vihidha

[vihidha]

“ all those years just wanting to run away, i never dared to dream that i could ever feel safe. “

               vishka  never  imagined  she’d  feel  safe  either,     not  again.          ni.ght  city  isn’t  a  place  to  feel  safe  at,  it’s  a  place  to  be  deconstructed  and  consumed.     it  happens  to  everyone  eventually,  even  those  who  think  they’re  indestructible.     the  city  grows  but  people  die  and  that’s  just  the  way  it’s  always  been:     if  it  could  be  represented  as  its  nature,  it  would  be  more  like  a  vulture.     nothing  else  feeds  off  of  death  like  n.ight  city.     (god,  she’s  starting  to  sound  like  johnny.)     she  felt  safe  with  jackie,  and  so  did  he.     there’s  no  one  else  to  run  to,  to  depend  on,  but  each  other.     vance’s  grown  on  vishka;  it’s  proven  by  the  way  she  scolds  him  for  his  recklessness,  yet  never  hesitates  to  patch  him  up  when  he’s  been  beaten.     and  maybe  they’re  both  just  desperate,  but  she  can’t  find  it  in  herself  to  care.     death  looms  over  her,  the  kind  she’s  created,  but  she  feels  safe  around  him.     like  jackie.     vishka  never  thought  she’d  feel  that  way  again,  but  he’s  always  been  unpredictable  in  her  eyes.          “  do  you?  “          her  voice  cracks  slightly  at  the  end,  giving  away  her  vulnerability.     the  tough  exterior  crumbles,  bit  by  bit.     she  secretly  hopes  he  doesn’t  notice,  she  secretly  hopes  he  does.          “  feel  safe?  “

#heyyyyy :) #IC. #ANSW. #varaic

[vihidha]

“ we’ll pull through. “

                 viskha  almost  objects  at  him  saying  ‘we’  ―  up  until  she  remembers  she  dragged  him  into  this  shit.     her  head  is  pounding  and  her  heart  feels  like  it’s  about  to  explode  from  how  fast  its  beating  but  her  mind’s  too  slow  to  catch  up.     she  regrets  getting  him  involved,  telling  him  anything,  but  she  just  doesn’t  know  how  to  tell  him  ‘no,’  huh?     vishka’s  probably  going  to  die  right  here,     head  bleeding  from  her  hairline  to  her  cheek,     reminiscing  on  all  the  things  she  could  have  done  right.     it’s  no  relic  malfunction,  but  it’s  coming  pretty  damn  close.     vishka  wants  to  tell  him  to  just  leave,  to  get  out  and  live,  to  leave  her  here  ―  but  then  she  thinks  about  jackie,  and  how  similar  it  would  all  be,  and  she  can’t  let  history  repeat  like  that.     she  can’t  leave  vance  alone  like  that.     and  she  tries  to  speak  but  all  the  air  escapes  her  lungs,  so  she  chooses  to  simply  nod  and  believe  in  him,  even  if  she  doesn’t  believe  it  herself.

#how are we feeling :) im feeling a lot rn. #IC. #ANSW. #also formatting bad #varaic

[vihidha]

LOVE AND AFFECTION by the blackdresses sentence starters.

“ i can never go back. “

“ this is the shit i said i always fucking dreamed about. “

“ so fucked up but honestly, i’ve never felt more alive. “

“ how did i ever become this? “

“ i feel reality bend. “

“ it’s fucked up. it’s been days since i slept. “

“ i’m in heaven, seeing hell through stained glass. “

“ i tried so hard to kill the past. “

“ i’ve always been a burden. “

“ the nightmare’s reoccurring. “

“ i’ve never been a person, i’ve never had a soul. “

“ if you can dream, you can be anything. “

“ if you can dream, you just get further away from everything you ever wanted. “

“ i know you don’t believe it hurts. “

“ saying i’m in pain makes it worse. “

“ i know you think all i need is just to think positively, but it fucking hurts! “

“ i’ve never had a purpose. i’m too weak for working. “

“ all these years of worthlessness really take their toll. “

“ this is something you’ll never understand. you’ll never know what its like. “

“ i’m bleeding out on my back. “

“ i’m laughing because it feels like i am finally somewhere that makes sense. “

“ i feel so fucked up, but i just wanna be fucked up with you. “

“ sometimes i want to kill who i am. “

“ i never thought i could go to heaven until i died and i met you. “

“ is the truth just too depressing? “

“ my body hardly knows how to move. “

“ all those years just wanting to run away, i never dared to dream that i could ever feel safe. “

