twilightcunt

[twilightcunt]

As a reward for helping with a problem, John Constantine wants to give Bruce a chance to talk to his parents. “I can only do one at a time, thought, so, who’s first?”

Bruce sweats, “That won’t be necessary.”

The batkids watch like ??? they’ve seen Bruce in every state a man could succumb and raise, but they’ve never seen him scared. Alfred calmly steps forward, “Please do.”

“No. Don’t.”

John “I don’t want peace, I want trouble, always” Constantine smells some opportunity for chaos and grabs it.

The result of that is the very angry spirit of Thomas Wayne fixing Bruce with the glare of the year, “You dropped oUT OF MED SCHOOL?!” The entire mansion seems to tremble.

Bruce yelps like a scolded cat and runs around the dining table, “I was busy with BATMAN—“

“ Che cazzo è un Batman, — Get back here! You were there a year, — Che cazzo fai, CHE CAZZO FAI?! Pack your bags, you’re going back.”

To the batkids’ absolute horror Bruce starts to cry, face watery and bright, and they finally understand what Alfred meant by tantrums. “Non voglio tornare indietro, papà!”

“Non mi interessa, cazzo, — wait till your mother hears about this, Harley graduated with HONORS. What exemple are you giving to my grandkids? Don’t — Don’t run, GET BACK HERE!”

Tim sweats in high school dropout, Dick sweats in cop, Jason sweats in drug lord, Damian sweats in art kid, and Stephanie just sweats in general.

“Should, uh… Should we help?”

“Are you kidding? I haven’t seen Jason this happy since the Queen died.”

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yeah sure why not

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the next time someone asks what this country is like i’ll just send them this

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oracle, ban this guy

(some shitpost while i work on that bernard comic)

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youve taken the time to learn my attack patterns? what are you, gay?

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Jason and Tim fighting about something

Jason: Yeah? Well YOU'RE adopted!

Tim more or less about to lose his shit: We're ALL ADOPTED

Damian in the background about to speak up

Tim: You're not a part of this

Damian: >:[

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“most people don’t react well to sharp teeth sinking into their throat. don’t actively seek it out.” well. there’s something wrong with me. Is that a problem

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Annabeth cannonly told monument facts to all her friends can we include this in the fandom please

Annabeth gets caught off her guard by something someone says and just spouts

“construction on the gateway arch was completed on the 28th of October 1965”

She never lives it down

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percy would legit be one of the hardest ppl to get over if you had any type of feelings for that man

like swear you’d like be waiting for him to do smth bad or look ugly waiting for that ick and IT WOULD NEVER COMEEEE

like if you look at nico bro is SCRAPING THE BARREL for ANYTHING to dislike abt percy

percy smiles a little too bright nico has to turn away and mentally remind himself that percy was one of the last ppl to see his sister alive

rachel legit can’t like him so she probably just watches from afar and she’s chill anyway

if calypso found out percy planted that little flower she gave him and subsequently learned he liked planting and kept that flower alive in her memory??? ITD BE WRAPSSSSSSS

like percy is legit just such a good person that anytime someone has a crush on him 🙏🏼 thoughts and prayers bc that crush is haunting you for the rest of your life

ik moving to new rome is gonna kick start that too bc i feel like chb everyone’s gotten used to him yk everyone’s like “sigh there’s percy and his beautiful face and nice laugh and good morals and self sacrificing ways sigh annabeth sure is lucky love those two together tbh”

but now they’re being introduced to all these new ppl who have to learn that percy is simply percy and bro is wifed up

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Edward: "Are you wearing the-"

Bella: "Floor length khaki skirt? Yes, I am."

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the bravest person in the world

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Tim: wait, you quit smoking?

Jason: I quit smoking when I became Robin.

Tim: Ok,That Is Not True. I've seen you smoke recently, don't gaslight me!

Dick: You didn't really quit smoking when you were Robin Jay, you used to take my cigs sometimes

Duke: wait,, YOU used to smoke??

Dick: Yeah, back when I was Nightwing

Duke: You're /still/ Nightwing ???

Tim: He means back when he was Discowing

Duke: What's discowing???

Jason: The reason I used to smoke.

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whenever I see these comments I imagine Im in a busy marketsquare and the merchants are yelling as you walk by

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Look at this goofy fucker pretending to be a writer. GET OUTTA HERE

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