Yknow i don’t remember when I made this post. Quite frankly I don’t remember the last time I made any post. Do I still feel this way? I’m not sure. I’ve been experimenting with my gender expression for a while now. Close to year. I don’t think I’ve felt something to that strength in a while, but sometimes it’ll creep in subtle ways. Every now and then it’ll be hard to get up, or I’ll just look in my closest and just feel a a heavy apathy.
There are many times I wish I could express the presentation experiments more, but I often feel quite restricted. I feel bound by the ire of the public, more importantly bound by love of friends. What would become of me if they new? What would become of our relationship if they saw? It feels like death — killing the person they know, the person I want to be. Through others am I not known? Do I exist at all if not through the gaze of others? If so, would them knowing this not be the death of the man they know, the man I am? Would that not be the death of me? But then again, does that man really even exist to begin with? Can you kill something — or someone — that was never really alive in the first place?
I wish I knew.
god these thoughts have been plaguing me for so long. I just don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel.
last night I referred to myself as “he.” Not me, he. Is this my own self telling me that this is wrong? That something is wrong? Sometimes I feel like an imposter, an actor — my own face that of someone else’s.
god these thoughts have been plaguing me for so long. I just don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to feel.
last night I referred to myself as “he.” Not me, he. Is this my own self telling me that this is wrong? That something is wrong? Sometimes I feel like an imposter, an actor — my own face that of someone else’s.
With some help from London’s Royal Institution, we did a big research project to interview unvaccinated people and find out what they really think. Some of their actual words are in the video, performed by professional actors. It’s been a super interesting project - I hope you like it!
is there like a name for a phobia where you’re afraid of finding insects in your fruit because this is seriously hindering my ability to go about daily life