“ if i could tell myself that i would feel alive again someday, maybe i’d be okay. “

“ pretend for a while that we’re still alive. “

“ i’ll be trapped here forever. “

“ i am never leaving. “

“ my soul is hardened on the floor. “

“ this town is festering decay. “

“ this body feels like a grave. “

“ everyday i’m so fucking freaked out. “

“ everyday i can’t get the evil out. “

“ every night i feel so far away. “

“ will it ever be okay? “

“ everyday it seems like no one sees and no one knows. “

“ most days i just feel like i’m making it up. i pray to god that i’m just making it up! “

“ i can feel the evil in me. “

“ i’m such a faker, really. “

“ i’m a mess, a beautiful monster. “

“ life is so boring, there’s not much left to do. “

“ get cut apart and consumed, and you can be me too. “

“ the world is meant to change and it should change. “

“ i’d love to see the world in a beautiful new shape. “

“ i’ve tried so hard to be good. “

“ this is how it was always going to be. i’m still me. “

“ it must be protected, it’s all we have. we can’t survive without it. “

“ music isn’t magic. “

“ i’m not sure that music is anything at all. “

“ if it was the answer, don’t you think that all our problems would be solved? “

“ the pain’s still loose in my head, but that’s okay. if it ever changes, i’m sure ill be dead. “

“ if all we need is love, could there be enough to undo what we’ve done? “

“ healing is an ideal that’s supposed to be real. “

“ music is so easy but it only makes it easy to pretend. “

“ i can’t cry and i can’t sing and i can’t move and i can’t breathe. “

“ there’s no torture left, we just used it up. “

“ i’m sick, i’m suffering. “

“ i’m so fucked up my heart beats out of time. “

“ is this body me? can i be more than it? “

“ in a rotting shell, why do i exist? “

“ is this fucked up hell really all there is…? “

“ would we understand? would we still connect? would we recognize? would we still be friends? “

“ impending doom, is it true? “

“ we’ll pull through. “

#heyyyy <3

[vihidha]

“ you left, without so much as telling me goodbye. “

                  “  i’ve  things  to  do,  “          more  to  be  done,  more  to  kill,  more  for  them  to  pay  for.          vishka  hoped  he’d  understand  considering  the  circumstances,     the  grief  they  shared.          but  he’s  got  his  own  problems,  and  this  is  a  path  she  must  walk  alone  on.          vance  says  it  like  she’s  left  him  behind,  abandoned  him.          “  i’ll  be  back  when  it’s  finished,  “     but  she  doesn’t  even  know  if  that’s  true.          it  does  make  her  feel  guilty,  but  she’s  got  little  time  to  think  about  it.          she’s  not  finished  with  the  rest  of  them  yet.

#i am :( abt them .. #IC. #ANSW. #varaic

[vihidha]

” whatever you’re doing, it had better be worth it. “

                   “  it  will  be,  ”     she  assures  him.          but  by  now,  she’s  starting  to  question  herself.          can’t  help  but  secretly  wonder  what  will  happen  once  she’s  finished,  if  there’ll  be  anything  left.          it’s  for  jackie                  that’s  what  she  told  herself.          [it  had  better  be  worth  it],     it  echoes  in  her  head.          vishka  doesn’t  know  who  she's  trying  to  convince  more,     vance  or  herself.          “  it  will  be.  ”

#this is rly short but ... i care her . please go to therapy girl </3 #IC. #ANSW. #varaic

[vihidha]

hades by supergiant games part i. sentence starters.

“ i’m leaving. try and stop me. “

“ let’s get you from that miserable place. “

“ you’ve got quite the fighting spirit in you there, i have to say. “

“ halt, ____. not one step further. “

“ come on, ____. haven’t we had more than enough of each other by now? “

“ you can turn back like a good little man, or i can send you home the painful way. what’ll it be? “

“ i told you nobody gets out of here, whether alive or dead. “

“ do not despair and hold to your resolve, ____. “

“ ever stubborn, aren’t you. “

“ it shall be exactly as you say, ____. your wishes are identical to mine. “

“ i lay the blame entirely upon you, yes. who else? “

“ everyone’s saying i went easy on you, ____. “

“ look, i’ve a reputation to uphold. you get past me again like that, you best go all the way. “

“ leave me be, and don’t think you’re going to be so lucky next we meet out there. “

“ i have to say you’re quite the specimen, and so, i’ve decided i shall aid you for the moment. “

“ hey, ____, if there happens to be something really horrible waiting for me beyond there, then… give me a sign, won’t you? “

