timexticksxby

[timexticksxby]

"Really? I radiate 'goodness' even after you watched me help eviscerate a few packs of hobgoblins?" a brief snort of amusement when the other spoke of it, although if he was being honest most of his own memories of how he might have looked during that fight was a hazy blur. moving faster than he had before and relying on pure instinct to guide him on.

A nod when the other mentioned having no intentions of letting his minions in on the camp. Not trust in the other words, but at least a hope that the other was smart enough to understand how dangerous it would be if he did. As much as it led to arguments and stung feelings, the real world getting a peek behind the curtain seemed dangerous. or maybe that was just his own concerns left to stew.

Blunt, but honest. He could work with that. With all the subtlety of a bulldozer, Cal moved to slip behind the other demigod, and shove him forward a little toward the training ground. "C'mon, we're figuring out where you should be standing in a fight to make it harder for guys like me to get over. The minute you start healing, you become target number one. First rule of an rpg, right? Take out the healers." Whether Milo moved with him or not, he was soon making his way back over to the training dummies he'd set up.

Milo   couldn't   help   but   to   chuckle   as   he   nodded   his   head.   "I   see   that.   You   practically   radiate   'goodness'."   Milo   did   a   fake   gag,   allowing   a   shiver   to   work   it's   way   down   his   body.   "It's   practically   causing   me   to   light   on   fire."   Milo   admitted   with   a   chuckle   and   a   shrug   of   his   shoulders. 

"Oh   don't   you   worry.   Everything   about   this   camp   is   a   secret   from   them   and   the   rest   of   the   world.   At   least   in   terms   of   me.   Scouts   honor."   He   had   never   been   a   scout.   Still,   Milo   was   being   honest   about   that.   Whether   the   other   believed   it   or   not,   Milo   didn't   care. 

"Probably   be   muerto   (dead),"   Milo   did   a   slicing   motion   on   his   neck   just   in   case   the   other   didn't   understand   the   word.   "I   have   a   flail,   a   shield,   and   a   witchbolt   that   might   cause   my   enemy   to   be   thrown   off   their   guard   and   hopefully   miss   if   I   manage   to   hit   them.   Other   than   that?   No   attacks   that   I   can   do   myself.   I'm   a   lover,   not   a   fighter."   Milo   said   with   a   chuckle.   "I'm   more   focused   on   keeping   the   gang   alive   so   you   guys   can   do   the   fighting   for   me."   Only   Milo   would   make   healing   people   sound   like   a   selfish   thing. 

#ft; milo #wtchhlr

[timexticksxby]

seeing the things other people kept hidden had been something of a wake up call for calvin, he couldn't deny that. more willing to open up about things that were leaving him unsettled in the camp, or noting issues that others might have missed due to the familiarity of the situation. a bond that was hard t express with words, but was there.

"i mean, yeah, just look at that face. he'd be cute whoever's holding him." if milo hadn't already taken off to start trying to play with the much larger dog, he'd absolutely give a presentation of the fact. it was almost a subconscious thing, compliments tossed his way deflected and passed along, diminished. he stayed quiet waiting, for nox to get alejandro back in the right direction before flashing a toothy grin. "pet friendly beach sounds good to me. haven't spent a whole lot of time on 'em myself, and milo's never been. picnic sounds nice, too."

reassurances offered as easily as breathing. despite the pang of something else in his chest, memories of planning for something that wasn't gonna happen, it was easier to push aside now. "although I do feel I have to point out you already do plenty of nice things for me, ale."

waiting for the door to open, the moment his eyes locked onto calvin's, the moment between them all came to his mind. the wardrobe had done a massive number on them all, but honestly it felt like it pushed some relationships even closer. he knew that moving forward alejandro will trust calvin with so much more than someone he just met recently. in alejandro's eyes, calvin and him are linked in a way not many others can say they were, other than the others that were involved in the wardrobe.

"it's okay - he looks cute in your arms either way." was that flirting? he couldn't tell, and yet he didn't care if it was - just being around calvin in whatever way he was able to take was enough for him. friends or others wise down the line. "i was thinking of pet friend beach - i did look one up, there is also this really really big dog park in santa fe -- we can get some food, uhm.. i have .." guesturing to his backpack, he blushed slightly. "i have some cookies wyatt made and a blanket if you uhm ... " he started to get slightly nervous now with each word. "if you wanted to have like some picnic of -- yeah no, that was a bad idea, it sounds cheesy, huh?"

mentally beating himself up, he looked as if he was going to be turning around to leave, but nox nudged him. slowly looking back down at nox, he knew that his pal was able to sense when he was going to spiral. "sorry - i just .. wanted to do something nice for you."

