texdallas

[texdallas]

just came back to tumblr can you guys start posting funny images and fucking old men again

#something meta is going on

[texdallas]

[texdallas]

They should pay me to sort objects by color and shape and size all day I'd be good at it I'd be so fucking good at it

#me going in for neuropsychological testing #except i was the one paying to sort objects for 8 hours

[texdallas]

the Gemini urge to eat shit and die

#the libra urge to me and lily #FINNA SKEET ON A SAILBOAT

[texdallas]

[texdallas]

#brug

[texdallas]

not fucking true i live in appalachia got 4 mines in my back yard yet earth hasnt swallowed me even once

[texdallas]

#3rth option cause i wear a sports bra 24/7 #not a real bra but my boobs are never free #cause im a mostly breastless individual but cant stand the feeling of a shirt moving all around on there

[texdallas]

this thing contains the divine spark. it evolved from ancient ungulates like whales did

#theres one near me #(by near i mean on my side of buttfuck alabama #its abandoned but my parents say that when itd cross a road the road would be shut down for a day #because it moves at like 1 mile per day #its so huge awesome it towers above the trees

[texdallas]

i think everyone needs to get into wildlife identification it's like a minigame for real life

[texdallas]

Y’all… what do you guys do for a living… but describe it in the worst way possible.

#put screw in take screw out #smear glue on scrape glue off #auuuhhh #skinned my whole knuckle off at work today

[texdallas]

#one hand at 6 #more like 2 finger and thumb at 6 #i got that good alignment #i rember my friend was like i wonder why i get hand cramps when i drive like this.

[texdallas]

“what’s your five year plan” bro i wake up every day confused by the fact that i’m even alive

#i remember reblogging this last year #i was so happy to increase steel production 300% #steel production is all i have.

[texdallas]

painkiller is such a metal fucking word. pain. killer. so badass.

#judas preist got this one right

[texdallas]

i think everyone should know that you can watch almost 200 episodes of forged in fire on the history channel website for free

We’ve heard about the seeming contrast of creators that make these super happy saccharine pieces of art being bitter people whose lives seem to be filled with agony whereas horror creators that thrive in the grotesque all seem to be super happy and positive people, the usual “Miyazaki Hayao vs Itou Junji” kinda beat.

There’s a similar, slightly overlapping dynamic between cuisine and blacksmithing. Chefs are the single angriest existences in the world and would piss on your grave seconds after stuffing your freshly gutted corpse in it. Blacksmiths are jovial, usually quiet dudes that work machinery and think your dagger is still very cool even if it’s got some balance issues.

Now, of course this is making reference to the Ramsay style of food shows, which is not the universal experience when it comes to the genre – I’m more of a Cutthroat Kitchen kind of guy, because I like Mario Party – but it’s always fun to me to go through an episode of Hell’s Kitchen where Ramsay annihilates his own vocal chords screaming “FUCKING DONKEY” and “IT’S RAW”, then right after, watch some old Forged In Fire and see the Filipino weapon master, Marcaida, test a short sword one of the contestants made and it fucking explodes into shards without nary a scratch on the pig’s carcass, obviously the shittiest weapon you could possibly make, damascus steel shards flying embedded in his arm, and he’ll calmly, with his signature friendly smile, lovable demeanor, and charismatic gait, face the contestant and be like

“Well, you see, Bob, your blade unfortunately suffered a catastrophic malfunction, and it can’t be tested any further. However, the handle on your weapon allowed for some very good balance and ease of swing, it fits my palm perfectly and it swings very easy. Despite the blade fracturing in 7 uneven fragments, we can see that the blade didn’t chip or roll at all. Good work, Bob” then they’ll shake on it and Bob is eliminated, and all he’ll say is “I’m sorry to have punctured 4 blood vessels on Marcaida, but end of the day, the other smiths were simply better, and I’m proud of them. I just gotta go and work on my fundamentals back at home now :)” meanwhile Hell’s Kitchen’s contestants are having a shootout with Glocks in their dorm because someone made fun of someone else’s raw scallops. 

#finally a good competitive tv show #everyone is very nice the critiques are constructive and the contestants are friends

[texdallas]

#library of congress

[texdallas]

they should invent a way to reconnect with old friends that doesnt feel like eating a pile of dirt in front of god