thecaptaindouchebag

[thecaptaindouchebag]

me, trying desperately to not talk to my friend about her gross boyfriend i hate: so... how's taylor swift doing?

[thecaptaindouchebag]

Beauty

#a turtle...

[thecaptaindouchebag]

You wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

[thecaptaindouchebag]

[johnny bravo voice] puppy dog

[thecaptaindouchebag]

[thecaptaindouchebag]

i'm not a doctor or a nutritionist, but sometimes i hear women talking about their diets and it takes all i have to not be like "this is not normal. you have an eating disorder and you are in a cult."

[thecaptaindouchebag]

[thecaptaindouchebag]

guy who is definitely not about to fall into a surprise midday nap with an aftermath worse than a hangover: it seems like a really good idea to lay in bed and get cozy under the blanket as part of my plan not to fall asleep. I do not know why.

[thecaptaindouchebag]

Gollum and yoda sucking each other off while a big steamroller gets closer and closer

[thecaptaindouchebag]

a long time ago i watched a tik tok from an older trans woman, in her 60’s or 70’s. someone had commented on another video of hers asking “why don’t we ever see trans men from your generation? why aren’t they involved in activism?” and her response was “because a lot of them died.” she told stories abt the trans men she knew who committed suicide rather than be married off and forced to live as a woman, or died from medical neglect or botched abortions. “they would be here if they could, but they can’t because the world failed them.”

[thecaptaindouchebag]

[thecaptaindouchebag]

GIRL you are KILLING IT! GIRL i don’t think it’s MOVING ANYMORE. GIRL you can STOP BITING

[thecaptaindouchebag]

"can you behave" yes, if I wanted to, but this is so much funnier

[thecaptaindouchebag]

(me, my parents, my sister, and the baby are sitting at the kitchen table eating lunch)

baby, pointing at the light fixture over the table and signing "on": o.*

my sister: we actually can't turn that light on right now, because the lightbulb inside is burnt out! it needs a new one.

baby: ighbu.

sister: yes, lightbulb! granddaddy said after we eat he's going to climb up there on a ladder and change it, and then the light will come on!

baby: gadada! adda, uuu! ighbu o!

sister: exactly!

baby, signing "on" and pointing at the light and then my dad, with increasing urgency: GADADA ADDA UUUU. O.

my sister: we're going to finish eating first though, ok?

baby: nonono. O. gadada adda uuu.

[a split second goes by]

baby, pointing to himself: ba. adda uuu. ighbu.

me: you're going to climb the ladder and change the lightbulb yourself?

baby: dzyeah. *pointing to the buckle where he is buckled into the high chair* ububu.

me: unbuckle you? so you can change the lightbulb?

baby, highly businesslike: dzyeah.

*pronounced like "on" without the n

[thecaptaindouchebag]

if you’re ever losing an argument hit’em with the “you want me.”

[thecaptaindouchebag]

[thecaptaindouchebag]

can we just have, like, any feminist movement whatsoever. did everyone just stop caring?