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Average from a million frames of Last Week Tonight

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Guys I found the only good thing on Facebook.

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get ready for an exuberant summer

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okay watcher fandom!!! time to get outside and touch some grass!!! war is over!!! go live life!!!

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Men

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cocking in for my shift at the penis factory

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i want to share with you some of my favourite graffiti from Pompeii

“Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!“ 

“Amplicatus, I know that Icarus is buggering you. Salvius wrote this.“ 

“We two dear men, friends forever, were here. If you want to know our names, they are Gaius and Aulus.“

“Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.“

“On April 19th, I made bread.“

“ I have buggered men.“

“If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girlfriend.“

“It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times.“

“Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!“

“Epaphra is not good at ball games.”

“Two friends were here.  While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named Epaphroditus.  They threw him out and spent 105 and half sestertii most agreeably on whores.“

“Secundus likes to screw boys.“

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Look at this goofy fucker pretending to be a writer. GET OUTTA HERE

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friend of mine at the dinner table said "how do you kiss someone for over twelve minutes and not, like, die?" and i was like "do you think people hold their breath???" and they said "no, but i mean, how do you keep your face on someone's face for THAT LONG?" and i said "it's NOT hard, i've made out for WAY longer than twelve minutes, twelve minutes is NOTHING it's like BARELY ANYTHING!" and my other friend who's 19 going on 12 just looks me dead in the eye and says "OKAY, PUSSYMASTER!" and guys, i think i have a new official title i'm going to ask that everyone address me by,

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tiktok is such an awful app, it's almost designed to feed you misinformation and expose you to insane discourse. unlike beloved tumblr, the app that feeds me misinformation and exposes me to insane discourse

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society really lost the war when dressing nice / slutty = “gay” “metrosexual” “is he 💅🏻”. we had decades of men wearing crop tops and short shorts without blinking an eye and now it’s ye ole pilgrim standards and talk of scandal if they show their knees

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good lord there's penice

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awsten purple hair icons