thequeerdomestic

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

May you never again get attached to anyone who isn’t for you. May you find a love who makes you laugh, never lets the flirting phase end, and gives you unquestionable loyalty. You deserve a love that calms your heart, mind, and nervous system — a love that never hurts you.

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

Diaries are a great means of self reflection. I wrote this ten years ago. 25 year old me held on to lessons I'd forgotten ❤️

Physical Fitness & Mental Health Journal Day 4

A smile is like an orgasm, It’s good for your health; you can’t always control it; There are times when it is inappropriate; and unfortunately, you can fake them for years without anyone noticing. They also feel really good. I had a few random smiles during my meditation today. My lap time is still at 40 minutes.I did the math, that’s 6.18 miles/hr; thank you gazelle legs. I’ve decided to concentrate my yoga efforts on achieving the straddle. It’ll be a long time before I get there (I’ve lost my left split) but I’m excited at the prospect of additional flexibility. I’m still squishy around the middle, but it took a year and a half to get out of shape, so I guess it’s only fair that it takes that long to get my body back.

Right now the squish is only in the middle. at the very least I just want to keep it there. I don’t look bad, I just don’t look my best. I talk about body fat like a foreign invader that must be kept at bay. That’s how I feel about it. If I let it get out of hand know it’ll be really bad when I’m 50. People keep telling me that I should lift. I’ve taken health classes; I know the benefits of lifting paired with cardio, but lifting always feels like punishment to me. I don’t know, i guess it’s because I don’t have a car, jogging just feels like an extension of walking, something I do all the time.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have to lift something more than 50 pounds in a year and the idea of reps, why would I put myself though that torture more than once?

I hear that exercise is good for bone density. I’m afraid my upper body wont have much bone density. That worries me; a lot of things worry me. I feel like I’m constantly overwhelmed by life; life and all the things that are threatening to kill you slowly. I often think “it’d be lovely to get hit by a bus, or perhaps die while sky diving.” A quick incidental death is a lot more appealing than cancer, obesity, heart disease, and all the other things that are far more likely to kill me than that precious speeding bus.

On another note, I saw the Morgan Freeman special on Lifetime’s Biography. He was 30 before he got his big break, and even then he struggled and got very little work for the next decade. If he could do it in the 70s and 80s then I can tough it out now. People like him have made it a little easier for people like me.Heck, I worked for Tim Reid at 21, that’s got to count for something. I keep asking myself if I want it badly enough and the answer is always yes. There’s nothing to it but to do it. 

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

Messages I Don't Intend to Send

I love you and it still hurts to speak to you.

But you need me and I love you so I'm here.

I'll never let you see the wounds you inflict on me

Because I can take it and I'm not sure you can.

Some times I still cry for you.

It's bittersweet to see you fawn over anyone else.

You were supposed to love me too.

I'm not taking this as well as you think I am.

[thequeerdomestic]

*comes across a slight inconvenience* me: you know what would solve this ????? death

[thequeerdomestic]

reblog if your name isn't Amanda.

Wow. There are a lot of not-Amandas out there.

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

This meme is my aesthetic https://www.instagram.com/p/CoU29SLOQqs/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

[thequeerdomestic]

My answers hasn't changed @mariahcarey @prince @alfredyankovic https://www.instagram.com/p/CnVFp9MvCQD/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thequeerdomestic]

The elevator ceiling was giving. https://www.instagram.com/p/CnFaernPeB2/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[thequeerdomestic]