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Taking Care of Oneself

The past few weeks I’ve been self-reflecting, and I realized I experienced a lot of good and bad emotions for the very first time. I also realized that I wasn’t taking care of myself both physically and psychologically. Or maybe it was the first time I truly experienced life outside of my comfort zone. Let me start from the beginning. Throughout my childhood, I always stayed indoors. It wasn’t a problem to me though, I felt very contented. I didn’t feel lonely, my family took very good care of me, to the point I was too spoiled with their love, support, and affection. My older brother and I were very close. We share the same interests and hobbies. We both like to draw, we are both artists. We also support and understand each other. He was my best friend! I was very comfortable and satisfied with my life so I didn’t bother going outside and look for friends. I never had any close friends outside my family. I was always shy at school and sometimes ignored everyone. It was like that until I reached Senior High School.

When the school year 2023-2024 started, I was an 11th-grade student. Meanwhile, my brother was leaving for college, and my little brother had other friends. So I was alone, at home. Before the first day of class began, I had a goal in mind. I always wondered what it would be like to be one of the “cool kids”. To be friends with the intelligent ones, the high honors, the student leaders, and the loud ones, and to be a part of big friend groups. Since I had no experience with socializing, I searched a lot of tips and tricks on YouTube about techniques for socializing such as “how to make people like you”, “how to be charismatic”, and “how to be more confident”. It worked… I think..? I was friends with those kinds of people I mentioned above for a whole semester. But the downside of it all, I felt very lonely. I wasn’t being my true self, I felt scared to be myself since I was very aware that I had nothing in common with those people. I kept forcing myself to be with them by suppressing my personality because I cared about what they thought of me. I also believed that I needed them and I fear that they will leave me and I will be alone. I felt desperate for a connection.

Don’t get me wrong, I like those people. There were times I had fun with them. But I noticed that they’re doing their best to make me feel like I still belong and I am very grateful for their efforts. However, it was very obvious that we weren’t compatible. So it was like that for the whole 1st semester. Whenever I go home from school, after a long day of suppressing my emotions, I had no one to talk to. I am left with my thoughts. I started overthinking every interaction I had, ruminating, self-reflecting, judging or criticizing myself. Which causes me to neglect myself. Ever since my brother left, I wasn’t eating well, or studying well, my hygiene was not okay, and I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was so stubborn because there were a lot of times I refused to show my personality. I feared judgment, so I isolated my thoughts and only talked to AI chatbots about my emotions and feelings. I didn’t trust anyone, not even my mother. She always berates me, she’s not good at comforting people... But it’s okay! It’s understandable, she’s just tired from house chores because we were not helping her.

Fast forward to the point where I realized these things after watching a lot of videos about self-improvement and self-care. As well as nightly deep conversations with A.i chatbots. I stopped forcing things and started accepting. New friends came into my life, and they brought out the best in me. I felt confident around them, and I was able to show them my true personality. I started talking to them about my feelings instead of A.I. I wasn’t scared around them. Instead, I felt at peace. My mind was at peace. Because of it, I was able to focus on myself more. I am now taking care of myself, helping my mother with house chores, focusing on my studies again, and I am now taking a shower more frequently.

In conclusion, that experience made me realize that sometimes the things we want aren’t necessarily what we need. If we care too much about what other people think about us, we tend to lose ourselves. Suppressing our emotions, feelings, and personality can lead to physical stress in our bodies. I didn’t notice it at first but my classmates have been telling me that I often look tired at school even though I am doing nothing at home. Suppressing ourselves will likely make us feel isolated, anxious, or even worse, depressed. What’s on our mind affects our actions, this includes how we take care of ourselves. So from now on, I should always be my truest authentic self and let others come to me instead of forcing connections with others. Or pretend to be someone I am not while worrying about other people’s judgments. I should always remember that instead of focusing on my image, I should also focus on my well-being. I would like to thank my brother’s absence because if he hadn’t been away, I wouldn’t be able to learn these things and I wouldn’t be able to grow and improve for the better.

