till Wayne said that the sky was the limit.
I passed the sky, I'm in space and I feel like I really have no more limits.
I wanna keep going cause I just feel like I am never really finished
I am better than the best.
Your rappers favorite rapper.
Your skaters favorite skater
Multi talented, no more average shit, no more average bitch, I'm only writing like this because of this beat "the games we play" you don't gotta listen but shit at least I had something say this time, I hope you don't mind that I spoke out, while you over there balling with chains and rings, I'm looking at your pockets like "oh homies broke now."
Real cool, real special. I shop at thrift stores and I see you're trying to get on my level.
I'm real good, I'm the real devil,
I see you got one girl and I got several.
Okay I'm done
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I really wish he weather didn't affect my mood so much. I really need to get a hobby outside of skateboarding. I'm tired of being so sad all the time and feeling so sad and shit.
I honestly don't understand how my skateboard makes me feel so great but when I'm off of it I'm just empty and feel not so useful to the world.
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I am not okay
That's the best way I can put it. My mental health is at an all time fuckin low and I can fuckin feel it.
I don't know how to communicate with fuckin people. I've gone through this on this here before but god damn.
NO ONE WANTED TO FUCK WITH ME TILL I WAS GOOD AT SKATEBOARDING.
If it wasn't for my fuckin Nickname Mazda no one would give two shits about me.
It's gotten to the point where I'm at the park and idk how to introduce myself. Friends that I've known since I was 9 didn't fuck with me till I was 20 cause I got good out of nowhere they say.
I wanna make memories with them, I wanna hang outside the park, have a friendly connection, have that family bond where I know I can be there for them on the fuckin fly and they treat me like that as well but no. Idk how to start idk if I wanna do that with these people.
I feel so fuckin alone. My best friend doesn't even hit me up anymore.
I lose my god damn mind and I'm ready to bail on everyone. I say that a lot to myself but I am ready to bail.
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Go on ahead without me girl,
If you choose to stay then get on your knees and pray
That I love you back.
Cause I can't find the will to love myself.
I'm tired of putting myself in this hell and I can't tell if you're mad at me or my behavior.
If you leave then I guess I'll just see you later cause I don't know what you want from me.
Go on ahead without me girl,
If you choose to stay then get on your knees and pray
That I love you back.
Cause I can't find the will to love myself.
Going home after work, I'm remembering the hurt and the pain and the good times and the good vibes back when you were all mine, but I had to fuck up the vision cause you weren't ready or steady in the head, now just thinking about it most nights at home I wish I was dead.
Alone in my apartment, watching the departed, Im happy that it ended, I'm pissed that i started it because it was your favorite movie, fuck my lease is almost up, I should really think about moving, but now I'm just stopping deep down into my depression, I did a lot of fucked up shit the past two weeks I feel like I need a confession before I try to hide all of this shit before I get into heaven.
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JUST LMK
Constantly in my feels and half the time when I talk I don’t know what to say, asking the same questions over text like how was your day ?
Haven’t replied in hours, she said she’s had a long day and that she’s just getting out of the shower and I play it off like yea b it’s all good. Knowing my ass needs constant attention and affection every second I get
I have a blunt to calm down, I spark it lit and watch the smoke, hold the smoke in and try my best not to choke.
Problems like overthinking and anxiety finally go away
Now my ex is sending me nudes. I can’t fuck with her anymore cause I was always getting used and mentally abused.
I just want it all to go away, start a new and go far away
Will you run away with me ? Will you stick with me ? Are you willing to reciprocate the feeling that I am giving off.
Can I trust you or will you just run off like the rest of them, tell me now before I think you’re just like the rest of them.
I’m sorry I am boring and I can’t hold a conversation. I’m seeing you tweeting other conversations on twitter but that’s just me what observating that it ain’t me that you’re texting.
Oh man oh man bout to lose my mind part two, I feel like in my head that I should ghost and depart from you.
Cause I’m just not ready, financially unsteady, willing to keep this going if you are. Text me late at night saying you’re on the way and that you’re just getting in your car.
We can mix drinks back at my place, if you get to drunk then you can crash at my place, go ahead if you’re feeling invade my personal space.
But that is all up to you and this is just wishful thinking of overthinking and I just want it to go all away, start a new and go far away.
Will you run away with me ? Will you stick with me ? Are you willing to reciprocate the feeling that I am giving off.
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Constantly in my feels and half the time when I talk I don't know what to say, asking the same questions over text like how was your day ?
Haven't replied in hours, she said she's had a long day and that she's just getting out of the shower and I play it off like yea b it's all good. Knowing my ass needs constant attention and affection every second I get
I have a blunt to calm down, I spark it lit and watch the smoke, hold the smoke in and try my best not to choke.
Problems like overthinking and anxiety finally go away
Now my ex is sending me nudes. I can't fuck with her anymore cause I was always getting used and mentally abused.
I just want it all to go away, start a new and go far away
Will you run away with me ? Will you stick with me ? Are you willing to reciprocate the feeling that I am giving off.
Can I trust you or will you just run off like the rest of them, tell me now before I think you're just like the rest of them.
I'm sorry I am boring and I can't hold a conversation. I'm seeing you tweeting other conversations on twitter but that's just me what observating that it ain't me that you're texting.
Oh man oh man bout to lose my mind part two, I feel like in my head that I should ghost and depart from you.
Cause I'm just not ready, financially unsteady, willing to keep this going if you are. Text me late at night saying you're on the way and that you're just getting in your car.
We can mix drinks back at my place, if you get to drunk then you can crash at my place, go ahead if you're feeling invade my personal space.
But that is all up to you and this is just wishful thinking of overthinking and I just want it to go all away, start a new and go far away.
Will you run away with me ? Will you stick with me ? Are you willing to reciprocate the feeling that I am giving off.
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I am in love with no one, I just use the pain fake love gives me to evolve..
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I know this feeling and it's about time I abandon you. I tried my hardest to keep you around, wasting my time and I'm hoping my god will be damning you.
Precious memories will stick, when I see your name pop up im feeling sick in my head, couple months ago you had me feeling like I should be dead.
Never was good enough, finally today I decided I had enough, I know cutting you off is gonna be tough cause I swear it was love for a bit.
Your love was my favorite part of this skit.
I'm tired of going off mad and I'm tired of being sad.
I'm knocking out
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I try to separate myself and pretend that I don't have anyone but myself, I had someone tell me that I should seek some help.
Denying my friends
Wishing I was dead
Depriving myself of sleep
Get behind the wheel again and pray this time I stay asleep on the side of the street.
Constantly overthinking, every other weekend I'm over drinking, everyday I'm wondering what am I seeking
I'm searching for love and attention
Talking to this girl and I hope she doesn't misunderstand my Intentions.
She's got some issues, I'll be right
there with the tissue. She could be gone for a work day and come home and I'll hit her with "babe I missed you."
But I'll get it if she not ready, I gotta step back a bit, I get it I'm a step ahead b.
Always in a rush, last weeks girl is different from this weeks crush.
I'm tired I'm out.
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