witty-me

[witty-me]

JANUARY 7, 2021

I'm crying. I'm in pain once more. It hurts me that I can't see myself in the same court that I see myself in. It hurts me to see how hopeless I am for telling my grandfather that I will be a lawyer soon. I considered changing my course, but I was too afraid to tell anyone that I was afraid of choosing the path they wanted me to go. I'm worried about what they'll say if I tell them I can't make it.

Would they view me as a doctor in the same way they regard a lawyer? Would my grandfather be enraged if I didn't follow through on his ambitions and expectations for me? Or should I continue down the same route, despite the fact that my heart wasn't in it?

I'm aware that this is a petty rant. If you're reading this, you're probably laughing at me for such a trivial matter. But I don't have good mental health, I'm not emotionally strong, and I can't bear a great deal of pressure.

I wanted to scream, but the heaviness in my throat was obstructing my ability to do so. I'm looking for someone to hang onto, and I know someone who can help. I'm sure he'd hold me, but I can't rely on his hands. I can't make him drown in the same sea as me if I cause him too much trouble.

If that's what they want for me, what do you think? What should I do with the dream I have for myself?

[witty-me]

Elle Reve

Those constellations in the sky that I always admire. The night sky I always look upon. The moon who leads my way to the end of my journey. And the empty road I am walking to. I am running away from the reality and built a fantasy where I am happy thinking that things I want were mine.

It was always the empty road, endless time and the night sky. I am still standing here in the middle of the forest asking the Deity of Time to bring back the hidden memories. Still asking the heavens for me to walk in time. I can't bring myself to walk forward at the end of the flower road without thinking that you're not here. I can't seem to end my journey without you holding on to me.

For the brightest night sky, I will leave my broken heart. For the darkness of the forest I shall leave my lost soul. For I will move forward wanting to see the blue sky that I admired from afar, the brightest sun who warms my heart and let the constellations in the sky fade and let clouds replace them.

I will wait at the end of the road. Just like the butterfly who will freely spread its wings and the eagle who is the symbol of freedom. I want to free my wings and write my heart out. For I am a child who is once a lost soul but I will find my way out, I will find the end of the dark road.

[witty-me]

Sunshine

I always remind myself to be the sunshine of everyone. I always remind myself to let people see the happy side of me so I won't be a burden to them. Little did I know, i am already pretending. Pretending to be that someone far from who I am really. I am an extrovert person, friendly, jolly and loud person. But I can't express myself easily because I can't let them see me sad nor crying. I want them to look at me as their only light even in their darkest days.

But just like any other light, my light also fades. Others may not see it since it is a bright light but I can feel it. I always save others from drowning and pull them upwards, but why can't I do it on myself? Why can't I pull myself upwards and fight the raging waves? I advice people to lean on me whenever they need a shoulder and ears to listen. But why can't I tell them that I also need ears and shoulders? Am I weak and coward?

I also want to see the light that they see on me. I want to find my way out of this dark and empty forest. I want the rain to stop and let the sun shine. I want somebody to hold my hands tight and pull me upwards. Am I a burden?

Sorry if I can't give you enough light. I can't give you enough water for you to grow, for now. I can't give you enough sunshine. I am also losing my light. And I should save myself first to be able to save you. We can't drown together on the same sea. Hold on tight please. Don't let go. Let me gather my energy first then I'll give you everything.

After that, let me be your sunshine again. Can I?

[witty-me]

Pangarap

~Whenever I see girls and boys selling lanterns on the streets. I remember the child in a manger as sleep. Whenever there are people giving gifts exchanging cards. I believe that Christmas is truly in our hearts.~ 

Lamig ng hangin ang unang sumalubong sa akin sa paglabas ko ng aming tahanan. Yakap-yakap ang sarili at napatitig nalang sa langit. Ganda ng bituin at laki ng buwan ang tanging ilaw sa labas. Alas-dose na ng madaling araw, oras na sana hindi ganitong itsura ang aking makikita. 

Dilim ng ilaw sa kapitbahay at ang pundidong ilaw ng kanto. Ang dating kalsada na puno ng tao ay biglang naglaho. Ang langit na dating punong-puno ng makukulay na fireworks ay unti-unting nawawala. Ang mga batang nagtatakbuhan hawak ang kanilang mga luces. Ang mga dalagang hawak ang mga liham at nagaabutan. Ang mga matatandang nagaayos ng mahabang lamesang nakalagay sa gitna ng kalsada na aming pagsasaluhan. 

