vrye08

[vrye08]

She's not perfect

Mother’s Day. As I rolled over to greet the day, I had a text from one of my best friend’s Stef. I have written about her before. Her mother passed away a few years ago and was followed days later by her father. Mother’s Day is a complicated day for her. I was expecting something different than I got. “Are you at church?”, asked Stef. “No…I’m under the covers,” replied me. “Well you should sign…

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Through her eyes

“Any one who treats me like a dying man will run the risk of pissing me off. Is that clear?” -Captain Jean Luc Picard The other week I was asked by my friend Tiffany to join her on a road trip to Madison. She as having a follow up scan after being treated for thyroid cancer. I can’t say no to a cancer run especially when it means time with her, so off we went. A little background on Tiffany…We…

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Dear Dr Fagbemi

Dear Dr Fagbemi…We’ve known each other for over a decade now and have been through quite a lot. When we first met it was for a second opinion. The hospital across the street told me not to worry about the mass I felt, that it was probably a cyst and to come back in 6 months. Instead, I made an appointment to meet you. So stern and matter of fact. So straight to the point and professional. It’s…

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[vrye08]

Cow or Buffalo?

I haven’t been sleeping well. Most nights are 2 to 3 hours max. This is normally reserved for the few days after chemo but lately it has been every night. Do I have stress in my life? Sure. Who doesn’t. More than most? I don’t think so. We can’t measure stress, grief or the storms in our lives against others. We, like our hard times are unique and how we react to them are also unique. With late…

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Immortality

Since I was a kid I always have read books, watched movies and tuned into vampire shows. I wanted to name our son Barnabas Collins. All you born after 1980 might need to reference that. The glamour, gore and romance of it all. Interview with a Vanpire, Lestat. Then came Twilight and yes I was obsessed. Team Edward on most days but man I do love me some Jasper. There is just something so magical…

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Through the Storms

The last month has felt like 2022 all over again. Without going into too much of the dirty details, radiation is the worst. The side they radiated where my hip bone is diminishing also clips my intestines. Not sure I need to say much more than that. Chris and Evan have been saints dealing with my shit…literally. Due to the side effects, I haven’t been eating much. So I am a very slim version of…

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Voice

Yesterday I had the privilege and honor to be a guest speaker for an organization that specializes in technological advancement. The department I spoke with focuses in on oncology and how to advance health data to improve the patient experience and journey. How did this happen? Just a wee bit of nepotism through my genius cousin Suzette. If the Baldwins and Hanks can do it why can’t the Krugers?…

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Dear Son

Each year on this day I whisper “stop growing up.”. This year though I’m thankful to see you reach another milestone. You are 11. Our child we were told would never come to us. Our child I was only given 5 yrs with, they thought. Yet here we are. You 11 and me almost 48. And now I want you to continue to grow, continue to tell me things about the oceans of our worlds, continue to hold your moral…

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When I Get There

There is a quote from Tomb Raider where Lara Croft asks her butler if he knows what the day is and he responds with the date. She replies that, that date is never a good day. That is March 10th for me. March is a bundle of emotions all around. I am itching for green grass and hours in my greenhouse. It’s the countdown to spring. It is the happiest month in my life as it celebrates the birth of…

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Used to be

She used to be a dancer, pirouettes on butterfly wings. She used to be a seamstress, sewing a little girl’s ballet dreams. She used to be a seamstress. My mom has always been an artist. When she wasn’t sewing all of the costumes for my ballet school, she was creating something at home. She was the best at looking at the clouds and finding the fox chasing a grasshopper. Her brain is one of the…

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Turbulence

“If you’re alive, then it means that you’re committed to survive That’s enough to drain the life from you sometimes.”-P!ink Turbulence. This is how I explained the latest news to Evan. I walked into his room and he knew. He’s been riding this plane with us long enough and we’ve always been honest with him. He looked up at be and said, “Geez, what now mom?” And that’s when I had to tell our son…

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Time

Last week I posted a video that sparked a lot of emotion. The basis of the video was what happens after we die. How over time people begin to go back to normal life. They go back to work, school, vacations…they go back to life before you left just life minus you. And the comments ranged from borderline angry at the video to sadness to agreement. Death and loss bring emotions that are all over the…

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You're Gonna Be Ok

This morning I got a message from my bluebird of happiness. She’s like coming home, like that first sip of chai tea or that favorite blanket. And she shook me out of my self imposed silence. Disclaimer…this blog will make some of you think you need to go out and buy nails for my coffin. First of all…cremation so no nails needed. Second….I am still here. We are all in line. Please don’t kill me…

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Into the Light

When I first met Chris, his niece (soon to be my niece) Brittany was just a little blond pixie with a sassy mouth and attitude. She had her uncle and anyone else that knew her wrapped around her finger. And she knew it. Over the years Brittany would come to stay with us many times. We talk of those times and most of the stories were centered around Uncle Chris and how he would scare her with…

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Merry Christmas

2022 is coming to a close. There have been highs and there have been lows. This year was especially difficult but here we are still standing. This year we’ve seen loss, births, breakdowns, laughter, and each of us have questioned “How much more can I take?” Turns out we are stronger than we ever knew we could be. In this season of hope, life and faith remember that you matter. Someone out there…

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#Youtube

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New Chapter, New Book

New Chapter, New Book

I love books. I love reading books. I love the smell of books. I even love editing books. What I don’t like is the not knowing. I have never liked surprises and I don’t like not knowing what happens. So easy fix. I read the first chapter….and then I read the last. Does Mr Darcy finally get Elizabeth? Does Edward finally turn Bella? I do the same with tv shows. I search until I know exactly who…

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Hurt or Injured?

The first half of my life I spent in leotards and pointe shoes. The smell of leather ballet slippers mixed with pixie sticks still sends me back to some of my happiest moments as a young girl. I studied with Central Wisconsin School of Ballet, the Mt Laurel Ballet Company and briefly with the Milwaukee Ballet. I dreamt in vibrant colors and fabrics of Giselle. I lived, breathed and loved dance.…

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