thinkythoughtsofanaspiringa-blog

[thinkythoughtsofanaspiringa-blog]

I mean I am honestly just writing this for me, not for anyone else. I just want to type something, because this something is better than the mental block I have and I haven’t even started yet. I have so many ideas floating in my head and no idea how to capture them, maybe this will help? So many ideas, so similar but so different at the same time.

I love the idea of superpowers, and I know I want to write about that but picking a direction is so hard. There are two main ideas contending but both are so incomplete I have no idea which way would be better to go. I guess I just need to put more thought into both of them and see which comes out on top. But that is where this mental block is the problem, I can’t think of any more to add to them and then I can’t decide which one I want to go for. For now I don’t have a choice, I am going to have to knuckle down and think, problem there is that was never my strong suit.

I am not a thinker, never was in school as sure as hell am not now. It’s just who I am to not really ever have any thought about what I do, I just kind of do it. Is that what I should do? Not think as such and just let everything happen? It could work but on the other hand it’s more likely that it will just become another idea that is wasted in my mind and there have been a few, trust me. I also lack concentration, which goes hand in hand with my lack of ability to think (maybe they’re the same thing?), the easiest case of this is just now, writing this and I got distracted by my phone, not that it did anything, it was just there and I started using it. 

Perhaps that is what it comes down to, I need to sort myself out, get myself into motion and then everything will come clear to me. It’s a little embarrassing being a 21 year old who can’t sort even getting a basic outline for a story together.

I miss being young, I had so much more enthusiasm for things like this, probably because they distracted me from school work which I hated and even more distracted me from the real world as that was even worse. That being said I don’t think I had too bad a childhood growing up, I mean aside from a semi abusive father and my folks divorce it was okay. I had a lot of fun growing up from what I remember, but maybe that stems from the fact that I don’t want to remember the bad, but who does? I don’t find pain to be what defines who I became in life, rather the strength I had to work past it. All the times I could have just given up completely but didn’t. I don’t know.

Anyway, now that I have somehow jumped from having a mental block to reminiscing about my childhood I should probably get some sleep, working all week really takes away from my time to do the things that I want.

#authorwannabe #ranting #rambling