wastheheart

[wastheheart]

“Memories”

#;musings #;the heart (esme) — character study

[wastheheart]

the mun: d.emisexual as the day is long.

esme: is this the competition to be your k.inkiest muse, because i accept and refuse to lose.

#ooc #tbd #honestly esme if you could just tone it tf down for two seconds #like i get you've you were s.exually repressed and all but eternity is forever #we could spread these experiences out a bit

[wastheheart]

There is something about this place that has coaxed another side out from Esme. She knows it's the lack of expectations, of performance. It has been weeks since she'd mingled with her last human; Louis and Armand have helped her locate the monster she has so carefully packaged away, encouraged her to reconnect with her baser desires and indulged her in the chalice of human blood every now and then.

Guilt grips its icy fingers around her throat every so often, paralysing her with the fear of not knowing who she is, but the vampires she shares this abode with are there to pull her to safety.

His hand causes her to catch her breath, the way his nails trail across the smooth skin of her neck inviting a shiver she knows he expects.

And then he is gone, retreating to the loveseat opposite her with an expectant gaze that encourages her to start unbottoning a shirt she believes belongs to Armand.

She doesn't consider him an impatient man, but the white of his shirt leaves little to the imagination. She's braless (as she often is when not planning on leaving the house), her nipples hardened by the lingering sensation of Armand's nails.

She allows the shirt to fall to the floor, pooling around her feet like seafoam. Her skirt is secured only by a hook, eye and zip, following her shirt obediently like a new wave replacing any trace of the previous one. A coyness plays upon lightly glossed lips, eventually inviting a smirk.

"Anything else?" she purrs, her caramel curls held back by a plain claw clip just begging to be undone.

❛ you can take my clothes off for me. ❜ (for anyone you think this will work for basically? and if not feel free to ignore 💀)

esme still existed within the barrier of her experience, a secret anticipation that lingered in her body and leaked as if from a fissure, slowly, without notice.

armand noticed. he took note to everything. to the rapturous desires they coveted to the very shame that they hid with clawed hands, very little slipped past his periphery. esme, for all of the sweetness in her submission, was someone that armand was beginning to feel quite protective of. her desires simmered under her pale, soft flesh but he feels them push against his chest, into his mind: a beseeching silence that begs to be stroked.

ˊ mhh, can i? ˋ a hand outstretches to her back, running his cold palm up the back of her neck. ˊ i'd like it if you undressed yourself. for my viewing pleasure. ˋ the soft, glassy underside of the man's nails rake back down with a tender kind of touch. one that might inspire a shiver.

ˊ leave your knickers on, esme. i'll take those off at my discretion. ˋ he partially smiles, taking a few step back. until his heels hit the edge of the love seat and he can lower himself into it.

#tomedesvampires #au; undetermined #c; armand #;a girl has needs (nsfw) #these two actually sensually compliment each other so much tho??? #like she will give as good as he gets

[wastheheart]

#;musings #;land of yesterday (née platt) — character study #;the heart (esme) — character study

[wastheheart]

not me just accepting the idea that m.eyer vampires can purr. like fight me. my girl will curl into a croissant shape against the one(s) she loves and purr with contentment.

#ooc #;headcanon #you can pry this from my cold dead hands

[wastheheart]

Carlisle: “There’s nothing you can say to change the fact that I love you”

She hasn't seen Carlisle properly for weeks. He's starved himself, hungry for understanding, full of worry and concerns he's dared not utter; in his own head. Esme left him there until he was ready to leave.

Esme had done her part. She looked out for Bella, assured Edward knew she was there for him, provided support for everyone in the coven despite suffocating herself.

There was nothing but chaos—noise—and then... calm. The past month seemed nothing more than a nightmare; a newborn Bella would have you believe nothing had occurred at all, yet a cooing baby and doting auntie was proof otherwise.

After the carnage had passed, Esme believed it would ease. She listened as Bella's heart succumbed to venom, only for the ceasing of beating to be replaced by the cries of a baby. Suddenly, Esme craved the chaos once more, the sound of a child akin to nails against a blackboard to Esme's ears.

She ran until she teetered upon the edge of a cliff, the plummet a welcome but useless sight. The scream she released echoed across the valley, whispering between trees and startling flocks of birds. She screamed, even scaring the insects this time, their buzzing disappearing between rotting wood and earth. She screamed, her knees hitting rock beneath her with a view similar to that night so many years ago.

Carlisle's voice comes from seemingly nowhere. She scrambles against dirt, turning to face her husband with panicked eyes that are dark and wide.