“ oh there you are. just as i was beginning to think it’s been too long since i last killed you, ____. “

“ admit it, ____. you can’t stop thinking about me. “

“ don’t flatter yourself. i think of you in pain. and now there’s no need for the imagination. “

“ death is your only family. death, and i. best get accustomed to the both of us. “

“ what have i done, ____, to deserve such scorn? your lapse in judgement here is not so easy to forgive, yet easily punished. “

“ i never grew accustomed to the air, up here. it gusts senselessly whichever way it pleases. “

“ i’ll tear you limb from limb out there next time, you mark my words. “

“ oh, we have met, in a way. i know everybody, here, and there. “

“ the only one responsible for all of this is you. and i thought even you would have understood that by now. “

“ names are there to be forgotten, ____. “

“ no. no mournful speeches. now get out of my way. “

“ you’re running from yourself. though i can slow you down a bit i think. “

“ they say lots of things about me, ____; and they’ll tell you, in your dealings with me, ample caution is in order. let me show you why. “

“ you think me cruel, yet know nothing of cruelty. “

“ you want something to hate, then have it! “

“ you can’t be serious. you’re going to pretend as though it never happened? “

“ it comforts me to see how far you’ve come, ____. and i am confident that you shall make your way, eventually. “

“ a mortal’s life is short, and fraught with pain; is that truly the life you yearn for, ____? “

“ look, i’ve done some things that maybe aren’t great, but i am very, very sure i haven’t murdered anyone. “

“ life isn’t particularly fair, ____. nor death. i’d have expected you to know as much. “

“ blood needs be shed, and yours is going to suffice. “

“ i get the feeling we’re starting off on the wrong foot. “

“ i always wanted to kill a god. you’ll have to do. “

“ something the matter there, ____? you seem a little quieter than usual. dare i say even a little somber and remorseful, for some reason? “

“ what you’re attempting is impossible. you’ve seen what happens when you go too far. “

“ i’m not your practice partner, fool. “

“ you left, without so much as telling me goodbye. “

“ i left when it was necessary, ____. i thought of you and hoped you’d understand. i have to do this. “

“ if you won’t say it, then i’ll say it. goodbye, ____. “

“ you believe you are entitled simply to walk out of here. from your birthright and your responsibilities! but i am here to tell you, no. “

“ always happy to oblige. especially when it causes me to risk my station. to risk everything i’ve worked for. “

“ look here, ____, let me save you lots of future suffering: i happen to be the jealous type. “

“ do not anger me again, or i might come down and kill you there myself! “

“ i’m surrounded by my family, but i always feel alone. “

” i told you i don’t need your help here, ____. “

” you’re no god. “

” you’re nothing but a piece of trash. born into all of this. and you don’t even want it! “

” you seem to have me all figured out. and here i thought we were still getting to know each other. “

” i thought we had an understanding, _____, but this wouldn’t be the first time i was wrong about someone. “

” is this an offering of fealty or friendship, ____? “

” i guess there’s only one thing left to do. isn’t that so, ____? “

” i’d ask you to join me for a drink, ____, but i know you’ve a task ahead of you, and liquor dulls the senses. fortunately so, under most circumstances except yours. “

” perhaps you have defied me here in jest, though in such cases pertinent to my authority, you’ll find i lack a sense of humor. “

” you must see plainly, then, what your birthright amounts to: you’re no better off than any of us here. “

” it’s not that i’m upset or anything, here, ____, you know i’m not, but truthfully i am a bit annoyed, a little bit, and so, i got to send the message. “

” ____, i am getting awful sick of seeing your smug face, time after time after time. “

” have you given any thought to just… leaving me alone, and going back to wherever it is you came from? “

” why? why do you keep showing up? in spite of knowing that the outcome shall be just the same as how it always was? “

” why don’t you go get out of here if you despise this place so much? “

” you know what i like about you? the way you bleed. “

” never met a god that bleeds like you. red. like a worthless mortal. “

” come on! let’s bleed you dry. “

” thought i might find you all the way out here. although quite frankly i’m surprised you’re still alive. “

” even i’m beginning to fear you, i think. seems i don’t know you as well as i thought. “

” whatever you’re doing, it had better be worth it. “

” you’re stubborn. and you are going to get me in a heap of trouble before all is said and done. “

” a harsh winter is coming for you, ____. and i’m afraid you’ve brought it on yourself. “

” you’re funny. but you’ll break. they always do. “

” stranger, i am warning you: if you keep showing up like this, i’m going to have to find a new nickname for you. “

” you think you can just walk away from me? “

#hi :)