Ngunit, andito ako ngayon nakatayo sa kalsadang dating punong-puno ng tao. Luha ang dala at hindi ang lechong iniluto pa ni itay kaninang hapon. Dala ang mga ala-ala na hindi mawari kung babalik pa ba o sadyang iyon na ang umpisa ng paskong nakakalungkot. 

Ang kampanang tumutunog ang hindi nagbago. Dinig na dinig ang ugong nito na parang sinasabing huwag dapat kami mawalan ng pag-asa. Napa-upo nalang sa gilid ng kalsada at nakatingin sa kawalan. Ang paskong masaya at puno ng pagmamahal ay naging pasko na puno ng kalungkutan at pangamba. Ang paskong puno ng regalo at ilaw sa bahay ay naging dilim at tahimik. Ang mga belen na tanging naiayos ni inay ang tanging naiwan sa pasko. 

Ang busog sa kainan ay naging gutom. Ang lechon, spaghetti, pansit, adobo at iba pang putahe at mga bilog na prutas ay biglang naglaho.

Diyos ko, ibalik mo sana ang sigla sa mga tao. Tanggalin ang pangamba at lungkot. Ibalik ang saya sa pasko habang pinagdidiwang ang iyong kaarawan. Matapos na sana ang pandemya at hayaan mo kaming purihin ka ng buong galak.

-Isang batang musmos.

[witty-me]

Mundo

Sa kasalukuyang nangyayari sa mundo ay madaming tao ang walang magawa. Nakakatakot mahulog. Nakakatakot magmahal. Andaming paano ang tumatakbo sa aking isipan.

Ngunit ang bagay na aking ikinakatakot ay biglang nangyari. Parang butil ng ulan na biglang nagsisihulog sa langit ng walang nakakaalam. Nakakatakot. Isang ulan na kapag di ka nagdala ng payong ay magdadala ng sakit na hindi mo inaasahan. Isang sakit nakakapanghina at di mo kakayanin. Para akong isang ibon na nawalan ng pakpak at nahulog mula sa pagkakalipad. Ngunit sa pagkakataong ito ay may sumalo sa akin ginamot at hinilom ang sugat. 

Di mawari dahil andito pa din ang takot ko sa bawat araw na lumilipas. Ang takot kong baka wala ka lang ding magawa kaya ka andito sa tabi ko at hawak ang puso ko. Na baka gaya ka lang din ng iba na bibitawan ako kapag tapos na ang pandemyang sumisira sa mundo. O baka naman ginagawa mo lang ito dala ng awa na baka ako ay mapag-isa.

Andami kong paano na kahit ang salitang ‘mahal kita’ na galing sayo ay di ito matanggal. Paano kung hindi pala totoo ang nararamdaman mo? Paano kung ang pagmamahal ko sayo ay hindi mo masusuklian? Paano kung ako lang pala talaga ang nagmamahal sa ating dalawa? Paano, Paano, Paano kung di mo pala talaga ako mahal?

Lahat ng paano ay gusto kong sagutin ngunit para akong isang bulag na nangangapa at huhulaan kung ano ang aking pinanghahawakan. Para akong isang bingi na walang ibang pinapakinggan kundi ang puso kong walang ibang ginawa kundi ang magbaka sakali. Isang pilay na bata na hindi makakatayo kung walang saklay na para bang dun nakasalalay ang aking buhay.

Sa lahat ng takot ko mula sa maliit na langgam hanggang sa malalaking hayop ay ang magmahal ang pinaka lamang. Ang takot na baka mali lahat ng nararamdaman ay parang isang malaking batong bumagsak sa papel. Ngayon at iniisip ko ang iyong paglisan ay parang milyon-milyong karayom ang bumabaon sa aking puso. Parang pinira-piraso ito at hindi ako makahinga.

Sa lahat ng takot na ito ay isa lang ang masasabi ko. Mahal kita kaya nararamdaman ko ito. Masasabi kong sa giyera ng pagmamahal, talo na ako. Talong talo.

[witty-me]

ENTRY #1

So young, wild and free,

Kneeling on your bended knee,

Yet, I’m not ready.

[witty-me]

Pluma at Papel

Noong unang panahon ay sikat na sikat ang mga tula, balagtas, sanaysay, kwento at iba pang porma ng pagsusulat. Iyan ang ginamit ni Dr. Jose Rizal upang palayain ang ating bayan sa mananakop. Ang pagsusulat ang nagbigay daan sa kalayaan ng pilipinas. Iba’t ibang bayani ang tumulong sa paglilimbag at pagsusulat kaya naman nabuo ang La Solidaridad. 