He crouches, outstretching an arm between them to offer his hand. Esme pushes herself away, her fingers finding the edge of the cliff and limiting her escape. She could jump, it would not kill her, but she doesn't wish to run from her husband— not in that way.

Instead, she twists around so her back is against Carlisle and her legs dangle over the edge. She's defeated, she has been for weeks now. She hadn't expected Carlisle to notice, not with the responsibility thrust upon his shoulders, but here he is now, his patience ever extended to Esme.

"It's not what I could say, Carlisle, and you know it." Bitterness seeps in between words, her chest hollowed with grief she is unable to shift. "It's what I am unable to do... what I will never be able to provide for you."

The familiar stinging of tears caused her to close her eyes despite the fact she knew they would never fall. Teeth chewed painfully at the inside of her cheek, her fingernails imprinting into rock.

They had often spoken of what they believed their children would look like; what they would name their kids and how loved they would be. The blow of knowing both wanted a family in the traditional sense was softened only by the physical inability to achieve it. That was until Renesmee's existence.

Esme sees that woman in the hospital gown so many years ago, defeated— an inability to have a body that works. She failed her baby and now her body fails at providing for Carlisle what they both wish they could have.

"When things are broken, people tend to replace them." Her voice breaks, eyes opening to observe rows of fir trees expanding as far as the eye can see. "I will not blame you if you wish to replace me."

#answered ask #;nonnie #v; breaking dawn #thank you! #infant loss men #cw: infant loss #tw: infant loss #death men #cw: death #tw: death

[wastheheart]

@rbhvleo // roberto ferri // mothering by ainslie hogarth // rainer maria rilke // ? // planet of love by richard siken // a self portrait in letters by anne sexton // indian summer by ron hicks

#;musings #;the heart (esme) — character study

[wastheheart]

there's bravery - in being soft.

(for @wastheheart ; do not reblog unless tagged.)

#;to choose to be family is as wonderful a story as can be told (olympic coven) #c; clara “star” montgomery #pierprincess

[wastheheart]

on kindness.

@shanastoryteller // @delepiphany on pinterest // @girlmostlikely // @anotherchocolate12 on tiktok // @frogus // @xotwodstarr on pinterest

#;the heart (esme) — character study #;musings

[wastheheart]

Getting my wisdom tooth removed tomorrow, so gonna try and get responses queued up before I'm out of it and dealing with a throbbing jaw for the next few days 💀

#ooc #tbd #medical men #cw: medical #tw: medical

[wastheheart]

gestures that get me going

many of these are meant to be spicy (i've been on my horny bullshit lately LOL), but some can be used in any kind of interactions, be them fluffy, smutty, antagonistic, romantic, anything. feel free to combine prompts & change/add any pronouns/descriptor words/etc that may be useful! softer things are more towards the bottom. add '+↺' to reverse sender and receiver!

[ SHIELD ] — sender steps in front of receiver protectively [ HEADLOCK ] — sender puts receiver in a headlock from behind [ COLLAR ] — sender grabs receiver by the collar of their shirt to pull their faces close together [ TIE ] — sender grabs receiver by their tie to pull their faces close together [ HAIR ] — sender pulls receiver's head back by their hair from behind [ MOUTH ] — sender puts their palm over receiver's mouth from behind to keep them quiet [ BUCKLE ] — sender begins to undo receiver's belt buckle [ LOOP ] — sender threads their fingers into the belt loops on receiver's pants [ POCKET ] — sender sticks their fingers into the pockets of receiver's pants (bonus: specify if they're the front pockets or the back pockets) [ BUTTON ] — sender undoes the buttons of receiver's shirt [ THROAT ] — sender lightly grazes along receiver's throat from behind [ CHOKE ] — sender puts a light to moderate amount of pressure on receiver's throat from behind [ CHEST ] — sender lightly grazes along receiver's chest from behind [ SIT ] — sender gently squeezes receiver's ass when they sit on sender's lap [ TOUCH ] — sender feels up receiver's abs [ SMOOTH ] — sender gently rubs their palm along receiver's bare ass [ MASSAGE ] — sender gently rubs their palms along receiver's bare back [ RUB ] — sender gently rubs their palms along receiver's bare thighs [ FEEL ] — sender gently rubs their palm between receiver's legs [ LICK ] — sender gently licks along receiver's nipples [ EASE ] — sender encourages receiver's legs open [ PULL ] — sender pulls receiver's pants/undergarments down out of the way of their ass [ WORSHIP ] — sender kisses and licks along receiver's tattoo(s) (specify if receiver has multiple) [ RING ] — sender kisses and licks along receiver's piercing(s) (specify if receiver has multiple) [ NIBBLE ] — sender nibbles against the shell/lobe of receiver's ear [ BITE ] — sender gently bites down on receiver's lower lip as they kiss [ SMOOCH ] — sender presses gentle kisses down the back of receiver's neck [ KISS ] — sender presses a bunch of little kisses along receiver's face [ GRAB ] — sender playfully squeezes some stray pudge on receiver's belly [ PLAY ] — sender playfully squeezes some stray pudge on receiver's thigh [ POKE ] — sender grabs onto receiver's love handles [ LIE ] — sender rests their head on receiver's chest to hear their heartbeat [ LINK ] — sender hooks their pinkie with receiver's [ REST ] — sender rests their chin on receiver's shoulder from behind [ GAME ] — sender traces lines to connect receiver's moles/other body marks into a bigger shape [ COVER ] — sender covers receiver's eyes from behind before removing them to reveal a big surprise [ WRITE ] — sender writes 'i love you' with their finger on an exposed part of receiver's skin (bonus: specify where)

