uncleshits

[uncleshits]

I know I know… Bitty would have loved Cowboy Carter. But also. Maybe. Bitty would have LOVED Chappell Roan. Just like. Okay. Picture him teaching the Falconers “Hot to Go” for a tiktok. Tater would be getting all the letters wrong but with such enthusiasm. Jack would be trying to make the best G with his arms. Picture it.

[uncleshits]

you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[uncleshits]

1. What Were You Gonna Say Before Deflecting Eric Richard Bittle

2. bitty assuming he won't see jack all summer and potentially for longer. jack assuming bitty knew he'd drive up before the season started. there's something here about bitty's abandonment issues and how he assumes jack won't wanna make time to see him but also how jack is so giving with his love (and also so bad at communicating his feelings) that upon hearing this he's just like what? of course i'll come see you. of course of course of course i will.

eric "who could love me" bittle versus jack "i love him on purpose" zimmermann and jack "i am unworthy" zimmermann versus eric "i love him on purpose" bittle

#they make me insane #might have to reread

[uncleshits]

best boys

[uncleshits]

So now that we know they know… some inner comentary

[uncleshits]

We asked, you answered! The poll is still live for a couple more days but we don't do retractions at The Swallow, so like this is just the way it is.

Upset by your ranking? Feel free to drop by our HQ and convince us why you deserve a higher one ;)

Hot goss is a campus-wide community effort. If you hear something before we do (unlikely), be sure to drop us a line or submit an article so we can share all the sordid details!! 

#HOLSTER SWEEP #listen I just know he gives head like he was put on this earth just to do it

[uncleshits]

You’re getting married to your Tumblr pfp how fucked are u

#syd can we share 🧍🏼‍♂️

[uncleshits]

the only villain in check please is homophobia and miscommunication

[uncleshits]

Screaming crying throwing up but make it 2013

[uncleshits]

shitty majoring in gender and sexuality focused on masculinity studies and team sports which is super interesting and cool (and a space where it can actually be refreshing to have male voices) and it may be tempting to read the double major in poli sci as focusing on gender equality and lgbt rights but there's a world where he focused on cold war tensions and how the soviet union and the united states used sports as an arena for competition, sports as an arena of political protest and defining piece of the nation state in itself, also the exploitation of athletes across racial gender and class divisions in college and in professional leagues

#YES YOU GET ME

[uncleshits]

aight I've got a HILARIOUS au idea.

everything is the same except Wicky is a prince and nobody has any idea.

He's not first in line, and when asked, he says he's the "throwaway sibling". He's pretty well known in his home country as the second born prince, and he's kind, loves hockey, and pretty smart, even if he's not as smart as his older sibling.

The only people at Samwell who know the truth are the dean, the coaches, Ollie, Nursey, and Shitty (Ollie was voluntarily told during Year 1 after Ollie asked Wicky out, and the other two straight up knew from their parents, and knew his name and face before even meeting him).

SMH finds out in 1 of 2 ways:

Option 1: Graduation comes, and Jack's mom recognizes Wicky's grandmother or parents (whoever the monarch is), and is flabbergasted they're there, and they're just like "Yeah, we came to see our little boy graduate!" and the rest of SMH stares as Wicky jumps on his brother in excitement.

Option 2: the Newsletter literally says it, and Foxtrot goes "Wait, Wicky's a prince??" and Nursey goes "Yep" while the rest of SMH stare at her and then him like "what the fuck are you talking about?"

In Option 2: Bitty specifically finds out because he has Ollie and Wicky on the channel before they leave on their honeymoon, and MULTIPLE people send messages asking how he knows a prince and his new husband and Bitty is entirely baffled, and then horrified.

[uncleshits]

jack being sweet: when he wakes up from naps in bitty’s bed he gently adjusts señor bun so that he’s comfy on the pillows and tucked in just so

jack being silly: when bitty moves in and brings señor bun he starts treating him like the freakin elf on the shelf, moving him to different places for bitty to find, giving dorky lines like “oh, how’d he get up there? I didn’t know rabbits could jump that high”

[uncleshits]

I love it when there's a couple but then there's a third guy who's also there and he's part of it but not like romantically he's just a part of the couple but like....platonically

#this is like every omgcp ship tbh

[uncleshits]

literally an act of complete & open aggression

#top 10 omgcp post for me #its got everything. jackholtz aggression. syd is in it. g art. holster being holster. #chefs kiss 10/10 no notes

[uncleshits]

murray: why is there a fathers day card on our desk?

murray, looking at where bitty, jack, shitty and dex are shuffling awkwardly on their feet: nevermind.

hall: there are matching mugs as well!

[uncleshits]

the haus supper by leonardo da vinci (1490s)

[uncleshits]

happy dirty flirty thirty, adam

#ONCE AGAIN BARKING HOWLING DYING