#ft; alejandro #ragingale

[timexticksxby]

"Right, right, yeah." Another half chuckle, one hand lifting to rub at the nape of his neck. He did feel better. Clearer headed. He didn't think he'd ever be fully rid of the weight, and it tended to crawl it's way back in whenever his attention started wavering, but he knew he could set some of it aside for the rest of the day. Let the worst of it come crawling back in after he had a nice time just... Losing himself in his home.

"Didn't realize it was a secret, poetry is my true pass-" He managed to keep his words serious for all of a few seconds before the grin broke out and he was shaking his head. "Always been a little too... literal for stuff like poetry." It could be lost on him at times, other's striking too close to home. "Pizza then the zoo sounds perfect." His own footfalls fell easily in to pace with Grey's, familiar surroundings easing any remaining tension.

"Yeah, poor choice of words. I meant more like, you do everything you needed to do." Grey explained. There was never really anything good about visiting a cemetery, but he actually felt a little better since spending some time at his mom's headstone. He'd ask Kit to visit for him, leave some flowers so she didn't look like one of those forgotten and decaying old stones that clearly no one visited.

Happy to turn to other subjects, Grey nodded before he started to walk, leading the way. "Next you'll tell me you're a secret poet." Greyson teased with a playful grin. It was nice to be in the familiar streets of home, Greyson moving on autopilot as he began to lead the way to the subway, his old familiar haunts on his mind. "Lets grab some pizza, it will be better when the zoo's almost closed."

#ft; grey #wxldhxrt

[timexticksxby]

calvin couldn't help the brief laugh that slipped free at the comment on his smarts, even as he caught wolfram's head turning back enough to look at him instead. shoulders lifting in a half dismissive motion at the compliment.

"wouldn't say i'm all that smart, just used to picking myself up after things go wrong." it hadn't exactly been the sort of life most people would be able to just... keep walking through if they couldn't find their way back to something more solid. had plenty of people to guide him back, at least. "don't forge to get better for yourself, too. gotta want it with all of yourself if it's gonna be a change that sticks."

touch was normally foreign to wolfram, but it felt nice having an arm around him. he took in the feeling of calvin's warmth, the faint scent of him permeating his senses. he absorbs the words in silence, letting them sink in. he can't help but smile, shaking his head at how good calvin was at this.

"you're really smart." he muses quietly, turning his head so they were face to face. so close, so intimate, but somehow it felt right, seeking comfort in one another. "it... will take some time for me to believe that, but thank you." his voice is quiet now, humming softly. "i'll try to be better for you, and for everyone else."

#ft; wolfram #sonsofjustice

[timexticksxby]

Calvin didn't say anything for a long moment, not until he felt the other start sagging in to the contact. Letting it linger for a few moments long, arms firm around the son of Hermes, up until he was reminded of the initial distraction he offered when an indignant huff and wriggle from between their bodies alerted him to-

"Sorry, Milo, c'mon." A huff of a breath, scooping the pup from between them, and turning his eyes back to Axel. "Any time you need to talk, or not talk and listen, I'll be here for you, okay?"

Between the two of them, Axel had more speed but Calvin had the quicker, sharper instincts by far. The son of Hermes was too caught up in his emotions so he was fully caught by surprised when he was pulled in for the hug. He didn't resist it but he didn't hug back, at least not right away. Axel wasn't used to receiving this level of attention, let alone affection.

"Cal..." Axel's shoulders eventually sagged, finally letting himself be hugged. He didn't know what else to do and he sure as hell didn't know what to say.

#ft; axel #duckandash

[timexticksxby]

Pray to Hear the Echoes of Time

Information was a tool he could... Probably try and work with more. He'd been putting this off, time and again, because of the lingering fear. The wardrobe had at least help cleared some of that up, or at least it had in his head. The metallic screech of gears turning the wrong way as he so desperately tried to turn that moment around...

It kept playing in his head on repeat.

Kept echoing whenever he tried to sleep, so he hadn't been doing a whole lot of that.

Knowing how much the flow of it all had been against that plan felt weighted. So... He needed to let part of it go. Still cling on to the good memories, but the idea of being able to each that far back was... Beyond him. Instead, he needed to focus on what was to come. Try and give them some kind of advantage, some kind of leg up, when half the camp seemed to be eagerly trying to butt heads and turn on each other like this wasn't life or death without adding fuel to the fire.