Iba’t ibang porma ng pagsusulat ang nagawa ng mga manunulat na pilipino katulad ni Balagtas na naging sikat dahil sa mga mahahalimuyak at magagandang sulat na mga tula at balagtasan. Ngunit isang bagay at tanong pa din ang tumatakbo sa aking isipan.

Bakit nawawala na sa ating kultura ang paggawa ng tula? Bakit hindi na natin binibigyang halaga ang mga gawang tula ng mga pilipino? Wala ng bumabasa sa mga ito dahil wala na ito sa uso? O sadyang ang henerasyon natin ngayon ay sadyang mapagmataas na at hindi na ito pinagtutuunan ng pansin? At sadyang hindi tayo marunong bumasa at hindi na tayo marunong magpahalaga ng sariling atin?

Sa libo-libong tulang nagawa ay ni isa ay wala tayong binigyan ng pansin para sabihing maganda ito. Lahat ng tulang malalim ang tagalog ay karamihang nakakakuha ng puna na “jejemon”. Mga tulang ingles na gawa ng mga banyaga ay ating tinatangkilik na para bang ito ang pinakamagandang tula sa mundo.

Tama si Heneral Luna, tayong mga dugong pilipino ang sariling traydor ng sarili nating bayan. Siguro ngayon ay alam ko na ang nasa isip mo “Bakit ko nga ba isinusulat ito? Kung tutuusin ay halos ingles lang rin ang mga artikulong nababasa ko sa pahinang ito” Alam ko na yan. Isinusulat ko ito para kahit papaano ay hindi lamang lenggwahe ng mga ingles ang pinapahalagahan natin. Dapat mas tuunan natin ng pansin ang sariling wika upang umunlad ang ating bayan.

Tama, tayong mga bagong henerasyon ang traydor sa bayan. Kung ang mga ninuno natin ay ipinaglaban ang ating kalayaan, tayo naman ang kusang nagpapasakop sa ibang bansa. “Kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan” yan ang turan ni Rizal bago sya namatay. Ngunit paano magiging pag-asa ng bayan ang mga kabataan kung hindi sila marunong maghawak ng pluma at papel, magsulat ng tula sa sariling wika? Namali ata si Rizal sa nabanggit nya. Hinding hindi magiging pag-asa ng bayan ang mga kabataan. Dahil ang kabataan ang mismong sumisira sa bayan.

Ang kabataan pa na pag-asa ng bayan na tinutukoy ni Rizal ay ang kabataan na nagdro-droga? Gumagawa ng kung ano-anong bagay na hindi nakakaaya? Hindi sa ibinababa ko ang mga pilipinong kabataan, isa ako sa kanila, ngunit hindi magiging pag-asa ng bayan ang isang taong rason ng pagbagsak ng ating ekonomiya. Mas lalong hindi pag-asa ng bayan ang isang kabataang walang ibang ginawa kundi ang tumakas sa klase para lang matakasan ang responsibilidad bilang estudyante.

Ang mga pluma ay nanunuyo na sa kakahanap ng tamang tao upang humawak nito at magsulat ulit ng panibagong kwento, sa papel na halos mawala na ang bawat linya sa tagal na walang nagsusulat rito. Sana sa panahon ngayong ng pandemya ay mayroong isang taong tatayo para ipaglaban ang karapatang pantao na ngayon ay isinusulong sa senado, ipaglaban ang kalusugan ng mamamayan at ipaglaban ang boses ng kabataan at ng iba pang miyembro ng bayan. Iyan lamang ang kinakailangan upang maitaguyod muli natin ang ginahwa ng isang malayang bayan. Iyan lang rin ang hinihintay upang umunlad muli ang ekonomiya ng ating bansa.

Sana nga, kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan. Sana nga matupad natin ang salita ni Rizal bago sya binawian ng buhay. Sana hindi lang kabataan ngunit buong mamamayang pilipino ang pag-asa ng ating bayan. Iyan lamang ang panawagan ng isang labing-apat na taong gulang na bata na walang boses upang masabi ito dahil wala pa akong karapatan.

[witty-me]

Deja Vu

Madaming kwento ang Lola Basyang ko. Ikinekwento nya lahat ng naging karanasan nya sa akin. Simula noong bata ako hanggang ngayon na matanda na ako ay narinig ko na halos lahat ng nangyari kay Lola. Pero ang isang kwento nya ang hinding-hindi ko inasahan na mangyayari sa akin.

Naka-upo sya sa silyon habang nananahi ng panibagong bandana (scarf) para sa paparating na taglamig. Habang ako naman ay nakaupo sa kamay ng silyon nya at nanonood ng balita sa telebisyon. Makikita sa balita ang mga taong pilit na ipinapasok sa sasakyan ng mga pulis dahil may ginawa silang kamalian. Kamalian nga ba? Sila nga ba ang may gawa? Ganito ngayon, ikukulong ka kahit walang permiso na nakasulat para i-aresto ka. Nakakatakot dahil lumalabag ang gawaing ito sa karapatang pantao.

