whateveryou-wouldcall-it

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

All I want

Is proof that

I’m on your mind

All the time

That you think

About me

To the point

Where it borders

On insanity

#j posts

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

I have had people come and go in my life, and I miss each and every one of them.

Some I miss because they left and we lost touch. Those are the ones I fondly remember and reminisce about fondly.

Some I miss because we aren’t currently together. Having to rely on virtually interacting takes deliberate effort but ultimately it’s worth it to keep the connection flourishing.

A few I miss because of how things used to be. Before… well. Just before. The unknown eats me up inside.

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

Feeling hopelessly romantic this Valentine’s 🥰

#super bowl

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST I CANNOT GO BACK TO !!!!!! anyways

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

I always thought that the ultimate cause of a broken heart was because of words so sharp they pierce the depths of your soul. Now I know, that real heartbreak stems from silence.; from the goodbyes never uttered, cheek kisses never shared, and hugs never felt. These are the ingredients of a broken heart, a heart broken beyond repair.

Excerpts from the book I’ll never write #405

17/4/2022

10:25 pm- Dear Pa.

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

To the person reading this, I hope tonight treats you gently, and that tomorrow looks brighter. 

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

i think the only reason i get nervous about advice that goes along the lines of “never fight to be in anyone’s life, if they value u they’ll keep u around” is because it can very easily cross over into the territory of not putting in effort. you need to put effort into meaningful relationships always, just as you’d expect someone else to also put effort into your relationship. if you’re giving your all & the other person isn’t reciprocating, that’s when you realize your worth & start gatekeeping your energy. but context matters a lot. like a lot

be the friend you want to be, then go from there. don’t blindly follow advice that basically absolves you of self-reflection where it’s needed. that just gives off main character syndrome tbh

#I love the nuance this adds #like yeah it’s easy to walk away #but oftentimes I don’t want to #or I know it’s just bc the other person is giving as much energy as they can #but then some times it truly is just time to let go and respect that the other person has set their boundaries #I just wish I was explicitly told before they slammed the door shut and disappeared #pretty much all of my other past friendships are just open doors that haven’t been visited in a long time by either of us #so it really hurts that this person did that

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

There's a saying in arabic "يا ريت انا ولا انت" which translates to "I wish it were me not you" and you say it to the ones you love when they're unwell. Its like....I love you so much that I'd rather be in pain than watch you suffer. And I think thats beautiful.

– Via "raniareflects" on Tumblr

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

Flowering Garden (1888) By "Vincent Van Gogh"

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

(via violentwavesofemotion)

#I felt this

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

Sensation

Your warmth

My lips on your neck

The small sigh you make

I did that

You’re mine

#j posts

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

Just when I think there’s nothing more

I still see something new

Change over time

This new swell of affection

Bursts through

Like a volcano spewing into the atmosphere

And I’m blanketed by all I feel for you

#j posts

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

Sometimes I think I’m over it. Then I remember random things that represented how close we were.

Being invited to your future wedding.

Talking about how our future children would get along.

Late night conversations about random topics.

Being told you love me on drunken nights.

It hurts.

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

I just saw a post that was like “everything is ghosts but ghosts are love” so here some musings

In a way, I have a ghost of my partner. There in the back of my mind. Present and watching. Contributing to my thoughts. A spectator but also a contributor.

Friends I’ve lost are ghosts. In the more traditional sense. I’m haunted and hurt by the loss. The lack of the connection that was there. The absence is loud.

I am a patchwork of everyone I’ve ever met. Some have ripped chunks out of me. Others have been able to patch me up. I become a larger work with someone else. We help cover each other.

Memories creates ghosts. The people behind the memories have their own lives. But there will always be a part patched on me.

To explain ghosts are love. The love creating the ghost can be self love. It can be love for my past self. It can be love for that person. It can be acknowledgment of their love. It can be a messy twisted complicated love that barely resembles it’s original state. A dying smothered love. A quiet dried love. A beating vibrant love. A raging passionate love.

These ghosts may never rest.

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

loooooove how in Tha Real World lotsa mistakes dont have consequences. whoops, booked the wrong item! time to just... remove it from the list and book the right one! whoops, sent an email when i should've called! got a mail response that everything's fine but i should please call next time! whoops, lost my passport! gotta go get a new one at the civil office!

like it does not matterrrrrrr so many fuck ups can just be fixed with only the cost of time. fuckin school test mentality is a scrouge upon the earth and upon mental health. most mistakes can always be righted, and after that you just move on with your life. who give a shit

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

More on my love, but prose instead of poem

I like ocean metaphors. I like our special pet names. They connect and resonate with us.

You feel like home. I can’t get enough. The longing is what stories gush about, I’m sure.

We had our own mannerisms. We have our mannerisms. It’s such a close connection.

The fact that we exist together is a miracle. I’m glad we can see the same stars and breathe the same air.

#j posts

[whateveryou-wouldcall-it]

i cannot even begin to emphasize how romantic signing off letters or postcards with “always yours” is. like... no one ever knows if they would be together forever. we love someone with the knowledge that they might not be in our lives in the future. we know we could fall apart. we still write “always yours”, because we mean to say, “hey, i know you might not be in my life forever, but you will have a part of me still. a part of me will be always yours to keep.” i need a moment

#reminders