He took things that held memories. Took pictures, of those he'd met at camp. Took the rapier that had been in his hand since his first day here. Took Milo's favourite ball (much to the pups dismay, before getting distracted by his next favourite ball), and then one last picture. Him, Noah, Lizzie. Camping trip, only one Calvin had ever been on before arriving at this camp.

Brought it all to the altar to Chronus, laid it out, and took a moment.

"Chronus, God and personification of Time, I seek your co-" A beat. Tongue feeling heavy for a moment as the words came out. Another breath. No, that wasn't how he wanted to ask. Even just his brief time here gave him some other perspectives on all of this, on what he needed to do. Had felt a smile upon taking his brief taste of pure divinity.

"Hey, Dad? I need some advice, and I don't think I can get what I need all on my own yet." Felt better, at least. He didn't know the reasons, but it wasn't like he'd been left all alone without the other in the picture. A moment of silence longer, before continuing. "Anything you can give me on the Norse demigods. What led to their corruption in the past, what those that still struggle against it are trying in the present, how... How things could end up going in the future. All of it's part of your domain, and a small part of my domain now, too. So please. Help me figure out how the hell to prepare for what's to come."

#;echoes of times gone #;praying to the timeline

[timexticksxby]

"Yeah, no, lying really ain't part of my skillset."

Never had been, really. Tried it, failed at it, stuck to just avoiding questions he didn't feel like answering because that worked out a lot better. And while he'd like to claim this was his first time going sailing in to the stands... He got a little too adventurous with his ability to switch places and it got messy. Either way, he accepted the hand up, quickly brushing himself off.

"Benches and slight inclines, but don't go sharing that with your minions." The eye roll was audible if nothing else, attention soon turned back to his cone wearing combat dummies. "What'd you do if somebody get's this close to you in a fight?"

"You   know...If   you're   going   to   lie?   At   least   make   it   a   good   lie." 

A   amused   smirk   made   it's   way   onto   Milo's   lips   as   he   looked   down   at   the   other   man.   Milo   enjoyed   just   chilling   out   at   the   training   area   and   watching   people   practice.   Occasionally   taking   part   in   it   himself.   However   mostly   he   just   watched   since   most   of   his   abilities   are   healing   focused,   and   there's   not   exactly   a   lot   of   'healing   training'   dummies   around. 

Milo   pushed   himself   off   of   the   bench   that   he   was   sitting   on   and   almost   got   ran   over   by,   and   offered   his   hand   to   Calvin.   "Now   come   on   and   get   up,   soldier.   Or   are   you   going   to   admit   defeat   to   a   bench?"   Milo   joked   with   a   playful   smirk   on   his   lips   as   he   looked   at   the   other. 

"I   do   hope   that   benches   aren't   your   ultimate   weakness."   Milo   said   sarcastically   with   a   grin.

#ft; emilio #wtchhlr

[timexticksxby]

if nothing else, it was a good excuse to stretch his legs and give Milo a proper walk rather than the usual playing around camp. he had no idea where the other was planning on taking him, but it wouldn't be his first time venturing out with no idea were he was go- maybe he should start getting more details ahead of time.

"i'm coming! give me a sec." the yell was answered in turn, the door to his cabin soon swinging open, milo immediately bolting out in an effort to pounce upon the distinctly larger dog. calvin was dressed pretty relaxed, no idea where they were headed. "I'll probably have to start carrying him half way through, but he'll be good, won't y- he's not listening to me at all." a huff of a laugh, before nodding to alejandro. "where we off to?"

@timexticksxby

making his way out from warwick's shop, alejandro had a smile on his face, a little dirty from helping the half orc work on a few stuff. it was nice to be lost around the shop, getting closer to warwick has been something he didn't expect but was more than thankful for. rushing back to the phobos cabin, making sure marsh and nox were taking care of and quickly taking a shower, he spent some time with wyatt before telling him he was gonna head out of camp for a bit with calvin.

getting things ready to bring nox with, he walked up over towards calvin's cabin. nox wagging his tail as he was rushing in a bit faster than alejandro, almost as if he knew he was soon to visit calvin once more. reaching the door, he knocked - adjusting the bag on his shoulder. "come on, let's get as much daylight as we can. chop chop!" he yelled out.