Habang nanonood ay gulat akong napatingin kay Lola ng bigla syang nagsalita habang nananahi pa din at nagumpisang magkwento.

“Nobyembre ng panahong 1*** nang biglang magbago ang takbo ng politika. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari at nasakop nanaman tayo. Anong ginagawa ng mga naka-upo sa pwesto at bakit magiging terorista nanaman tayo sa sarili nating bayan. Hindi ko alam ang nangyayari noon dahil siguro nasa murang edad palang ako pero naalala ko ang sarili kong sumisigaw sa harapan ng opisina ng presidente at paulit-ulit binabanggit ang mga katanungan sa aking isip kagaya ng “PAGOD NA KAMING MAGING TERORISTA SA SARILI NAMING BAYAN! BAKIT HINAYAAN MONG MASAKOP NANAMAN TAYO?! HAHAYAAN MO NANAMAN NA DAAN-DAANG PILIPINO NANAMAN ANG LALABAN SA KANI-KANILANG KARAPATAN AT MAMAMATAY LANG RIN NG HINDI PINAPAKINGGAN?!” ilan lamang yan sa mga isinisigaw ko noon.” kwento nya habang nananahi pa din at parang normal nalang ito sa kanya na ikwento ito.

“Namatay ang itay ko nang nakaraang nasakop kami at bata ako non. At ang huling salita nya sa akin ay protektahan ko ang aming pamilya dahil ako ang panganay at kailangan kong ipaglaban ang karapatan ng mga tao hanggat kaya ko, kagaya ng ginawa nya. At ang pagsigaw sa harapan ng opisina ng presidente ang tanging naiisip ko. Kita ko ang paglabas ng galit na presidente sa balkonahe ng opisina nya at ang dilim ng titig nya sa akin. Kitang kita ko pa kung paano nya iminuwestra ang kamay nya sa mga sundalo upang ipahuli ako. Doon ko nakilala ang traydor sasariling bayan. Ang pinaka-duwag na tao dahil nasisindak sya sa pananakot ng ibang bansa. Pero sa panahon nating ngayon ay nakilala ko ang isang sakim sa pwesto.” kita ko ang luha na nangingilid sa mga mata nya.

“Habang hinihimas ang rehas ay kita ko ang isang taong nakatingin sa akin habang may luha ang kanyang mga mata. Si Lola Teodora. Kagaya mo, sa kanya din ako napunta ng pumanaw si itay at inay. Kitang kita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata nya dahil nakita nya ang apo nyang humihimas ng rehas. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko yon na tama ang ginawa ko. Tama ang desisyon ko dahil pagkatapos non ay natauhan ang mga tao at lumaban ulit hanggang maupos ang kaduwagan ng mga nasa pwesto at natapos ang trahedyang pananakop. Napatalsik ang presidente nang mga panahong iyon. Di ko alam na mauulit pala ulit ito ngayon. Kaya ikaw apo, kung alam mong nasa tama ka ipaglaban mo pero ayaw kong maranasan ang naranasan ni Lola Teodora na nakatingin sa apo kong nasa loob ng rehas.” tumayo sya at hinalikan ang noo ko gaya ng lagi nyang ginagawa. “Matutulog na ako, matulog ka na din mamaya.” 

Iyan ang kwento nya sa akin limang buwan na ang nakakalipas. Ngunit isang bagay ang di ko nagawa ang huling sinabi nya. Dahil sa kasalukuyan ay kita ko ang isang bagay na nakita nya. Ang isang malungkot na mata na nakatingin sa akin habang hawak ko ang malamig na bakal na nasa pagitan namin. Anim na araw pagkatapos nyang ikwento sa akin iyon ay nahanap ko nalang ang sarili kong tumatakbo habang hinahabol ng pulis dahil nahanap nila ang tao sa likod ng mga artikulo tungkol sa politikang umaalingasaw sa baho. 

