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Just thinking about how weird it must have been for the people (Ran) who saw Hattori’s disgust of Conan before the reveal vs his admiration and friendship after the reveal.

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wholesome laffy taffy jokes

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Stop letting your heart and your pussy choose your men.

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In the bloom of my youth I found myself on an evening with my best friend in the park. We were young and it was a beautiful warm summer night to be out. At sixteen in a small rural town our options for entertainment were limited but it had been a good day.

Park is a somewhat generous term for the locale, what it amounted to was a cleared space with some planters and bushes, a tiny podium, and a square of trees round the perimeter. We had been hanging about with our friend who needed to leave, and waiting to be picked up ourselves, carless plebeians that we were.

So there we were, two teen girls in the park alone as the last of the light faded. Neither of us had cellphones, and my nana was collecting us right from the park as we’d agreed earlier. We were in no hurry, knowing she’d arrive when she arrived.

Until my friend said, “What was that?”

I looked up to where she was pointing but I didn’t see anything. “What?” I asked.

“I think it was… someone streaking?”

It was absurd to think. Our little town, tiny and rural as it was, with a streaker. But I loved my friend, so instead of laughing I said, “Let’s go see.”

I’m not sure what I thought it was, but I was confident she’d be less nervous if we investigated and found a plastic bag or a jogger in white. And I’ll admit I was curious at this anomaly. We made our way across the park to where she’d pointed.

That’s when I saw it too. A flash of pale skin under the streetlights, moving too quickly through the shadows and shrubs to see clearly. My friend clung to my arm, shrinking in on herself and I felt the first twitch of fear. Investigating no longer seemed like the thing to do.

I was determined to protect her from whatever was lurking, so I changed course and started cutting away from the movement, heading for the small shopping center not too far outside the park.

Our progress was suddenly arrested as the mysterious figure launched into our path. A man crouched on the pavement before us, fully nude except for a loincloth. His hair was in white people dreads. It was in every way like Tarzan had stepped out of the animated movie into real life.

My friends fingers were digging painfully into my arm and we stood stock still, staring at this bizarre apparition. He was still a good fifteen feet away from us. He stared back, making soft simian “ooh ooh” sounds.

I was struggling to process that a man in a loin cloth was right there when he started to move toward us. It was in his monkey half crouch, a few shambling steps, slow, with his eyes fixed on us.

“Leave us alone!” I declared.

He stopped, tilting his head this way and that. Then shifted like he would take another step.

I was fully afraid now, but I was also furious that he was menacing us and scaring my friend. I dropped her arm, marching forward with wrath in my eyes and said, “Get out of here before we call the cops!”

At my approach he turned and bolted back into the bushes. I whipped around and zipped back toward my friend, grabbing her arm and power walking us out of there. We arrived at the nearest business and darted inside, conveying what had just happened in garbled snippets.

The workers were outraged to hear our story. They let me call my nana to tell her where we were, then asked if we’d like to call the police. I shook my head. I emphatically did not want to deal with the police.

In the safety of the store my fear had started to feel ridiculous. It was probably just some bored prankster.

As we waited for my nana my friend quietly admitted she would rather liked to have called the cops. I apologized for not asking. We lapsed into silence. She said, “I can’t believe you went toward him.”

I couldn’t either. I didn’t remember planning on it, only I wanted to be between him and my friend. “Do you think he was crazy or was it just a prank?”

She shook her head. She didn’t know either. All these years later I still don’t really know what happened that night. If he was on a dare, or cosplaying Tarzan for fun, or if he was unwell. A lot of the details have hazed over with time but the utter dissonance of seeing a man in a loin cloth pop out of the bushes is seared into me.

I also remember back then, in a whisper both scandalized and fascinated, my friend admitting, “I saw his penis.”

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I draw porn but not any of that sick nasty perverted sicko misogynist fetish porn made by and for disgusting sicknasty pervert men my porn is so cute and wholesome and feminist and queer and liberated trust me it's not even porn it's erotica my erotica is a pure honest true expression of human passions and emotions and the pure chaste passions of feminist lesbian wombyns trust me you'll love it it's so liberating see for yourself *hands you a drawing of Snufkin sucking his own penis*

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I actually took a photo of myself crying right after I broke my leg bc I thought it’d be a funny author pic

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While I'm talking about social stuff I had to learn as an autistic person

There's a LOT of social interactions between human beings whose purpose really boils down to being like that thing dogs do where they go "omg YOU'RE a dog??? I'M a dog!!!!!" And that's not a bad thing. Highly ritualized "meaningless" displays of human connection like friendly greetings and talking about things like weather actually do serve a purpose which is like idk ritualized displays birds do. YOU'RE a human? Omg I'M a human!!!! Wow!!!