#ft; alejandro #ragingale

[timexticksxby]

As much as Calvin wished he knew what to say right now, he didn't. He felt bad for pushing it in this direction, not just... choosing a topic of conversation that could have never swung around to here. But... If it was anybody to see this, he was also kinda glad it was him. They'd ended up recruited at basically the same time, the two of them and Wolfram, so he naturally felt a kinship with the sons of Justice and Travellers.

"I don't think, right now, I can say anything that will help. Not as much as I really wish I could. I just... We remember them. Those we lose. We learn our lessons, we don't repeat mistakes, we don't lose anybody else that same way. But..." A huff of a breath, before pushing from his own seat, and striding toward Axel with purpose. If the other didn't move to stop him, the other demigod was getting pulled in to a damn hug. "The fact you feel like this means I'm even happier you have my back."

The weight of those words weren't lost on him, especially because they came from Calvin. It was a lot, because guilt was already pushing down so hard on him that it felt hard to breathe when he was allowed to think for too long. That was the whole reason he was here.

"I tried." Axel managed to croak out, the sound and the words both unsatisfying to his ears. "I fuckin' tried. I know how to do it- I made sure I knew how to do it before I went out for the first time. I trained until I was sure that if I needed to do something, it would work. But then... I tried to and." He shook his head. "I know it was something else- I could feel taking my healing away from where I was trying to send it. But I should've- I dunno. I should've had back up plans. I should've had potions or something. Just in case I wasn't enough."

A mistake made once and never again but it shouldn't have been made in the first place. And he wasn't sure if he could ever forgive himself for it.

#ft; axel #duckandash

[timexticksxby]

Location: Training Grounds With: Open

New sword? Check. New shoes? Check. Need to prove himself worthy of the praise that people kept tossing his way because he didn't feel like he'd actually earned it?

Like. Twenty checks and underlined three times.

Calvin just needed the distraction of something. Any time he stopped, the gears in his head started churning up new things to worry about, so he just kept moving. It was at least useful as motivation to push himself. Setting up a few dummies, and throwing a couple of different coloured cones on the top of each, he planned. Blue cone for the biggest guy. Red for the small fry. Green for one of the guys in back, and yellow for the other one he'd put back there.

His plan was to go dashing through, figure out how best to break a basic formation and start working his way up. It was half way through getting ready to move that his heels clicked together.

And he went sprinting way faster than expected, hit one of the benches behind his make shift spread, and ended up head over heels on the other side staring up at somebody.

"T-That was part of the plan?"

#godlingstarters #ft; open

[timexticksxby]

there was no denying it had been a rough few days. highs and lows coming hard and fast, and wolfram's offer to just... get away from it for a little bit seemed more appealing than most of his other options. which... genuinely came down to 'curling up on the sofa with his dog'.

dismounting the pegasus after the other, he's quick to steady himself. one day, yes, he'd get used to the rides. not yet. "where is here?" his head was raised to glance around. small, quaint. so different from the towering skyscrapers and smog of new york. and then came the question, and the answering nod. "yeah. nice to get a break from the clocks for a bit. breathe some... not demigod air."

"it'll be fun, i promise." wolfram knew that calvin had a rough go of it, he could feel it just by looking at him. but as calvin had kept wolfram close during his own troubles, the son of nemesis would follow suit. it's why he'd taken him from camp, flying him to a familiar locale, one he hadn't seen since he'd been called to action.

"we're here." he hums as they dismount, at the edge of an idyllic small town. it was pure americana, bringing forth a sense of nostalgia. "i used to come here when i needed some time away." the overlook offered a nice view, too. "will you spend your night here with me?"

@timexticksxby

#ft; wolfram #sonsofjustice

[timexticksxby]

"I'm not sure how much I enjoy thinking about this corruption as a divine STD to potentially spread to our parents. Like. It feels very Grecian but still. I'm hoping to avoid corruption myself, so. Leave that to somebody else to test."

hell he'd rather nobody got that particular fate, but considering the laugh from lucifer that thought was staying inside. any attempt so far to make heads or tails of the other wasn't exactly working, but hte still found it interesting. a very different point of view.

"maybe? i just... think asking these sort of questions isn't the worst thing. i'm probably gonna start doing some research in the roman gods myself. my dad doesn't exactly have a one-to-one version swap, but still might be useful."

"that's a very fair thought process which is why i want to see what state the norse gods are in. surely they're feeling whatever is going on to their children. maybe one of us should get corrupted and then pray to our own parent. see if they're annoyed that we got them infected with something."

lucifer couldn't help but laugh at the idea. as crazy as it sounded, he wouldn't be surprised if one of the godlings actually tried something like that. hell, if they didn't then he would whisper into their ears until they thought it was a good idea.