‘Kagaya ng sabi mo gagawin ko ang sa tingin ko ang tama. Pero hindi sa ganitong paraan ko gustong iwan ka. Sana maintindihan mong lumaban lang ako para sa karapatang pantao. Lola, mahal na mahal kita. ‘

Kitang kita kong hawak ni Lola ang papel sa kanyang dibdib. Pinikit ko na ang mga mata ko habang unti-unti kong naramdaman ang huling hiningang mailalabas ko sa mundong ito. Sa pagtago ng bala sa aking dibdib ay pinilit kong dumilat upang tignan si Lola na pinipigilan ng mga kalalakihan sa paglapit sa akin. Napangiti ako ng makita ko ang sinag ng araw habang paunti-unting napapapikit ang mga mata ko. Mamamatay akong naipaglaban ang ating bayan. Nasa mga taong magbabasa ng artikulo ko ang magdedesisyon kung itutuloy nila ang labang inumpisahan ko o hinde. 

[witty-me]

Untold Story

Ever since, that scene became my nightmare. I became afraid to people being close. I was scared walking at night. I became paranoid. Why of all women, why me?

It was all f*cking 8 years ago. But I still remember how that man touched me from my chest up to my f*cking pearl. I still also remember how I want to push him to get off of me but my strength is fading off. It is still all in my head. And still crying while in front of the mirror. Asking myself, why?

It was 8 years ago yet, my parents didn’t know it happened. I kept the incident to myself. I don’t like being judged because of what happened. They will say that its because of what I wore that time or because I seduced that man. But being honest, it was neither of the two.

It was Tuesday night of the third week of May eight years ago. I was walking in the cold streets of La Verde. Wearing my everyday get up -long skirt with a one-fourth sleeve blouse with my sweater. Nothing seductive on what I wear. This had been my everyday get up going to school. It was night that time and it was an empty street. 

I thought I was safe that time. I didn’t know that someone was walking behind me. I can say that his steps are very careful since I didn’t hear it. I figured it out when I was already in the no-house-part of the street. I did a walk-run so I can escape from him but it was too late. He pulled me to the abandoned lot nearby and forced me to lie on grass. I was screaming my lungs out while crying and pushing him but he is to strong than I am.

I can’t do anything I still tried pushing him and screaming for help but no one rescued me. I was being tortured and raped and no one was there to help me. I know, at a time like that is not how decent teen go home. I stayed up that night for preparation for the exam I need to take the next day. Little did I know that this is going to happen. If I was sort of a f*cking future teller, I would know and didn’t went home that late.

It is not because of what I wear. It is because of that sinful thing between his thighs. They said that “men have needs”, but not all women can give them what they want. That became a trauma for me. I became aloof to people after that incident. Even my parents that doesn’t know anything, became doubtful on how I interact to people.

And I was reading those comments about rape-victims being judged like it was their fault why they were rape, it was like my heart was stabbed million times. They said that we just want attention and pity. They said it was because of what we wear. Those short-shorts, spaghetti straps and revealing clothes. But it wasn’t. I was raped with a conservative clothes yet, still it happened.

Stop discriminating rape-victims. You are judging them without knowing the story behind their experience. Your judgments are the reason why they are afraid to tell that they were raped. It scares them that they would receive disgust and disapproval to other people. Comfort and understand rape-victims. And put rapists behind bars,

ctto of the pic.

*my stories are not real life stories. It is always based on experience of victims or other people. It is based on how I understand the issues. I am raising awareness NO TO RAPE

[witty-me]

The Love We Never Had

Every ups and downs we have, we stayed together. Every hard challenges we encountered in our relationship, we are getting stronger. And every words and action you make, I am falling harder everyday.

Many people says that we are going to be apart soon. They said that our love is weak but little did they know that our love is stronger as what the seem. Our parents didn’t believe when we told them we are together. You are my childhood sweetheart and I want this relationship to last forever.

We held hands and run together every time the world is turning its back on us. We didn’t bother to care what will others think about our relationship being “toxic”. We didn’t listen to our parents when they tried to pull us apart. That, is how strong we are.

And now, walking in the aisle makes me cry. Seeing you in a gray tuxedo and being handsome makes me cry. Seeing you cry in front makes me want run into your arms and say how I love you. Of all people you know that you are the man of my dreams, but why? Why are you not the man who will bring me in the altar?

He’s standing there, being the Best Man of my wedding. He is crying while tapping his brother’s shoulder. I want to run away and say that I don’t love that man in white tuxedo. I want to tell everyone that you are my soul, my love, my everything. But I am to coward and stupid that I kept on walking until I reached your brother. When I hugged you, I want to scream at you and say “Why didn’t you fight for our love?” But then, I realized, I also didn’t fight for our love because I was to afraid that I accepted the wedding.

Babe, if you are reading this. I am very much sorry. But now seeing you happy with your own family makes me regret what I did. I didn’t fight for love then. If I did, I would be that lady who walks down the aisle going to you in the altar in the day of your wedding. But we are both happy now. Always remember it is me who didn’t fight. It is me who is always at fault. I am very sorry that we aren’t able to make all our promises in the past. 

