umbrella-hobo

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Reporter: Tell us Bruce, why have you recently decided to work out more? Do you just want to compete with our Clark? Or is it-

Bruce: My kids.

Reporter: I’m sorry what?

Bruce: I work out so I can still lift them.

Reporter: …

Bruce: if you have nothing else to ask I’m going to leave now. Let’s go Jaylad.

Bruce just picks up Jason and leaves.

Jason looks like a large dog that clearly isn’t used to being in the air.

Like this.

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How funny would it be if one of the Phantom of the Opera cast members decided to stay... under the stage... and torment every other production ever performed there...?

[umbrella-hobo]

the trick to a good insult is sort of talking around it and making them think so that it hits harder when they realize what you’re talking about

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they love apple more than god

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i love y'all but u gotta quit putting men as kens for being men ken isn't ken because he's a man. barbie isn't barbie bc she's a woman. ken is ken because he's maximum babygirl and barbie is barbie bc she's maximum girlboss. Naruto is a ken but Sasuke is a barbie. princess bubblegum is a barbie marceline is a ken. house is barbie wilson is ken gatsby is a barbie nick is a ken howl pendragon and Sophie are both Barbies zuko and sokka are ken4ken. are you getting it

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Papa DO Preach

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can i be invited pls

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evil apple ev evil apPLE EVIL APPLE (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

EVIL APPLE SHES APPLE AND SHES EVIL and every time she speaks there's the craziest dubstep playing on the background I love it so much

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jace: you saved us, magnus! i owe you my life!

magnus: no thanks. i've seen it and i'm not impressed.

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new pronouns just dropped:

- “he” in the way you call an animal you don’t know the gender of “a little guy”

- “she” in the way sailors refer to their boats

- “they” in the way people say “they say that ___”, a faceless and all knowing collective. you are anything, you are everything.

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the sexy girlbots are returning. nature is healing

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🦇🎄🐈‍⬛

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Baby chameleons help eliminate fruit flies

(via)

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thinking about whale falls

(inspired by the work of @catadromously )

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everyone says werewolf cowboys and vampire pirates but I assert the other way around.