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Walk it OFF!

Note to self: Never go to fast food restaurants during mental health days NEVER A GOOD IDEA now you’ve gained 20 pounds congrats!! 🥲✌️

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😣😣Every single day of my life...

Me: *does nothing*

Body dysmorphia: btw u look like this

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This but angry...all the time!

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Someone really had the nerve to comment that I’m faking and having an eating disorder because of people on tv. You don’t know my life, you don’t know my situation, you can’t just assume I’m trying to be aesthetic-y because I put a few pink pictures. Don’t assume that this shit is fun, that this is all cute butterflies and rainbow because it’s not! It hurts me everyday of my life and I can’t stop. You’ve made me feel more like shit than I have in a long time (aside from my parents) and I can’t fucking believe you would just say all this shit and not know me. I’m 18 years old, 18! You’d think if I could “just eat” I would or you think if I could just finish a meal without puking my brain out I would but I can’t I want to do those things, so I’m sorry if I offended you by trying to run my tumblr like I want to but 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

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The voice WAY in the back of my head: Try eating a regular meal and not sever eating all your food into color coded categories.

Me:

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....😞

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✨Honestly like!!!✨

Can my eating disorder either go away completely or be bad enough that I’m actually skinny

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I’m so tired all the time what’s up with that!! ☹️

I’m trying to lose as much as possible without my family finding out...

Weight right now: 119.6☹️😞

(I know I can lose more than this it’s so frustrating!)

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I hate myself...

I relapsed today, cut 6 new ones in my leg, I’ve been struggling with my anxiety and paranoia really bad these past couple of days and I’m at my wits end. I’m tired all the time and I can’t control myself anymore. I’m getting angry over little things and letting not letting my emotions out on important things. I’ve been gaining weight but eating less which I will never understand... I wanna run from everything...

Too much ranting not enough time...

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Please make me perfect...please

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

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I put it away last time it was just the popcorn and the granola bar and I forgot about it and it stopped me from eating it...hopefully it works again... 😊

Trusting my gut......

My guys telling me to go f*ck myself...🙃

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✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

I’m gonna regret this later arent I?

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

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🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

My brain every other day!

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

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I’m eating the waffles...I can feel the pieces hitting the bottom of my stomach and I hate it.

I hate it

I hate it

I hate it

I hate it

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Why did I decide to do this again?

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

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So here’s my breakfast...I know it’s like 2pm but 🤷🏽

(150 cal)

I don’t know if I should toss this and keep going with my fast or have it...

I’m 50 hours in and I hit 115.4 lb

Who knows...

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210 calories

0 cal for the Diet Coke I just drank

Ummm guess what I hit 116 lb!! I’m nowhere near where I want to be and that fucking sucks but at least I hit 116!

Hopefully no one forces me to have anything else...

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EFFY!! She’s legit my spirit animal like she’s so fucking dope!

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One of my coworkers told me she was thinner than me today...her face was proud and she loved herself for it. She was not wrong, she is thinner than me and at the forefront of my mind I hated her just a little because she made me realize how unthin I was but in the back of my mine I just wanted to be as pretty as she was, as proud as she was to say, “I’m thin” and actually mean it.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Do you think I’ll ever make it?

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

#Spotify