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• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

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Just learned about history. Appalled

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hate bluetooth headphones that talk. you are a machine you may NOT speak to me

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oh!

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every time robert smith posts on instagram and it's NOT the new album i go a little bit more feral

#songs of a lost world #the cure #robert smith #begging on my literal knees #PLEEEEAAASE

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let’s take that “one (1)” meme a step further & add emojis to the mix wouldn’t that be cool (😎)

#giggled (😂) out loud (📢) at this post (📲) i can't (❌) lie (🤥)

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SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL TRANSGENDERS

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Happy Neil banging out the tunes day

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ITS APRIL 13 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

FETCH ME NEIL

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Sorry but actually the “press any button” greentext story is objectively the best one

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I had to mentally send myself a reaction image the other day. I ran up the stairs on all fours, said to myself “i’m such a locationpilled scampercel” and then perfectly envisioned this image

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What was today's ancient poetry incident?

remembered cicero wrote poetry

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thoroughly delighted and amused that there is more than one graffito from ancient pompeii that says ursi me comedant, or "let the bears devour me"

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the big cerb. do you think if one of the cerberus heads was being selfish, the other two heads would be like it’s cerber-US not cerber-ME, michael

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greek geometric horse figurines sure took "why the long face"to a new level huh