And they don't have to be your favorite flavor of interaction. You can even think they're silly. But they DO serve a purpose or else they wouldn't be a thing.

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Once you exit the womb, you can use the left stick to walk around and explore your surroundings. You can press A to jump, allowing you to access higher places. Try jumping onto the doctor's cabinets

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My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

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sasuke in the higher up hokage meetings after naruto pardoned him even though everyone in the village hates his ass making eye contact with shikamaru glaring holes in him across the room

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I’ve just realized. It’s time to tell you all. The story of the Great Dildo Heist.

I’ve mentioned before that I used to work at a sex shop. It was basically your average retail job except you’re selling sex toys. Aside from selling skills our most valuable asset was not giggling about the products.

When I was hired the manager at the time plopped a 20lb hyper realistic ass on the counter and said I must slap it with a straight face to work there.

I passed.

Now, our story begins a few years later with a new manager. You need to understand the store layout somewhat, so from left to right here are the zones:

A: Porn DVDs

B: Run of the mill sex toys, $10-50

C: High end sex toys, $150-300

D: Checkout

E: Lingerie

Before I go in to work I get a call from my manager. She tells me not to come in for two extra hours, because we’ve had a break in. This is especially surprising as we had really good security.

There’s cameras, motion sensors, alarms on the doors, and our store was really close to the local police station.

But our mystery thief was extremely savvy! They broke a window on the ground level near Zone B, sliding in amongst the safety glass. The alarms only activate on upper windows and doors, so our thief now had the run of the store.

We suspect that our daring robber intended to steal a whole lot of porn DVDs. But they, like you dear reader, were unaware of a crucial detail. We remove all discs and sleeve them up in a huge locked filing cabinet in Zone D.

So, foiled in the pursuit of a million hours of porn, our thief was left with the rest of the store at their disposal. And instead of proceeding to snag thousands of dollars of high tech, waterproof, rechargeable, high quality Ferraris of sexual pleasure, instead our intrepid interloper set their sights on something else.

In all the time they spent in the store, they were never once caught on camera. Between that and not tripping the alarms our robber was all set to emulate Danny Ocean in this magnificent heist. It was only on their way out that they happened to graze one of the motion sensors.

Now, right by our store was a 24hr Starbucks. Our thief could have strolled in with a backpack full of stolen goods and calmly sipped a latte while waiting for things to cool off.

But that’s not what happened.

What happened was that the cops found him a block away, sprinting as if his life depended on it with stolen sex toys flying out from his partially zipped backpack leaving fallen dildos in his wake like the most deranged trail of breadcrumbs imaginable.

When apprehended it turned out he’d stolen a backpack full of the foulest cheapest dildos money can buy, totaling not even $100.

Oh and also several tubes of a product called “Anal-Eze” which is a topical numbing agent to facilitate cramming stuff into your butt. (Don’t ever use it by the way, that’s how you end up in a hospital.)

He sobbingly confessed, “It was MeEeEeeE! I stole the diLDoS!!!”

And that’s the story of how I got to come into work two hours late.

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Coñe como mola

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I see a lot of fanon-y posts about rogues having a soft spot for the Batkids and kind of looking out for them, especially Harley and Ivy since they're completely defanged now, but all of that truly pales in comparison to whatever Lady Shiva has going on with Tim.

"I respect your moxie, kid. someday when you're an adult let's fight to the death." they're fascinating.

from Green Arrow #135 (1998)

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i do not have and will never have an iphone but i've been watching hugh jeffrey's videos where he keeps exposing apple's cartoonishly evil anti-repair practices and whatever you think they are doing to keep people purchasing new devices, it is astonishingly worse.

jeffrey's releases videos every time there's a new iphone where he tries to switch parts between two brand new, straight-from-the-store working phones and shows how apple has serialized the internal components so multiple phone functions are disabled when a part with a different serial number is put inside it, effectively killing third party repair, as well as scraping non-functioning phones for parts, while iOS deceptively claims that it is a third party part and it is locking the phone for "safety" purposes.

apple was also exposed recently for not only shredding half a million traded-in phones, but taking the company they were hiring to do so to court for failing to destroy products and instead selling some of them on the side 💀

this video jeffrey posted a month ago puts side to side the claims an apple technician gave at a legislative hearing when speaking against oregon's right to repair bill, and jefferey himself demonstrating that they were, well, lying out of their ass. it doesn't have nearly enough views imo so i'm sharing it here.

in short: stop buying apple products if you care about the right to repair, reducing e-waste and human rights.

the exploitation of cobalt mines in congo is fueling the fire of genocide; people are dying in the thousands in subhuman slavery conditions every day while apple does everything in their power to stop people from repairing and re-selling their products while claiming they are committed to reducing e-waste.

we need to be committing acts of t[redacted]ism against corporate greed but in the meantime withholding your consumer power is the bare minimum