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kinda feeling very bad lately and its making me wanna commit neck rope. sorta want summer to end so i have sth to occupy my mind with but the thought of school itself fills me with so much stress my limbs get numb and i know once im there ill just want to commit toaster bath. same soup just reheated. still, i feel like i shouldn't have isolated myself because i feel terrible but at the same time i have no energy to respond to any of my messages or talk to anyone. i just want to die i feel like i wasnt made to live i cant even deal with the simplest things, all ive been doing lately is surviving and even that's hard, i cant imagine having responsibilities. i want to be so far away from it all and i miss the feeling of total detachment i had when i dissociated. really wish it came back, i want to stop feeling anything at all because even these dulled down pseudo-apathetic emotions are too much lately and all i really want is to feel dead

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#oh wow all these ring a bell thats sad

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me: i feel so alone

me: maybe isolating myself will help

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i just want all my secrets back, i don’t want anyone to know anything about me anymore 

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from tonight and on I'm gonna be clean. I wont be counting days so that i dont wind up with a bigger guilt trip if i ever relapse. Im not gonna cut, I'll stop smoking when depressed, i wont burn myself. I'm not sure how far practising self care will go, i havent been feeling the motivation for anything positive lately, but maybe getting rid of the negative is a start.

#worst thing is that the negative things feel so good #but i know theyre bad for me #//sigh #im going to be okay ill be good #self harm tw

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Was cutting yesterday thinking how im Totally Mentally Sound and just want to prove to myself im strong enough to not react to pain. Played myself real good there because later i googled to see if anyone else cuts without reason and people were commenting how it could be an attempt to feel in control. Why do you gotta go for me like that. Why call me out like this.

#that said i had such a high today oh god it was heavenly #if not for the fact that the next cut hurt like shit and barely gave me any adrenaline i might have not stopped #anyway i patched everything up now but my paranoid side kicked in at the mention of 'infection' when i was looking through reddit #so now im gonna go to sleep and probably have nightmares about my mother finding out #self harm tw

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:)

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its always there

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A comic about cutting and how it never really leaves you, neither physically nor mentally.

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sudden flashbacks.

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