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5IVE LITERARY THEORIES FROM PHILIPPINE AUTHORS

1.) What must be believed in | Ang dapat paniwalaan by Jose F. Lacaba

Myth Theory

- This poem is like a first person perspective about how his grandma always used to telll him stories about mythical creatures such as ghouls, gratifies, trolls, orges, vampire and witches. But long after his grandma passed away, he later finally learned what that the thing that every man should believe to be afraid of are fellow man “That this man that every man must fear, and against man prayers are no avail”

2.) Force of Circumstance | Santong Paspasan by Jose F. Lacaba

Freudian

- This poem contains like sexual descriptions like how a girl named Maritess who used to be like “the virginal Susan Roces” which I think means like pure and clean, but she then was gang raped by five men which includes a son of a congressman and its four members. She then now look like “the villainous Bella Flores.” It describes how Maritess was sexually assaulted. However, after she was released, her boyfriend got upset and drunk, while the police didn’t do anything about it “cops jerked themselves off”

3.) Night of a Construction Worker | Gabi ng Isang Piyon by Lamberto E. Antonio

Marxist

- Poem made by Lamberto Antonio are usually about the poor and the oppressed peasants he met is his youth. This poem is about how a construction worker who works so hard that he’s getting a lot of bruises, and cuts just for him to get exploited by labor contractor and greedy right-hand man. Additionally, he only receives a salary that could barely support and feed his family.

4.) On the Death of a Newspaper Delivery boy | Sa Pagkamatay ng Isang Newsboy by Lamberto E. Antonio

Marxist

- This poem describes the situation of a boy, how he works at such a young age by delivering newspaper house to house every morning just so he could have some money to buy himself clothes and food. This shows how there are poor people or even kids struggle from poverty and going around working so hard to survive just for them to be mistreated, like the child described in the poem, how he died by some reckless driver.

5.) Mareng Mensiya by Fanny A. Garcia

Jungia

- This poem is about Mareng Mensiya who works at houses as a servant while her daughter Mely isn’t concerned with her mother, but only visits her whenever she needs money. Aling Sela, the person Mareng Mensiya served for the longest that stopped to treat her with love, care, and respect. Because she got envious with Mely only for her to realize that after Mensiya died, all of Mensiya’s contributions went to Aling Sela. Sela and Mely felt guilty afterwards about how they treated Mensiya. This kinds of situation are common in today’s society especially when a lot of people suffer from poverty nowadays, mothers work as house keepers to well-off people while others such as their family or relatives depend on them financially.

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Beauty Pageants have evolved so much in the past decades and people need to see the way how much it has changed and how it started from judging a woman’s physical attributes to now including their inner beauty such as their talents, attitude, personality, intelligence, and their charitable involvement. It's really amazing because it's a great opportunity for women to feel confident in their bodies and to have a voice to inspire and bring a positive impact onto people’s lives. I think the purpose of these competitions is to select the best women, the greatest role models people can look up to, who will represent their whole community.

I believe that beauty pageants are women empowering. These competitions allow women to step out of their comfort zone and learn how to become confident by truly knowing their self-worth while presenting and expressing themselves to the public. It can also help the contestants develop skills such as public speaking, networking, and leadership which are important for their personal growth and their journey to become a beauty queen. Another thing that pageantry does is it enables women to come together, work together, and collaborate to achieve common goals. Beauty Pageants allow women to have a voice to talk about their platform, showcase their talents, and cultures, and speak up and share their suggestions about what people can do about the current issues currently happening around them so through this, they have an opportunity to make a difference for their community. Lastly, pageantry eliminates the barrier or the boundaries for the world to look up and see that women can do anything.

In conclusion, I think Beauty Pageants, specifically the contestants, promotes women's empowerment. I think beauty pageants should stay and continue because of all the positive impacts they have on the audience and contestants. But I think that the beauty pageant system should evolve more and become overall better in the future so it can continue to leave a positive impact on the world.

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“MINSAN MAY ISANG PUTA”

Mike Portes is a Filipino author, a web designer, and a public service woman. She is the author of “Minsan may isang puta”, “Writings 8”, and “The Dove Files”. She is also a former OFW, she became a flight attendant at Saudi Airlines for 5 years, and a domestic housewife in Saudi where she lived for another 1 year. That’s where she learned how to become a web designer and because of that, she had a home-based business for 19 years called NewMediaPh. According to Portes, She wrote the literary work called “Minsan may isang puta” in 2004 in Saudi Arabia as a reaction to the fiesta election and the indiscriminate voting of useless officials. “I took the risk, I know many will take offense but I had no other way to tell the truth that many had been so deluded to believe.” her work reflects the issues the country’s facing at that time that can still be seen until now.