Always remember that the love I felt when I am with you is different for the love I feel to your brother. There is always that one piece that your brother can’t give me that only you can give. That is the “Sincerity”. Your brother and I both know that the love we have is not sincere. Also remember that you are my first love and no one can replace you. I love you from the bottom of my heart. Hoping that you are happy. 

ctto of the photo

[witty-me]

What others can't see

Many people were asking me if I have a mental disorder, if I am crazy or do I have something on my mind that makes me look weird. Everyone knows what happened to me a year ago. A year ago, I was admitted to a mental hospital in the city. If you are admitted in that kind of hospital people would think you are crazy or you have a mental disorder which they think leads to a bad physical behaviour.

But my case is different. I am not crazy, I am not harmful. I maybe look weird since I have eyebags that surrounded my eyes, my dry face that makes me look old but all that in my face has its reason. I am suffering from Depression together with Insomnia.

I stayed in the hospital for almost 9 months i think before I regained my energy and cured my illness. For that almost 9 months that I have been there, only the hospital bed and the IV drops are my companion. There is a window near my bed but what's the use looking at the outside world who always judge someone like me.

Everytime I cry, my pillow would always catch my tears and wipe them. Everytime I go crazy, I shout and pull the IV connected in my hands, the nurse would always be there and put the thing on my hand again. If you would ask if I thought of killing myself inside that hospital, I would answer "many times". I always think of that, I always want to end my life since it became useless when everybody left me. But everytime I think of killing myself, there would always a thing that pop-up in my head and makes me stop from doing it. And that is my future.

My life outside the hospital. My future after this struggle. That would always pop-up in my mind everytime I want to kill myself. For the last time I want to be happy. I want to die happy. That is what I want.

That is the reason why I let myself be cured from the wounds of the past and move on for my life outside this place. A beautiful life that I always want to live in. But that didn't happen.

After I was released a year ago, people would see me as a weird person, a crazy person. Its already been a year, yet, people would still look at me like I am an ill person with a mental illness. That is why I am standing here near the window of my room looking at the view I always hate. The view of the outside world. Yes, a year ago I was released in the hospital because the thought of my "future-self outside". But 3 months ago, I was admitted again here in the mental hospital because I have Depression, again. Because the future I want is not the future I felt. It was different. I thought that people would accept me but its the other way around. I accepted the people but the people judged me because I look crazy for them. And that is how I ended up dying in the hospital when I turned 50. I have been there for 30 years. Nothing changed, except the fact that I also suffered Paranoia. I became paranoid and would think everyone would always talk at my back and judge me. And that is my life. I didn't die happy like I wanted it to be. I died depressed.

I am writing this to raise awareness that mental health is not a joke. It may be a joke to you but for others it is a knife to them. Don't judge other people because of their experience. Don't judge them for they have imperfection that is not suitable for the society to see. Everyone has their own flaw and imperfection, you don't need to point it out. You need to respect everyone. Respect begets respect.

[witty-me]

The Role Play World

Role play world- a world wherein you use a different name, different gender if you want. Meeting new people that is unknown to you.

But for me, RPW is an escape for my cruel reality. It is a temporary world with temporary friends. Meeting a group of people who cares for you made me decide that I will only leave them for one reason -if they will leave me.

Meeting them feels like euphoric. Talking to them feels like I am loved. I am one hell of a lucky girl. Those friends you can rely even outside the SITIO. Yes, SITIO that is what our GC called. They are the ones who found my lost soul. The soul that entered in this world full of unknown people. I may not know them in the Real World but still they gave me a chance to feel how is it when you have friends you can rely to.

I wanna thank them for making me happy. I wanna give them something that they will treasure and remember me. Someday, I want to tell my grandchildren a story. A story that the main characters are them.

"Once upon a time, there was a lost and wounded princess in the woods named Reigan. She isn't like the princess in the story books that is pretty and has a prince charming. She is just a simple princess escaping the cruel palace. As she walks in the woods finding a place where she can hide. She found a door that is placed in an old tree. She opened the old door and saw a beautiful place. Full of masked people.

They welcomed her with a warm "Wetcum" banner. Yeah, they are that kind. (<- Insert sarcasm here) She was happy seeing a wonderful place like that. And it was the BARANGAY SITIO 101 STREET. At first she was shy making friends and make noise to the sitio since she is a new member. But as people grow numbers inside that place it made her comfortable and happy.

The princess realized that she doesn't want to go back to the cruel palace anymore. She decided that she will only leave that place if everyone will leave her. She made new friends who she can chitchat with her problems inside the palace. How she feels not having a friend and the reason why she ran from home. Because her prince found a new lover and broke her heart.

