totallynotneurodivergent

[totallynotneurodivergent]

Me irl

The Autistic Teacher

[totallynotneurodivergent]

I’ve been signed off from work for medical reasons for the next few months. I’ve been constantly getting sick and burning out for months so we decided to put a proper halt to everything to let me rest.

I suspect part of it is purely because I’ve been aligning with my natural self over the past year as I grow to understand my own neurodivergence and the exhaustion from it all is spurring on the sickness. I have my final ASD assessment really soon and I’m terrified for it. I’ve spent my whole life masking so hard that I didn’t realise I was doing it and now that I’ve clocked it I can’t go back. I’ve struggled with depression, anorexia, bulimia, ego-dystonic thoughts and all sorts throughout my life and undiagnosed ASD would explain so much of it. If they just turn around like “you’re not autistic” it will feel like I’m back to square one.

[totallynotneurodivergent]

If someone could just tell me how to function properly that would be great thanks. I feel like I’ve been winging it forever nd honestly this is not easy

#actually autistic #autism #autistic women #self help #autistic adult #neurodivergent #autistic things #self care

[totallynotneurodivergent]

[totallynotneurodivergent]

Something that I've been thinking about is the fact that autistic adults are so often not allowed to act autistic because we are supposed to act like adults.

You didn't know you were autistic and have years of repressed trauma and are burnt out? Congrats! Go and act neurotypical now. You're old enough to act maturely and go through everything despite being uncomfortable and needing more support.

I am hoping that things will change because this is in no way sustainable for anyone and nobody should be forced to act beyond their capabilities...

[totallynotneurodivergent]

My ASD Diagnosis Story.

Spoiler alert: it's not quite finished (yes my bio says different - I couldn't figure out how to word it so decided to just make a post about it.

FYI: turns out I'm really skilled at masking and that's why I've been told I "seem normal" by neurotypicals - which, by the way, has been really upsetting on this journey because I've struggled with so many "unexplained" comorbid conditions throughout my life. ASD makes a lot about me make sense. I think this journey is way overdue.

Thank you everyone for joining me on this journey. This community really is the best.

#autism #actually autistic #autistic women #self help #autistic adult #neurodivergent #autistic things #follow #self care

[totallynotneurodivergent]

I know I'm late and stuff but happy World Autism Awareness Day! I made both an Autism and Neurodivergent ouroboros for such occasion.

[totallynotneurodivergent]

[Image ID: Feels Guy Cycle Meme

Top of cycle is "Needs routine"

Second cycle reads "Work gives routine"

Third cycle reads "Autistic burnout from working"

Last cycle reads "Takes break to recover"

End ID]

[totallynotneurodivergent]

I know this space is particularly for my neurodivergent journey but I just wanted to post about how many fkn side quests there are in my life right now.

I’m constantly ill so aside from the fact I’m questioning my whole sense of self, I don’t have the energy to actually explore it.

My family, which was previously chill as fuck, is all over the place because someone made a stupid decision and flipped the table.

On top of that the fatigue means I can’t get on with my work, which I love btw. So I’m sort of just stuck in a loop of fatigue and stress. Love it 🤙

[totallynotneurodivergent]

There’s so much I can say about all these that I’ve highlighted. The purple ones are the one as I’m like “yes” to however some of them have nuance too. The yellow ones are either “sort of ” or “used to be an issue”.

For example, I don’t actually think I have an issue with lying (right, second bottom) because I spend so much of my time masking anyway so what does it matter if the words coming out my mouth are bs? ✨The whole person speaking is a facade ✨

For the yellow ones:

- i used to really struggle to control my anger when i was overwhelmed. Nowadays I more often shut down as a result of controlling the anger through trauma response (not healthy but different issue entirely)

- i felt older than my peers growing up and now barely acknowledge my existence as an adult. I’ve come to accept that adults are generally just as oblivious and generally unwise as the kids I used to compare myself to are. I don’t feel younger than anyone at all

- if I don’t write down lists and things in my calendar religiously I will forget them or get overwhelmed by them. That’s just a fact of my life

#actually autistic #autism #autistic women #self help #self care #autistic adult #neurodivergent #bingo #games

[totallynotneurodivergent]

april fools day kicking off autism awareness/acceptance month is very fitting actually, since every april fools joke i fail to clock makes me more aware of my own autism

[totallynotneurodivergent]

You Can’t Be Autistic Because…Wrong Answers Only

Neurokinection

[totallynotneurodivergent]

Hygiene Tips for Autistic People

Neurodivergent_lou

[totallynotneurodivergent]

As a neurodivergent individual, the worst piece of advice anybody can give when you're nervous is "just be yourself" -_-

.... Like ma'am.... how am I supposed to (sanely) explain to you that I physically cannot 'just be myself' because the self you are referring to is a carefully constructed facade tailored specifically to you and is in fact made up of an amalgamation of personality traits cherry picked from other people/fictional characters to suit your preference and personality?!!

[totallynotneurodivergent]

I designed this wee picture for me to use for my Totally Not Neurodivergent accounts (I have an instagram too if you’re interested) but I thought I’d tell a story as to how I ended up with this.

Simply put, I really love these colours together and I cannot explain why. I actually saw them together because I was looking up Godzilla art for tattoo inspiration - who, by the way, is a relatively recent (probably autistic) obsession of mine. I cannot explain why that stupid massive lizard brings me so much JOY but I LOVE HIM. I don’t even know a huge amount of lore about the universe he’s in. I just am so happy whenever Godzilla is mentioned or I swear him in something. Anyone able to explain this concept of character / giant monster obsession to me?

Here’s a snippet of the cropped Godzilla art I had for my picture before btw 😆. I don’t have a note of the artist upsettingly as it was just from the official brand shop.

#autistic things #actually autistic #autism #autistic women #self help #self care #autistic adult #neurodivergent #godzilla #art #colour #follow

[totallynotneurodivergent]

neurodivergent people 🤝 notebooks

[totallynotneurodivergent]

normalize "big" stims! - Strawberry