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Dad
October 19 2018
Like alot of people my dad would beat the shit outta me. And one day he left a huge bruise on my leg and I got taken into his state custody.
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Stomach Acid
October 18 2018
Right now I am sitting outside on a porch chair in the middle of the city in the dark listening to my biological dads favorite song "Kiss by a rose by seal" pretending I am on the beach. All I want to do is move to california and spend my life in some ocean small town never to return to here where my life has been a tragedy. That all sounds fine and dandy. But my stomach is growling. I am hungry. There are seven biscuts at home waiting to be chewed up and spit out while I watch season two of bojack horseman. Eating is scarey. I am scared that If I eat I will not be sexually attractive. Which is a weird thing for me with sociopathic tendencies to say. I used to want to be loved. My dad is schitzophrenic. My mom is a meth addict they both left me. I guess I strived to find this love through being somebody elses good time. It happened all the time till I met Skinny D who just came and fell for me. I didn't manipulate him or try to make him. I just let him find something in me to grasp onto. I don't know what he wants in me. I think he is in love with what he can have with me. He doesn't know me yet. Mabye if he stays around he will. Mabye he will fall for that girl and he will have the life he needs with her. If Skinny D decides he wants to follow me then so be it. I will just treat him like I love him and ask him to be my bestfriend. I guess he can give me thrills. Thats how it is right? I am to impulsive to plan this. Nevermind. Make the rules up as I go. I like Skinny D. I want him to stick around.
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Stiff
October 18 2018
I guess my name is Jack. I am afemale and this is a blog. Apart of writing this I hope that nobody I know ever finds it. Its supposed to be some personal release about alot of weird shit you would hear if my life was a MA-TV series. Nobody I write about will be called by their actual name. On October 16th I woke up from a dream and about me and my boyfriend Skinny D. In the dream he was grasping my pale shoulders while I sucked his long boney dick and cum was forced down my throught. He was breathing the passion he felt by loving me. The problem was the love I felt was just a dream. When I woke up there was nothing and I said to myself. "Day one of acceptance that I am a sociopath". Recently I was diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder, which I know as it really is is accurate. Skinny D was the last person I ever felt something real for. For awhile I have been falling in and out of conciousness of emotions. So me and Skinny D talked and he said that my story on snapchat was psycho and that hit home because suprising as it sounds I am super sensitive about being labeld as a sociopath. If that was written across my forehead people in public would assume I was intrested in killing them for sport, which I am not. The most I'd ever hurt somebody is by treating their life like a toy. Manipulationg their emotions and triggering social problems and laughing about it alone. Nothing illegaly harmful to another person. To myself, mabye. So I kinda went off on Skinny D when he asked me why I make a big deal about him staying in my life If I can just quit feeling for him and I told him that he needed to stop confusing me or he was waisting my time and I ecnored him for 24 hours. I think it went something like that. I kept little eyes on him. He watched some of my story on snapchat afterwards. Me, I just did whatever sociopaths who are learning to be themselves do. So I went to the play ground in the middle of the night and I swung to music. I talked to my family and bonded with them. I am getting adopted so I need to be focused on my family. College and graduation; I enrolled to take my ACT and studied. I spent time with my brother. I watched my new favorite TV show bojack horseman. I did think about Skinny D alot and how he is in all actuality the victum. I didn't feel sorry. I laughed. He said mean things sometimes and he thinks he is tougher then me but I am so sure now that I am him Dominate. I am the one who played him without even trying. He fell in love on accident and I went with it. So skinny D and I have barely spoken scince then. I told him the truth. I told my family too. Thing is I don't know if I can love Skinny the way he loves me but I think that if he can get to know me as I am here in this blog we can make something work. I am gonna start by talking to him as Jack would. I am gonna stop posing for the camera. I like Skinny D's company he makes me feel cool and he is like the adorable little badass whos really just a hurt wartorn puppy. I think he is adorable. So let me give you insight on me and Skinny. Skinny is this tall guy who is actually really sexy and has long hair like jesus. Yep he has stomach pudge that he slaps his dick against. So hot and I really like the idea of how my under weight body turns him on. He is so cute. He is just the kinda person I want to make stronger so they can survive with me. He has what it takes. Plus he loves me. Will he do it? I have no idea.
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