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April 22, 1930 Journals of Anais Nin 1927-1931  [volume 4]

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Omg i even forgot about this! But it turned out so lovely and heartfelt that it was worth the wait 😍

Thanks to the lovely @aysegust for this songfic with Kaz and my favourite song by James Young, i'm speachless for the amount of details and similarities that this one-shot has with the plot that I have in mind for my Ocs and the Dregs.

MOONDUST. - K.B

Pairings: (Kaz Brekker x Reader)

A/N: Hello beautiful people! This was a request back in 2021 and I couldn’t write it. Due to my business in studying and since English isn’t my main language, I wasn’t good in writing that well. I loved the request and I didn’t want it to be bad and recently I started to write again due to ease my mind from the anxious things, I wanted to try and give it a shot. I also put a bit weight into Kaz’s way because I felt that would be more fit for the song and fiction. Hope you like it. Inspired by the song named [Moondust by Jaymes Young]

Request: Hey there dear! I saw your song inspired fic for Kaz with War of Hearts and I loved it. Now I'm wondering if you would do one for Kaz with "Moondust" by Jaymes Young (I'm obsessed with that song lately) in which both him and the reader are in love with each other but they decide to keep it quiet believing that it's the best for the other?

Warnings: It’s all honey and glass

Word Count: 1.242

Looking at you, like a star

From the place, the world forgot

It was a desperate attempt, trying to catch your glance. Kaz, sweared to himself inside, why he was acting this sentimental. Needing to see your face, hearing your angelic voice and to cross his eyes to yours.

Like you were a star, you shone through the bitterness of Ketterdam. Bitterness of his heart. The one thing he admired you about is that you were caring. Whatever Jesper rambles, what Nina wants to eat, Wylan’s info-dumps or Inej’s prayers -even you cared so deeply about what he wanted to say too.

But most of the times, Kaz didn’t share anything. He just stayed silent. However, you were fine with it. You loved to spend time in his silence, it was calming. A mutual understanding was there.

Both of you could relax with each other’s presence.

And there's nothing, that I can do

Except bury my love for you

But Kaz couldn’t be vulnerable. He had to be strong, cold and sharp. The thing about surviving in the Barrel is that you cannot have any weaklings. If you want to rule, you gotta be cold and cautious.

Sometimes as some of the nights passed without your company, he would think to himself. Besides thinking every outcome, Kaz thoughts about you. How, deeply inside his mind, he wants it. He craves your warmth, your affection and your caring nature.

He lived his life in a hell. He lost his family, his childhood. Living his life with a rage that’s just surround his every moment. With vengeance. Always having his guard on. It was tiring in some way.

His enemies thought the weak spot of him is his limp. They weren’t smart or Kaz’s just too cautious to hide the real one. It was you.

But he never showed it. Every heist, every dinner with Crows, all the sessions of your hangouts, he never showed it. He buried into his chest and never dared to admit anything.

As in the other hand, you understood him. In every action he took, what was the motive behind that.

Living in the Barrel and growing up without a stable home and family wasn’t surprising. In addition to that, the traumas buried under the grounds of Barrel.

The first time you realized he may care for you in a different way. After spilling you his past, he trusted you. That night a bright feeling of anger sat inside your chest and you wanted to protect him. What a conundrum.

Unfortunately after that night, as you also let yourself be vulnerable to him, the other day came and you both pretend that night was never really happened. For the sake of the surviving.

Sometimes, most of the times actually, you wanted it. You would’ve wanted to try. Be brave for him, like a lover. But in these circumstances, it was impossible. If you two met in another life maybe, but in this life, ot was just impossible to act on it.

I long to hear your voice, but still I make the choice

To bury my love (to bury my love)

In the Moondust

A week passed after the petty argument inside his office. He was pissed after an unsuccessful heist. The results of the heist cost the loss of money and Inej got hurt, you got hurt. Under his watch, you got hurt.

Kaz went insane. He was extremely violent as he saw you and Inej got hurt because of the hired Grisha’s in Ketterdam.

As you went to his office later that night, you wanted to talk to him. To explain him that you are alright and everything is going to be alright, he lashed out on you. About your optimism and your carelessness.

Which wasn’t true. You were careful, he knew it. He was pissed because seeing you hurt, he had seen it before but those times he hadn’t realized he was in love with you, this time he knew it. The fact that he tried to shut it out, to bury it out. So he was pissed because he almost lost himself and terrified, Kaz Brekker got terrified. Unlikely of him, wrongfully so.

So, you felt hurt after his accusations and you also got angry with him and the two of you argued.

A week passed. As the of you didn’t hold a conversation. Kaz longed to hear your lovely voice. Your rambles, your gorgeous eyes. However, whenever that thought crossed his mind, he closes his eyes momentarily and try to focus on his work and bury the thoughts of you again.

He was dark, crooked and full of vengeance. Opposite to him; you were like a star. You were kind, elegant and you make things around you better. He wasn’t like that, he was destructive while you were constructive.

Nothing can breathe, in the space

Colder than, the darkest sea

His nightmares came to present again. Haunting him as everyday wasn’t just enough but haunting him into his dreams were cruel as always.

He could feel the Jordie’s lifeless, cold hands gripping his collars. Acting like madly and shouting at him about the past, he was feeling to lump on his throat and the uneasy feeling inside of his body. His hands trembling, his head is foggy and the paralyzing feeling of the touch of skin just makes him want to die. To end his suffering.

But he wouldn’t he just couldn’t.

I have dreams about the days

Driving through your sunset breeze

Because you as Jordie pulls him into the water, you on the other hand help him to breathe again. You came into his dreams, after sleep deprived for days, the only time he drifted off to a nap, it filled with you. You were looking at him with your soft eyes. Your warm smile and your blissful laugh.

You waltzed into his dreams so smoothly and it helped him to sleep for couple hours without waking up in a drenched with sweat.

Yeah, I'm living far away, on the face of the moon

I've buried my love to give the world to you

Maybe in another reality he could’ve held you closer but as like the two of you agreed in a silent way that not acting on what you feel to each other was the of protecting each other.

Kaz Brekker and Y/N L/N had to be careful. Surviving in the Barrel wasn’t easy not when you two had enemies, unfinished business and haunting ghosts from the past.

Nina protested it in a way. She was the one who saw it in the first place. She could her Kaz’s heartbeat as hearing your laughter. It was beating fast. Or whenever he entered the Slat, you would directly look at him and your heartbeat, well, it was beating too fast.

She never understood why you two kept it from each other and why the two of you don’t chase the true love but it was a conversation for another day.

You and Kaz maybe didn’t act upon it but what the two of you felt was real. It wasn’t negotiable and it was pure.

The thought busied him throughout the nights. So he promised himself after he got his revenge on Pekka, he would come for you. He would be a better man for you. He would be more for you, he would try so hard to earn you.

#kaz brekker #shadow and bone #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz rietveld #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker fanfic #not mine #Thank you lovely writer

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Hades and Persephone 🌸

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☀️Eclipse🌙

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Window wings, fragile panes

Shield me from the dark

Warm me with your spark

~~~

Full resolution images and painting videos on Patreon

Part of my glass wings series

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𝙵𝚎𝚋𝚛𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝟻, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟸 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