They where happy playing 10 lives everynight and giving consequences to the loser. (HAHAHAHAHA di funny manalo) Not until a strong storm paved the whole Sitio. Princess Reigan was sleeping that time. And 2 persons she treasured left the Sitio leaving her clueless. Her Kapitan and her baby Ari left without saying a word. Reigan was so sad at the moment thinking that she lost again 2 of her friends.

But Mayora came to rescue them. She found a new place where they can live again BARANGAY SITIO 102 STREET. They became happy after what happened since Kapitan and Baby Ari cameback. The Sitio became the happiest Barangay that time. Not until a fuming Robin Hood came and took their Hash away. They where mad and attacked the retarded Robin Hood until Robin Hood lose her breath. Robin Hood died and their baby Hash cameback. After that day Reigan was happy because the Sitio members where complete again.

That night Princess Reigan saw a shooting star. She closed her eyes and wished. "I wish the Sitio will have more memories to write on their own page of their books. I wish that they will be forever happy. I wish that there will be no more sad member. And last I wish that the Sitio will live until forever." She opened her eyes and smile at the view. A view of people happily laughing while playing. A view that she will never get tired of looking. Sitio's happiness is Reigan's happiness.

And they all lived happily ever after. THE END."

Princess Reigan may not have a prince charming in the story but atleast she ended up happy with her friends. That is how I will tell the story on how I met the craziest people I know.

-Ctto of the pic

[witty-me]

Hats, Party, and Cakes

Waking in the morning is hard for me but for today? Na-ah. I woke up early in the morning checking my social media hoping that someone might remember what day is to day. But unfortunately there is none. No greetings, no chats, there is none.

I still kept my smile hoping that maybe they'll greet me later since its so early they might still walking on their dreamlands. I was happy when my parents greeted me as I walk out of my room. They were waiting outside the room. They aren't holding cakes and balloons but those smiles they have made me happy.

Afternoon came and still no signs of greeting in my social media account. Opening our group chat made me want to cry, it isn't the GC I want to see. They are happy, my friends are happy, it feels like they don't know that it is my special day. Seeing them happily talking to each other made my shoulder drop. The happy smile I kept since morning became a sad smile. Those hopes I have, faded. Every year, same scenario but I'm still not used to it.

I am still the person who is only visible to them in time of needs. Still the quiet child sitting beside them scared being left out in the society. I am just a shadow that they will use against their enemies. An asset in times of war. And a shield so they won't die.

"Happy Birthday to me" that's the only words that came out from my mouth while looking at the screen of my phone. Seeing them happy makes me happy. I have no right to take that happiness away from them. I have no right to demand a greeting from them. And most specially, I am only a ghost they can't see. Happy birthday to me, may all my wish come true.

[witty-me]

Mahal Kita

May dalawang salita na minsan ko ng sinubukang gamitin. Mga salitang ginagamit ko para iparamdam sa mga tao na mahalaga sila sa akin. Mga salitang di man lang nagamit sa mga magulang ko. At ang salitang unang beses kong sasabihin sayo.

Ilang beses na nga bang inulit-ulit isulat ang natatanging liham para sa kanya? Dalawa? Tatlong beses? Hindi ko mawari ang mga tamang salitang gagamitin. Hindi ko alam kung kanino at saang bagay ako magpapasalamat. Mga papel na nasayang dahil sa mga salitang di kaaya ayang ilagay. Paano nga ba sasabihin sayo ang munting pag-amin ko sa nararamdaman ko sayo? Uumpisahan ko ba sa mga rason kung bakit mo napatibok ang puso ko?

Nagugulo naa ang isip ko. Ano nga ba ang tamang salita para masabi ko sayo ng diretso at walang paligoy-ligoy pa. Hindi naman ako isang babaeng makata na kayang magsulat ng liham na kay haba-haba na punong-puno ng mabubulaklak na salita. Di ako kagaya ng ibang babaeng susulat ng liham para sa mahal nila. Ngunit andito pa rin ako hawak ang lapis at papel na gagamitin para mapamahal ka din sa akin.

Ngunit di inakala na sa aking pag-iisip ay maisusulat kong muli ang dalawang salita na hindi lo na sinasabi sa takot na magkakamali nanaman ako ng taong pipiliin. Pero sa pagkakataong ito napangiti ako dahil sa naisulat ko. Aanhin ko nga ba ang mabubulaklak na salita, anv mahahabang liham patungkol sayo? Kung pwede namang ideretso nalang gamit ang dalawang salitang nakasulat sa papel ang nararamdaman ko sayo. "MAHAL KITA" iyan ang mga salitang nakasulat sa papel na pilit kong burahin ngunit hindi mabura. Siguro nga ito na ang tamang pagkakataon para gamitin ulit at baka maging akin ka na ng tuluyan.

