worldxofxnightmares

[worldxofxnightmares]

To love is to be changed.

By age 15 I was blissfully ignorant to the idea of a relationship. Not knowing or understanding why classmates would want one when they seemed to cause so much hurt. Basing your happiness on how another person responded and acted towards you didn't make sense to me.

That was until she started getting into relationships. My best friend. She got so much love. So many gifts. So much physical attention. Always had someone there for her. It started to pique my interest.

16 was when i got my first boyfriend. A lesson for sure. Not a good pick for the first but taught me a lot.

Then you came into my life, rather back into my life last year. November. We both remember and ache for the honeymoon phase again for when we felt butterflies and loved each other unconditionally. That was until we started being on and off.

You never seemed to prioritize me. Over her. Around New Years when his girlfriend told you she loved you. All you did was look up at me knowing i was going to be upset. You said nothing to her nor him.

As for all the other times, i can't remember what trivial thing led us to break up but July? I remember that month as if it's on a slideshow in my head, playing every second of every day. When you cheated with your ex. Spent the night with her that same night. Then decided it would be best to text me after i got hospitalized from you doing that?

At least this last time i got flowers and a plush, right? Not like it was an "I'm sorry" for doing something bad like i dont know. Texting the guy who led you to cheating on me?

Everything is so hard to handle you know. On top of us i dont have a job, i have nothing to get my mind off of it. I simply have to rot in my feelings.