"you seem to be much mor insightful than you lead on. don't sell yourself short, even if you are one of the newer ones."

#ft; lucifer #olympied

[timexticksxby]

the laugh escaped before he could help it at Rai's initial comment, almost automatically brushing it off as teasing or a playful remark. "probably gonna want to figure that one out, as a warning. apparently even just having one godly parents enough for like the entire camp to be pretty faces as you put it." no denying the quirk to his lips, turning the new demigods words on him in turn. it was, also, the truth. too many pretty faces around camp. far too many.

the other's answer earned a nod, and he pushed the thought aside. while he was certain he could try and reach for answers beyond that, he figured to leave that for another time. "Uh, a few weeks I think? must be getting close to a month..." the dawning realization that he'g genuinely lost track of time since arriving at camp earned a laugh befoe he could help it. "sorry, sorry, just. son of the god of time losing track of time feels a little ironic. what should I call you?"

eyes still heavy from what felt days of slumber after he had taken the nectar of the gods, mind muddled and not yet fully awake, but rai still functioned just fine. he was used to this, muscle memory from early call times and late night shoots────── a smile, polite and friendly, mechanically nodding along calvin's every word. ❝ SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU WANT TO BE MY TOUR GUIDE ? GUESS I CAN'T REALLY SAY NO TO A PRETTY FACE ... ❞ he wasn't going to decline the offer. he knew he needed the help. he was practically a lost sailor at sea, desperately looking for the beacon of a lighthouse to guide him where to go. ❝ i get that a lot. i just have one of those faces, i guess. ❞ he didn't think fame and fortune meant anything here. not without blood spilled. not without proven worth. and rai liked the idea of it. a new beginning. he had never really known who he was. but for once in his life, he felt like he could really be someone else. without a script. without spikes on the stage to know where he was meant to stand. ❝ so, how long have you been here ? ❞

#ft; rai #shiplike

[timexticksxby]

Diminishing space, vulnerability. While they'd spoken, he figured this was just... Part of camp. You made friends and connection beyond that faster. Sought comfort faster, and offered it just as quickly. A moment of quiet to consider the other demigods words, while also shifting his posture. Arm looping loosely around Wolfram's bare middle, while dropped his head to rest his chin between his shoulders. Contact.

"Then we learn from it. We're never going to be infallible, or capable of protecting everybody. No matter how much I'm sure everybody here wants to, it's not... The world isn't that kind." Experience tinging his words in a way he wasn't aware of for a moment. "Our best might never be enough, but we're gonna give it. Every time. You're gonna try to tip the scales in our favour. I'm gonna try and get us every moment I can to help. That's our duty. Everybody we can save, we do. Anybody we can't, we remember and honour them."

"what if it's not good enough?" wolfram frowns, suddenly scooting closer, closing the distance between them even more than they were before. after sharing an enclosed space like the couch, the boundaries were a bit blurred now. calvin had kept him safe in the night, looked after him in a way few had thus far.

"what if it comes down to one crucial moment and i'm not strong enough to save someone?" he hadn't told calvin about the first time he'd ventured out on a quest, where he was tasked to protect someone and ended up near death.

"i have to think about you, all of you." he sighs, hanging his head, messy strands obscuring his vision for a moment. "it's my duty."

#ft; wolfram #sonsofjustice

[timexticksxby]

Calvin understood the suspicion. Considering he'd been threatened by... Okay maybe it was just the last Thanatos kid who'd tried it, he still got it. New faces, even if they were a rotating cycle of demigods, should raise some level of concern. So, he kept his posture relaxed, hands in view at all times. Not that it would really matter if he'd been magically inclined, but no. Weapon in hand suited him just fine.

"A couple of weeks now? I uh. Right after you guys lost the son of Hestia, if that helps fit the timeline up for ya. Rocked up just in time for things to get... Real heavy."

"Ah. A sleepy boy." he remarks at the introduction. Naturally, he looked the other demigod over. Even if he was one of them, he...was just naturally suspicious now. If the last few months had taught Davon anything it was to always have his guard up; even around the people who were supposed to be his allies. Doppelgangers and all that nonsense.

"I'm Davon. Artemis." he says looking at the hand and choosing not to take it. Initial friendliness wasn't a thing anymore for him. At least for now. "How long have you been here?"