Mahal kita. Dalawang salita pero madaming ibig sabihin. Dalawang salita na madaming ibig iparamdam. At yun ang sasabihin ko sayo. Dahil yon ang nararamdaman ko.

[witty-me]

EARLY PREGNANCY

If we would talk about early pregnancy issues I would be one of those people who are against of this kind of issue. But we could not blame them having a child at an early age. If we would see through it, there are hidden reasons, agendas, secrets and it is due to curiousity. Others may see it as an hindrance to the young mother but for them their child would be their inspiration to be successful for them to provide a better future for their child.

It is so nice to see a young mother being successful despite being criticize due to early pregnancy. And also those young mothers who are still trying their best to reach their dream.

Seeing a young pregnant woman, there would always 2 words that would pop-up into your mind: "malandi" at "marupok". Despite of those hurtful words there always a mother whose willing to protect her child at all cost. Being a young mother is not easy thinking that there so many responsibilities to do.

I am proud to see a mother caring for her child while studying. Seeing them grabbing the chance to be successful and thinking that their child is not hindrance for them to reach their goal. Seeing them close their ears everytime they would hear others saying foul words against them.

I am writing this one not to encourage young people out there to do it. I am writing this for the world to see that not all young mother out there are irresponsible and unsuccessful. There reasons behind this kind of issue.

[witty-me]

CRIES FOR THE GOVERNMENT

We seek for help, we seek for attention and we want you to listen to us. What is happening to our world nowadays? Are we still blinded and we can't see the cries of everybody? Or we are just acting blind so our country would benefit but not our people?

The Novel Coronavirus that is spreading throughout the world. A virus that is caused by the animals that is transferred to humans. We must prevent the virus because it is too deadly. The country must ban the travel to China if needed. We already have one positive case of nCoV here in the country and we don't want it to spread and let our people be affected. If you care for your people you would have used your power to protect them. And not using your power for your own benefit. Yes, they can help us but it is the safety of our countrymen we are talking about here. The sake of our people. We should also learn to defend our selves. We must take action and be very considerate to the cries of our people. We are entitled to be hospitable individuals, yes, but we can't be hospitable if we will risk our own health and life. The government should take action. They should help us and listen to our suggestions. This issue is not a joke. This will lead us to a very dangerous and deadly result if we are still not going to seek for our government.

Help the world. Help the people. Seek for the government's attention.

[witty-me]

The lost soul

It was a cold and peaceful night for others but not for her. Writing on a pad paper under a lamp on her table, a letter for her mom and dad. Across her window is a view of the full moon shining brightly. She prepared everything she needed. Clothes are packed neatly inside the bags. The bed is neatly fixed, pillows are in the right place and the blanket is tightly hugging the bed. A sob from the girl writing the note is the only sound you can hear inside the almost empty room. As the girl finished writing the letter, she went to the window and stared outside. Holding a family picture in her right hand and a rope on her left hand. She was asking herself if it is the right decision. If the pain will go away if she continues with it.

Outside her room was her parents talking to her one and only friend on the phone. Telling her the plan she had on her mind. After the phone call, they rushed into her room. But it was too late, they saw their daughter hanging in her room facing the window. Her mom kneeled in despair and her dad rushing to get her down. They saw how she held tightly onto the family picture. The picture was taken 3 months ago, on her 18th birthday. As her mom reached for her she noticed a letter in her bedside table, it was the note she wrote.

"Dear mom and dad,

Sorry, I can't hold it anymore. As the days pass, the more pain I feel from the unfair society. I fought against the monsters in my head but no one was beside me. I didn't have anyone for motivation. Mom, please don't blame yourself for what I have done. It's not your fault. It's no ones fault. I'm sorry.

Your daughter."

Her mom read the letter out loud and weary. Her dad was embracing her with tears in his eyes. "Oh child, please, wake me up and tell me it's just a dream. Please." Her mom pleaded while holding her daughters face with trembling hands.

After 9 days of wake, they decided to bury their daughter. Infront of the line was her mother, father and her bestfriend crying. Her bestfriend is holding a box full of letters. Letters of her sacrifices and pains. After the burial, they decided to burn the box to forget how their daughter and dear friend suffered to fight the monsters. She died because of depression, she did fight but she was all alone. She decided to take her life to stop the grief she feels everytime the society is being unfair to her.