#meme #;a girl has needs (nsfw)

[wastheheart]

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS (2016) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

please don't say that. i don't want to be like my mother.

do you ever feel like your life has turned into something that you never intended?

that's a deal breaker for me.

we might be perfect for each other if we didn't live in the real world.

why do you always think the worst of me?

you're wrong. you and i are nothing alike.

i see we're settling for less now!

a package arrived for you. i found it in the mailbox this morning.

i'm sorry, but could you help me open this? i just cut my finger. paper cut.

in the end, you left me with the inspiration that i needed to write from the heart.

where were you last night?

by the time i left the office, i was late for my dinner.

it would have taken you fifteen minutes. fifteen minutes, and it would have meant a lot to me.

you didn't come to bed last night.

i didn't want to wake you up.

that doesn't sound like you.

are things a little better?

i'm surprised. i thought we were hiding it pretty well.

[name], i'm worried about you.

seriously, look at me. you scared me the last time that we talked.

i'm fine. i just can't believe i told you all of those things. i feel embarrassed about it.

what right do i have to not be happy? i have everything. i feel ungrateful not to be happy.

i think we just want different things. or maybe i want different things.

we get into things when we're young because we think they mean something.

do we really have to stop tonight? i'd rather just get there.

don't look at them. don't give them any reason.

sit still. they've probably got a gun.

don't get out of the car.

you're not supposed to leave the scene of an accident. it's a crime.

don't come any closer.

i'm a gemini, my favorite color is petal pink, and i like long walks and kittens.

you know what, we should call the police.

you got no fucking right to talk to me like that!

you'll get killed if you don't watch it.

may i use your phone?

could you see them in the dark?

i just wanted to hear your voice. i miss you.

you sound weird. are you okay?

you look beautiful as always.

would you like to have dinner?

you know, you were my first crush.

what a weird thing to say.

i'm sorry. i hope that doesn't offend you.

this is a ridiculous conversation. you're too young to get married.

oh my god, did you just say that? you really just said that? that came out of your mouth?

it's like the whole thing is a blur.

now listen. i've got to be honest with you. right now it's not looking good.

if i write it down, then it will last forever.

you know my name. i told you.

you didn't sleep again, did you?

who the hell are you? get off my property!

you'll take this the wrong way, but i think that you need to stop writing about yourself.

please don't start that again. it makes me feel like you don't believe in me.

you always get so fucking defensive about it.

i really wanted to be this person that you thought i was. i really did, but i'm just not that person.

you're wonderful and romantic, and sweet and sensitive, and all the things i'm not. life for you is kind of a dream.

weak. i'm weak. that's what you want to say. go ahead and say it. you've said it before. weak.

i'll live to regret this. i regret it now.

i got a certain pride in how people talk to me, and there are certain things i don't put up with.

nobody gets away with what you did.

may i get you a drink while you wait?

#starters

[wastheheart]

It's the first time since arriving here that Esme has had space to breathe. Carlisle had given her the rundown about the members of the Volturi (including their mates) but hearing about them and meeting them were two different things.

Esme had refused to give Aro her hand; the decision caused quite the stir, muttering rippling through the guard. Aro was rather nonchalant about it, but there was that look in his eye— one that assured her he wouldn't forget.

She stupidly thought their room would finally provide some respite, but as soon as Esme has perched upon the vanity chair to fix disheveled hair, Athenodora appears. Esme spots the woman's reflection first, hardly registering her company before her hands are enveloped in the those of the blonde's. Esme barely gets the chance to speak before Dora shifts again, now lounging across the chair, her other hand eagerly gesturing to the empty chair beside her.