#ft; davon #lunarxtique

[timexticksxby]

"All good feels like it might be a bit of a stretch, but I'm good given the circumstances." Lips tugged up in to a grin, a little too much teeth to be a real smile, but he figured if he showed he could still at least make jokes that he was okay enough. Besides, this was the low point. The only way forward was up from here, right? A quick stretch, neck popping a little as he tilted his head, before noding.

"You were gonna show me your favourite pizza place, right? Or was it the zoo first? I'm in your hands the rest of the visit, so... Lead away, Grey." A beat, bef- "Oh god, I rhymed." Clealry this was just how things were going to go... Which was good. He could put it aside for a bit. The burden, the weight. Give himself a little breathing room, and then go back to playing catch up in a camp where death was a very real and present danger.

He spent what time he needed with his mother, talking about recent events, what he'd been through since he'd last come to see her. Grey wasn't sure how many times he asked if the dream had been real, if she had really visited him, asked for a sign something to let him know she was listening and that she had been there. But he couldn't be sure she was answering. In the end he said his goodbyes, placed a simple flower that he'd picked from the grass on her grave because he hadn't brought anything else and wasn't blessed with the means to create it. Sure summoning a thorny deathtrap he could do, but not a few simple daisies, her favourite.

When he returned to the gate he waited for Calvin to arrive, sending a few texts to Kit while he waited, letting the other know he was in the city for a few hours but probably wouldn't have the chance to see him.

"Hey, all good?" Grey asked with a gentle smile, as he saw Calvin approach. It was likely an emotional time for them both so he didn't want to make the other feel pressured in talking until he was ready.

#ft; grey #wxldhxrt

[timexticksxby]

They were holding each other was about as far as Calvin got in the process of figuring out quite who was holding on tighter. Support offered physically, to hold in to somebody else while everything still felt raw. He listened, mentally checked it off against the assumptions he'd been running with. Squeezed tighter when Jesse spoke about tying so much of his worth in to other peoples perception of him, but held back comments until the other had said his part.

He figured Jesse at least deserved the chance to say his part, too. They'd been too busy trying to figure out what was going on to give him a chance to really voice it. He was just... Glad Jesse trusted him enough to share it, too.

"I really appreciate that, Jesse." A breath, before one more sinking in to those arms. Another. "I haven't really had thoughts like that for... a while now. Since Noah came in to my life. Even more so since... I lost him. Can't go wasting the second chance he gave me, right?" An awareness of his own pulse in his ears again, but also just... The warmth of the other's arms around him, each breath. Letting people in, properly... He could probably afford to start doing it. Stop keeping people at least a little as a distance.

"Can't say everything that went down in there was really all that enjoyable, but the hugs are worth it." He needed to lighten the mood before he started crying again.

It had taken Jesse by surprise. Everyone in the wardrobe had been exposed, everything had been on display. Still, it didn't escape Jesse that in that wardrobe, everyone's trauma had been done to them by somebody else. Somebody else hurt them, took something away from them. For Jesse... it was himself. He did it to himself. While part of him hoped nobody else noticed, when he was pulled into a hug by Calvin of all people, he felt himself instinctively returning it.

He listened as the blond held him there, or was he holding him? The confession, the concern, the surprising source of not sympathy, but empathy struck or chord. "Cal... I'm sorry that you..." he took in a breath and nodded. "That means a lot, thanks." He'd never really gotten a chance to say his piece back in the wardrobe, he'd been in shock, and before he could get his wits about him, they had been moving on. While at the time he was grateful for it, now... he might have been able to talk about it.

"Honestly you saw me at rock bottom," he explained, a bit apprehensive to revisit it, it had been so long ago. "It had been just after my music career sort of tanked. I felt worthless, like I failed everyone, like I was an embarrassment to my friends and family. I got into drugs and partying to drown out the noise, to numb it all," he let his arms drop from Calvin to step back, offering a hollow smile. That's what you do to shield people from your darkness, right? "But I guess that's what happens when you measure your self worth by how people see you. If they don't respect or like you, you don't respect or like yourself, so I just..." he glanced out into the water, "...Most people think that it was just an OD, an accident... and maybe he it was, but at the end of the day, I don't think I cared enough about myself or my life to know for sure."

Running a hand through his hair, he rubbed at his eyes before glancing back at Cal. "I'm better now. That was a wake up call for me. I got help, it was a long time ago." As he gaze settled on Calvin, he pulled him into another hug. "Either way, the same goes for you. You're sister may not be here, but you do have people here for you. Honestly, I'm here for you if you need me."

#ft; jesse #godlingjesse