thegreekrollingstone

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this is the funniest twitter thread i’ve ever seen in my goddamn life

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am I doing this right

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Guess who got their life together!!!!!

not me but someone probably has

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*young republican voice* i don’t see why my rich, rich, rich rich rich, rich rich rich rich, so fucking rich, father should have to pay for poorer boys school lunches. he could spend that money on a racism machine

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*points at ur bulge* is this seat taken

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Q eye except Jonathan has a gun

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via CNN: A sexual assault survivor just confronted Sen. Jeff Flake, who announced he will vote to confirm Brett Kavanaugh: “Look at me and tell me that it doesn’t matter what happened to me, that you will let people like that go into the highest court of the land.”

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today my prof said to my class “you don’t truly love someone until they’ve hurt you and you still think of them as the greatest person in the world. Love is the most violent act.” ok ok ok

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You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

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when you lay down for bed and realize you forgot to brush your teeth

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I can’t wait to watch you fall

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It has come to my attention that Aquaman (2018) is just a shameless ripoff of the Mattel classic, Barbie: A Mermaid Tale.

We have the child of a mermaid queen and a regular human guy 

who was brought up in the human world as a free spirit,

who talks to sea creatures,

who is fated to take over the throne of an underwater kingdom (where all the buildings are round and mushroom-y)

which is currently being occupied by an evil, power-hungry relative

with an army of sharks

And their unique position, straddling the human world and the underwater world, is at first a burden but ends up being their greatest strength

… I’m just saying

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I just love how nobody talks about this movie and this epic scene.