wordsfromabrokensoul

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

desperately searching,

constantly wondering,

when will it be my turn.

when will it be my time

to feel the love i desperately crave

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

the only one i have to blame is myself

for never being enough

and for simultaneously being too much.

for asking for things I don’t deserve

knowing well

why I don’t deserve them.

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

Ne’erdowell

I am surrounded by brilliance

They shine so brightly.

They are the light

and I am the shadow.

Always copying

Forever trailing

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

turn my skin inside out

help me spill my guts;

find what’s broken

and stitch it into place.

pull the shards out

piece by painful piece

and maybe that’ll teach me

that I’m still a work in progress

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

Me: I don’t label myself

Also me:

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

killme🖤

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

“I am tired of being told I am loved and cared about but never made to feel that way.”

— your actions and words never match

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

whatever

I won’t beg you to stay any longer if you’re already heading for the door.

This will just validate everything that I’ve believed

that I don’t deserve this

that I don’t deserve us.

It’s only natural, since you’re getting better, that you’d want to cut some dead weight.

I just didn’t realize I was it.

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

would you please rattle my bones

and light my soul on fire.

remind me what it feels like

to be alive.

Because the words aren’t making any sense

and I’m not getting any better

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

too far under//crash

I am no longer drowning in guilt

for I have become one with the water.

My bones have sunk to the water bed,

I am now a sea of melancholy

beating down vessels that pass through me.

my tides will rage and roar

and crash down.

they’ll swallow you whole

before you get a chance to think.

I am uncharted territory

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

I guess we’ll just chalk it up to a bad brain

because it’s not worth the trouble

trying to do more for me.

It doesn’t matter if I’m unwell

what matters is that you’re okay.

Because what I feel is nothing more

than a delusion that my mind has conjured.

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

I wonder if I’m worth it

Christie looked at me with tears in her eyes. Her mascara was running and her foundation was smudged.

“if you decided to leave me, I would understand” she sobbed.

Those words hurt me. It hurt me more than she knew. My hands were shaking at how angry they made me, and my stomach was sinking again.

“is that it?” I asked “is that how you want this to go?”

Christie just frowned back at me. “No, of course not but-“

“BUT WHAT?” I said louder than i meant to. “Why do you choose to give up on this?”

“You’d understand if I decided to leave? what kind of excuse is that?

Am I so unworthy that you’d leave the moment things started to get rough?”

Christie was holding back tears.

“FIGHT FOR ME TO STAY” I said, tears now welling up in my eyes “don’t just toss me aside because I‘m giving everything into loving you this is breaking my heart”

[wordsfromabrokensoul]

these are some of the thoughts that bother me

I’m the problem

I’m the issue.

I’m the reason that things fall apart.

It’s because I’m not trying hard enough

not working smart enough

not bending far enough to change.

whatever issues arise

will ultimately be my doing

because I’m a mistake

who only makes mistakes