Esme joins her with the most tentative of smiles, her eyes starkly contrasting against the red of Dora's. A nervous laugh spills from Esme's lips with the woman's comments, not sure what she can say beyond what Carlisle has already divulged. Esme doesn't particularly consider herself particularly interesting, and unlike the residents of Volterra, Esme hasn't lived long enough in this life to be. Athenodora easily has a few thousand years on Esme.

"Ah, yes, I remember," Esme replies, her fingers linking loosely together on her lap, "I apologise, I'm not very good with names, but it's a pleasure to meet you Dora." Or she hopes it is. Esme still isn't entirely sure what to make of them all. Still, Esme continues with a lingering smile, "you'll have to forgive Carlisle... it's not exactly easy to have anything to tell when his mate is, well, as plain as me."

❛  what do you need?  ❜

athenodora looks decidedly genuine as she stands in the doorway of esme's room. aro had given her and carlisle one for their stay, although athenodora knows precious little about the duration. she knew it was special, though, because this was the first time carlisle had brought esme—his mate. athenodora was instantly curious, eager to meet someone carlisle loved so much. he had taught her quite a lot in his time with them and had become her mentor in a lot of ways. however bitter she might still be about his leaving, she loves and respects him enough to honor his mate.

she'd shut the door behind her after entering—she hadn't waited for a welcome. "nothing important," dora answers before confidently walking over to esme and reaching out to grasp the other's hands inside her own as if they'd known each other forever. they weren't friends—they had met only for a few moments upon their arrival—but that doesn't bother athenodora. "i wanted to see how you were getting acquainted, and i thought you might like some company… we could get to know each other a bit."

releasing esme's hands, athenodora moves with a supernatural speed to sit on a lounge chair facing the window, the sun glinting beautifully against her blonde hair. she looks carefree here, and eager to get to know esme. "athenodora, if you don't remember… caius' mate—we only met for a moment," she says, smiling, "you can call me dora." she motions to the chair beside her, gesturing for esme to join her. "carlisle hasn't told me anything juicy about you! i do intend to have a talk with him about it."

@wastheheart

#c; athenodora volturi #sacrialege #v; undetermined #we love an overstimulated esme trying her best to play it cool #she's pleasantly surprised but overwhelmed

[wastheheart]

The only other sound between Moby's voice and the distinct hammering of rain against umbrella is the clicking of Esme's courtshoes against pavement. As much as Esme isn't one for pencil skirts and shirts, her profession demands otherwise. It's not something she's completely understood— after all, Esme would definitely prefer a more relaxed therapist as a client herself, but hey, that's dress code for you.

"I mean... it's heavy at points, yeah... but..." Esme lets her voice disappear into the pattering of rain. Every now and then she is reminded of needing the things she provides her clients, how alone she used to feel. "But I've got eternity," she tries to explain. "And it helps me feel like I'm actually being somewhat useful, you know? Maybe it's a useless desire for the immortal, but it fulfills me I suppose. Is that silly?"

"not really-- i'm already wet, sweet thing, and used to being out in this sort of weather. it's better you stay dry." granted esme was still wet too, though not as soaked as moby was, the younger would prefer to keep it that way. at least now she would have another layer of protection. moby tries to refuse the umbrella but relents, just to make sure she can keep holding it above esme's head as they walk. "it seems you are a very helpful and resourceful combination," she jests softly, keeping her voice just above the gentle patter of the rain hitting against the nylon shield. "what you are aside, doesn't it tire you, doing that all day? mentally, emotionally?" moby hasn't known esme long, but knew she was a terribly empathic creature in the loveliest way. listening and tending to others' woes all day, every day --especially humans'-- couldn't have been easy.

#carnivorare #c; moby #v; undetermined

[wastheheart]

#;musings #;the heart (esme) — character study

[wastheheart]

low-key I think Cal and Esme would make a good couple based on the threads so far

@tapalslegacy, okay but I have been thinking this for the longest time! honestly, they would be adorable!

#ooc #tapalslegacy #i'm so glad you think the same! #answered ask

[wastheheart]

Can you write out a small scene between Emmett and Esme, when Emmett first joined the family? ❤ I think it would have been really sweet to see, especially because they're both such family-oriented people. I could imagine Emmett being so nervous at first and Esme just guiding him along through the process.

Answered here, @dreamingofimpalas! Thanks so much for the suggestion, I hope this satisfies?!

#ooc #tbd #dreamingofimpalas