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Hole photographed by Phil Nicholls, 1991

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Black femme goths

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BATTLE SANTAS trading cards were all the rage of Christmas 1988, hyping kids up for a toy line and film franchise that never came to be after Christian protesters halted production.

The cards, produced before the first film was finished, tell the story of a multiverse of cosmic Santas who arrive from across time on an array of Battle Sleighs to help Earth’s Santa save Christmas future from the forces of Hell. On Santa’s lunar battlestation workshop (where he relocated after the North Pole was ravaged in The Santa Wars), his elves built armed vehicles from old toy parts and the re-animated corpses of reindemons, the hellbeasts of the demon army unleashed on Earth after a portal to hell was opened in the North Pole when oil companies drilled near Santa's Earth Workshop (thanks to Reagan’s deregulation of protected lands).

The early release of the trading cards was meant to generate buzz for the film’s funding and toy licensing, but the plan backfired, as the cards revealed a controversial plot point: Mecha-Jesus, the Cybersavior, a towering robotic kaiju Jesus built by the Battle Santas as their last stand against Satan. Mecha-Jesus is piloted by the real Jesus, who the Battle Santas summon back to mortal form. When Christian groups heard about children trading cards that depicted Jesus eviscerating enemies with Nazareth Napalm missiles and shooting Light of the Lord laser beams from his robo-eyes while shouting “The Power of Christ compels you to DIE!” over heavy metal music, a firestorm of protests made the entire BATTLE SANTAS property toxic to investors, leaving the trading cards the only glimpse of a Christmas epic that never came to be.

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NOTE: This alternate reality story is part of my NightmAIres narrative art series (visit that link for a lot more). NightmAIres are windows into other worlds and interconnected alternate histories, conceived/written by me and visualized with synthography and Photoshop.

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Hayley Williams

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George hit the nail on the head

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Courtney Love photographed by Kevin Cummins, 1995

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Tribbles have picked the wrong man to mess with

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Courtney Love by Arianne Phillips, 1997

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Courtney Love photographed by Phil Nicholls, 1991

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Courtney Love photographed by Michael Lavine, 1995

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Hellraiser (2022) dir. David Bruckner

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paramore | this is why music video (2022)

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Courtney Love photographed by Kevin Westenberg, 1998

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As Abby Sciuto on NCIS (season 8 promos)

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Courtney Love, 1994

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Courtney Love photographed by David LaChapelle, 2003

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Anette Olzon Goddess!