worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

I feel frustration. I bored if my inability to trust and I bore if the inability of others to help me build trust for them.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

Aquaman as a name is so funny to me. Like was someone all “oh well we can’t just call him water man. Let’s make it spanish. But only half.”

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

I have resolved that I can’t show my true feelings to people anymore. I’d rather fake it and cry and kill myself one day than have to deal with the way the people I care about make me feel.

I’m so over it and I just want to get away so bad. Literally just wanna die

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

“Even when he was acting half-way civilized, he gave the impression that there was something savage, something primitive and dangerous barely held in check under the surface he presented to them all.”

— Rosemary Rogers, Sweet Savage Love (via talesofpassingtime)

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

My mental health is in the red and I’m in danger of hurting myself but I don’t want to reach out to anyone because I’m tired of being a burden. I’ll suffer through it and whatever happens happens. I’m tired of living anyway.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

The worst day. And I promised not to hurt myself or disappear when it’s all I want to do. I did it because I love him but I hate myself for it. I wish I was just a liar so I could just kill myself rn tbh because I’m sining every song I can to float, not even swim, and god I just feel like letting the water kill me, I wish I could give up inside and my body would collapse lifeless in the ground.

I’m so miserable and I’m not allowed to show jt because I don’t want to hurt anyone or make the breakup any harder than it has to be. I told him I wanted a break but I think he knows I’m breaking it off. Part of him probably believes that I’ll just come back since I’m so into him or whatever but that makes me feel awful because I know the regret and misery that will follow it and I don’t think it’s fair he had to know that feeling before realizing I was worth his time.

I let go because I loved him so much that I couldn’t hold him with me when I wasn’t for him. I never get to choose to be selfish because I can never live myself if I do.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

Sadly, I’m like in the middle again.

I feel like I’m in a different place in my life and I wanna rip the bandaid off really quickly but I just really wanna have faith that the spark isn’t just like dead.

I’m tired of trying tonit things as kindly as possible hoping to change things.

Things would be different if that’s how they were meant to be.

I hate giving up on other people. But I just feel like maybe I need to learn how to. He’s probably right, we’re probably heading towards even less and less closeness and i guess I should just get on with the rest of my life and meet someone that’s more suited for me if that’s possible.

But, for whatever reason, I’m just going to try my best for a little longer. I feel it isn’t fair to just let someone go without trying.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

I finally fucked it all the way up.

And tbh I’m considering quitting rn. I’m tired of living. I always fuck things up or get fucked up and I’m tired. Things will be less fucked up without me.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

I guess I hate short term changes because I can’t stand getting used to anything and then immediately having to deal with learning something else if it’s always going to be utterly useless in the end.

I like to stick to one mode which is why I prefer making permanent decisions over flip flopping back and forth. I’ve been in the red being so floppy floppy lately.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

Tbh, I don’t need to have sex and honestly, if it’s gonna be this uncomfortable, I’m just gonna stop thinking about it or doing it with him lmao. I’m just gonna start jerking off and sticking to myself. I think I’m even going to start actively refusing him because I feel like I pushed myself really hard to be more out there and open.

Point is, I try harder in that area and I refuse to keep trying. So no more sending him stuff despite being uncomfy about it. No more talking about it. No more. That’s the end of it.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

I’m like REALLY uncomfortable about sex. The, “want it till it’s there” kinda shit that people are on is just a little too uncomfortable for me.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

Fuck you.

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

My worries coming to request another ounce of my attention.

Faith - “The Chupacabra”

[worn-lies-truths-in-the-closet]

Just gonna sit here and listen to music and pretend I’m not too sad to do anything I like doing. And for once the WiFi is working and I don’t even care.