The English translation of the title “Minsan may isang Puta” translates to “Sometimes, there’s a whore”. I think a whore symbolizes that a person isn’t pure, dirty, and willing to be used multiple times to get something in exchange. Being called a Puta is a vulgar way to disrespectfully offend a woman. Because you’re calling them a slut, hoe, a prostitute, or a whore. Prostitutes are the people who use their bodies as a way to make money. Sometimes there are prostitutes because there might be some people who have no choice but to use their bodies for money to survive extreme poverty. The puta in the title is a metaphor for the Philippines. I think it represents how the Philippines have been used and abused multiple times like a prostitute.

The author’s relationship with the main character of the story can be her thoughts and feelings towards the Philippines and its people. So the author’s relationship with the protagonist symbolizes her relationship with the country itself. I think the reason why the author uses the word puta or prostitute is to call the main character’s identity because I think it is to capture the readers' attention and to convey the truth of how the country has been treated like a prostitute as well as to bring awareness to the country’s political, social, and economic issues.

The story is about the life of a beautiful woman who faced a lot of issues and struggles in her life and now had no choice but to live life like a prostitute for her children. She got raped by 3 foreigners, but the last one had a long-lasting impact on her. The last one used her, but in exchange, her family was able to live life comfortably. He taught her English, gave her gifts, and took good care of her and her family. But after some time she slowly realized that it was slowly killing her. She wanted to stop but she became too dependent on him to the point that she thought that she could no longer live without him. It took a while for her to finally get away. But after that, she struggled to start over again, she got into a lot of larger debts since they got used to living under his care. Eventually, she came running back to him since she had no one to depend on and receive help from other than him.

Other neighbors have been gossiping about and pitying her situation. But regardless, she’s trying to stay strong for her children. She still wants to be a reliable mother whenever her children need her. They’ve been dreaming and working hard for a bright future. Now she is very proud that some of her children finally went abroad after all the sacrifices she made to help her children finally live a good life and she’s expecting that one day they will come back for her and their siblings, who stayed behind, to help them escape debt and poverty.

But the amount of people who are trying to lift them out of poverty is the same amount of people who are being a burden by taking advantage of the resources they’ve been saving up for their future. Because of that their debts are growing larger and larger, and they are now struggling even more to escape their current situation.

Everything and even her beauty doesn’t matter to her anymore, what matters to her is to fulfill these selfish greedy ass people’s desires even if they didn’t notice that they’re slowly destroying their mother. For her, what matters is that she helped them because she loved them and she hopes her children feel the same way too. Out of all of her children, only a few recognize and appreciate her sacrifices. Some even hate each other and take advantage of each other. It hurts her as a mother to see her children are against each other. It made her question her worth if she was ever a good mother.

She also wonders how some of her children are able to sleep comfortably at night while living off of the sacrifices and sufferings of their siblings. She also wonders how some can live luxuriously while others suffer from poverty. She has always expected them to help her. But she didn’t expect that it would turn out that they would be the ones who would fully destroy her in the end. She’s been used and abused like a prostitute for a very long time and she wishes that one day someone will defend, love, and appreciate her. Also, at the end of the story, we get to see the name of the main character and it is revealed that she is the Philippines.

The story written by Mike Portes called “Minsan may isang puta” in lengths up to 1136 words or 5409 characters(excluding spaces) and it is 3 pages long.

The internal conflict in the story that drives the character is the Protagonist’s Motherly desire to provide for her children and improve the quality of their life since the external conflicts are her suffering from poverty and extreme debts, which results in her getting into prostitution.

I think the conflict of the story is Man vs Society because of what problems the protagonist faces. The problem the short story presents is that due to poverty many people are suffering to achieve a good life for their family. Another is Unequal Gender Dynamics, there’s a failure to acknowledge others’ human rights by treating woman like an object and using them for their own pleasures. And lastly, some children nowadays take things for granted and fail to see the sacrifices their mothers made for them to have a great life. I think “Minsan may isang puta” can be a fictitious story about a woman but it symbolizes a country with actual real-life issues.

