tenebris-mori

[tenebris-mori]

[tenebris-mori]

I know this is my emo blog.... but.

I'm happy.

For the first time in forever I want to be alive.

I have always thought that I didn't deserve to be happy. That I didn't deserve to be with anyone, let alone someone nice. But, this guy is just... too nice. We can talk about anything, and be honest and open. I feel comfortable with him, in a way I've never been before. I feel safe being wrong and for asking when I'm confused.

I wake up in the morning looking forward to asking how his day is. I look forward to him sending me funny selfies.

I'm not afraid to eat when we go out or to think someone is judging. Fuck, I love that my roommate likes him. God. And he's so cute.

My life feels good. And even tho I'm moving out and trying to find a job. And I'm having car issues, none of that is so bad because I have someone who makes me so happy that the other shit isn't that hard.

#things get better

[tenebris-mori]

[tenebris-mori]

It gets weirder. Amd weirder.

[tenebris-mori]

I over reacted.

[tenebris-mori]

I fucking hate anxiety. It scares people away. And Finally I meet someone who’s pretty mich all I’ve wanted and I scare him away too. I’m so sad and I want to cease being.

[tenebris-mori]

THERE I FUCKING GO AGAIN FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.

Im going to go jump off a bridge now. Bye.

#if only I could find one.... #fuck

[tenebris-mori]

I wish I knew how to talk to people.

Because I really want to talk to you.

But it's hard to form a sentence.

I have a hundred questions.

And none come out.

You're really great and I want to know more.

But I can't get myself to crack the surface.

I'm sorry.

[tenebris-mori]

I'm panicking not because I want this to stop but because it's new and I feel like I'll die if this continues.

#I do like him so thats nice #but someone else os still on my mind... #he kissed me... that was interesting.

[tenebris-mori]

Dear diary.

After binging my heart out this week. I gained 1 pounds. Disgusting.

However I have new motivation. I will be meeting up with a boy soon. Idk when. But he seems nice.

Now back to starving.

[tenebris-mori]

Me: *eats cookie*

brain: now you gotta do 2 hours of cardio

Me: it was only 170 calories. Wh--

Brain: you gotta

[tenebris-mori]

i don't want to be the fat friend anymore

[tenebris-mori]

Time to stop fucking eating again.

HAAAAA

#im fat #and ya cant be fucking skinny if you eat haha. #i went up 5 lbs. gotta lose 10 so I feel better.

[tenebris-mori]

Me reassuring myself: it’s really ok you dumb bitch

[tenebris-mori]

[tenebris-mori]

[tenebris-mori]

this is driving me INSANE