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gee it's almost like one of my main symptoms is an unstable sense of identity

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person: does 1 nice thing towards me

my cluster b ass: tells everyone, wants to be their best friend, thinks abt them all the time, would basically do anything for them (and by extension more attention), assumes they have a crush on me, probably develops a crush on them in return,

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me: *dissociates for no reason at all and spends the whole day zoned out, emotionless and unable to focus*

me: this is fine

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Sketch-concepts of demons, ‘’Demonslayer’’ comics

#insp

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it’s so scary feeling like you manipulate everyone who loves you just by being Extremely Sad and them noticing it… like… im so sad a lot of the time and i dont want other people to be trapped by that sadness

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me looking at photos other people took of me: Who is this incredibly awful person? This bridge goblin? Who let this happen

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being told i was smart and above average from a young age was probably one of the worst things to happen to me because now i have a complex and question my entire existence when i dont excel at something right away

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About Executive Dysfunction; for neurotypical people

Friends, family members and loved ones of learning disabled and mentally ill people need to have a working knowledge of what Executive Dysfunction is, and respect the fact that it is a prominent feature of that person’s psychology and life.

Executive Dysfunction is best known as a symptom of autism and ADHD, but it also features in depression, anxiety disorders schizophrenia, OCD (which by the way is also an anxiety disorder), personality disorders; etc, a whole myriad of mental illnesses and disabilities can result in executive dysfunction.

Years ago when I was like 14 and had recently learned of my autism diagnosis, I watched a youtube interview between autistic people, and an autistic woman said something along these lines:

“Sometimes, a lightbulb will burn out, but I cannot change it. I have the physical capability to change the lightbulb, and I want to change the lightbulb, and I know I need to do it, but because of my autism I just don’t do it. So the lightbulb remains unchanged for weeks. Sometimes people have to change the lightbulb for me.”

When she said that I related so much, because constantly throughout my whole life I have wanted and needed to do things with my wanting and needing being akin to my spurring an extremely stubborn horse who refuses to move. For the first time I learned that I wasn’t just “lazy”, I had a condition that prevented me from doing things as easily as other people can, but unfortunately it took me years since then to understand that.

Imagine that you are a horserider, but your horse is entirely unwilling to move even if you want to move. You dig in your heels, you raise the reins, but the horse refuses to respond. Your wants and needs are the rider, and your executive functions (the parts of your mind responsible for getting things done) are the horse.

I think it’s incredibly dangerous for neurotypical loved ones to not understand, or be aware of, or respect executive dysfunction. Neurotypical can assume that we are just being lazy, careless, selfish or difficult, when in reality we want to do the thing but our brains prevent us from consistently and reliably doing the thing. That misinterpretation can lead to toxic behavior and resentment on the part of the loved one, which will harm us emotionally and do us a lot of damage gradually over time. That damage can take the form of internal self-criticism, complicating executive dysfunction even further and making it worse.

#yes this

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one of my favourite things in the entire world is when there’s a huge thunderstorm outside and it’s raining heavily and you’re in bed swathed in blankets and you have just never felt warmer and safer than you do in that moment

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Golden boys in ancient cloth. Fingers dusted with heat and hair littered with light. Horses and waxen wings: this myth ends the same whichever way you build it. Icarus turns to Phaethon, whispers— brother, we only fall. Lover, do we fall? Phaethon turns to Icarus, whispers— brother, we were born to burn. Lover, we always fall.

lovers of the light, elisabeth hewer (via asriels)

#insp

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When I miss out on some drama

Me: Tell me quickly what's the story, who saw what and why and where. Let him give a full description. Let him answer to Javert.

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Game: choose your specialization

Me: healer

Game: you have chosen UNDERPAID BABYSITTER

Me: wait-

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me: *dissociates frequently*

someone: what have you been up to?

me: dunno

me: wasn't there

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me in hell waiting for all my friends to die

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Genders been cancelled

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someone kill me