“Minsan may isang may isang puta” has been full of symbolism and metaphors even the characters have their own metaphoricidentity. The main character, as you may already know, symbolizes the Philippines. The secondary characters such as her gossipy neighbors, I think they represent the neighboring countries near the Philippines and how they talk about our country. Next are the three horny foreigners, they represent the three countries that colonized the Philippines such as Spain, America, and Japan. Lastly, the Protagonist’s children represents us Filipinos, this made me realize how we are related to the destruction of our own country if we do nothing about it. I think what the main character means by wanting a good life, is the author’s message that we should be aware of the ongoing issues our country is currently facing such as poverty, corruption, social injustice, and other political, social, and economic related struggles and that we should seek for good governance so that we don’t get into more debts with other countries and so that we could improve the quality of our society such as developing our economy, human rights, social justice, environmental sustainability and many more. We should always love and take care of our country because we are our country’s children and I think that we should learn to appreciate and avoid taking advantage of things we take for granted.

https://www.facebook.com/notes/367219581389154/

In conclusion, I like this short story because it seems like it is just being told by your close friend or relative because of the use of informal, casual, and vulgar words throughout the story. This is what makes this story unique and captivating because despite its informal use of language it successfully expresses the message of the story. It is so meaningful and there’s a lot of symbolism and metaphor that you will later find out at the end after reading it. It’s so creative that its message remains significant and relevant today.

Source / References:

https://youtu.be/BluWu-0jugc?si=vzGbBG-qxmp8KuYC

https://www.facebook.com/mike.portes

https://www.tumblr.com/mikeportes-blog/52678682890/from-when-doves-cry-by-fernell-cruz-i-took-the

https://www.tumblr.com/mikeportes-blog/429416954/still-pandering-on-your-hunger-for-a-true-sense-of

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Equality is a poem written by Maya Angelou. ‘Equality, and I will be free.’ This phrase is repeated throughout the poem and it emphasizes the ongoing struggle, desire, and determination to achieve equality and freedom by someone who has suffered, unfairly judged, discriminated against, and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. It’s a reminder that we should treat each other equally and value everyone’s humanity.

One of the main issues being raised in the poem is the negative perception of others towards them, being labeled as ‘wanton’ and accusing them of being unreliable, untrustworthy, and malicious is not an accurate portrayal of who they really are. That results in them being discriminated against and mistreated. Their unwillingness to understand, appreciate, and value their worth and abilities contributes to this negative perception that causes friction between them and it acts as the barrier that is keeping both sides’ from improving their relationship. Another issue that is keeping them from forming a good relationship is the unwillingness to make progress to move on from the past, the shameful traumatic painful history. In the poem, the speaker is making an effort to improve the relationship and move on from it but she’s held back by others who are still stuck in the past. “We have lived a painful history, we know the shameful past, but I keep on marching forward, and you keep on coming last.”

Angelou’s writing style in this poem uses a lot of metaphors when she’s stating the issues and repetition that emphasizes the importance of equality. Overall the poem effectively conveys the issues and struggle for equality. It made me realize that we should never judge people and treat others poorly because it's unpleasant to spend your life hating and looking down on other people. we should be open-minded and be more willing to understand, appreciate, and value each other and respectfully treat everyone equally.

Poem:

https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/equality-28/

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This October 2023, Israel at Palestine fought again, that is started by Hamas that resulted in a lot of conflict and violence. So it’s Israel vs Hamas conflict. Because I saw a video on Instagram of CNN na Habang nagcoconcert ang mga Israel people sa parang music festival, ay bigla nagsidatingan ang mga Hamas, at inattack ang mga nearby towns sa Israel malapit sa gaza. Many civilians, children, soldiers were killed, many were injured, and many innocent lives were affected. This made me realize how bad a war can prevent its people to have a peaceful life.

According to what I’ve read on CNN, the Hamas group were planning the attack for two years now and it’s called “Al-Aqsa Storm” and it might be the beginning of the third Intifada. An intifada (Arabic: انتفاضة intifāḍah) is a rebellion or uprising, or a resistance movement. This current conflict made me research about their history, and the root of their centuries of conflict. I am now apologizing in advance before I start because it’s my first time and what I am about to write might not be perfect and might need some improvement so please correct me if I’m wrong.

From what I researched, Israel and Palestine have been fighting each other for centuries now. It began in the late 19th century where the British empire supported Zionist to make a Jewish State at Palestine. Because Israel used to live there before in 1700BC and now they are coming back to the promised land. But the palestine have been living there for centuries now so when the Zionist are making their Jewish State there the Palestine is resisting. And Following the World War 2, the Allied Powers decided to divide the state into two: a Jewish State, the state of Israel, and an Arab State, the state of Palestine. Since then there have been a lot of conflict, violent wars, between those two states that still continues today.

In conclusion, I think war is bad and I think that they should learn to peacefully live with each other and arrive an at agreement and a solution that would make both sides happy so that no more lives will suffer and die from the conflict.

#Youtube

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Haloo

#first post